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AIBU?

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He stayed out to help a lady get home safe… AIBU or is DH?

283 replies

SoulSissss · 12/07/2024 22:32

DH went out for “a couple of drinks” at 2.00pm. He text me at 5.30 and said that he’d be having another couple of drinks. He then messaged at 7.30 told me he would be home at 8.30 and also told me that his battery was at 1%. However, he then bumped into a lady he knows, who asked him to make sure she got home safe. She was drunk but not paralytic. It’s hard to access taxis in the place we live. He text me to tell me this at 9.15.

So our children stayed awake to get their goodnight kiss from daddy, but I had to tell them that unfortunately thing had changed and daddy wouldn’t be able to be home in time.

DH has just got home just after 10.00 and explained that the lady was upset about her marriage and wouldn’t stop talking to him about it. He said he felt he couldn’t leave her incase something happened to her. I totally understand that but explained that it’s not his job to babysit an adult. He could have explained that he would be leaving and could make sure she got home okay if she left now. I then said that DD was upset (suspected neurodivergent) that he wasn’t home. He said he tried for ages to get her to leave but it was difficult.

He then completely deflected and said, well if DD was so upset, why didn’t I phone him. I explained that I knew he was on 1% battery ages before hand and we had been waiting expecting him to come through the door any minute. He said “so you knew I planned to be home at 8.30 and when I still wasn’t home at 9.15 you weren’t even concerned for my safety???” I explained again, I didn’t think his phone would even possibly still be on at that time and that no, I wasn’t concerned for his safety! He began smirking and rolling his eyes.

I told him that I’m really upset at how he is speaking to me and I’d be happy if he just left the house. I think he is being completely out of order. But maybe it’s me?

I know I’ve given specific timings for messages. I’m not actually that anal about stuff, but I want to share an actuate timeline so that you get the full picture.

AIBU??

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 12/07/2024 22:58

It wasn’t late and he was doing a good deed. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if this was DH. You sound controlling.

CandiedPrincess · 12/07/2024 22:57

You're trying to have a rational argument with a man who has been drinking all day. It ain't going to happen.

5128gap · 12/07/2024 22:54

Well you're married to the man and know him best. Is he a decent sort of guy you can imagine being too polite to get away, and would feel he needed to make sure a drunk and vulnerable woman was safe? Or is he a bit of a chancer, who'd likely be flirting and enjoying it all and possibly up to no good? Because if its the first, you're being unreasonable and manipulative using your DD to make him feel guilty because you're annoyed. And telling him to leave the house is a big over reaction. However, if he's the second, you need to address that sharpish and make it clear what your boundaries are.

toastandtwo · 12/07/2024 22:52

YANB at all U.

MounjaroUser · 12/07/2024 22:52

He's drunk as hell, escorts a woman home (why was she so drunk and in need of an escort at 7.30 pm?) and then blames you for not phoning him to make sure he's safe?

What's he like on other days, because he doesn't have much going for him tonight?

GrumpyPanda · 12/07/2024 22:51

How many more couple of drinks will he be having on Sunday? So unattractive.

PerfectTravelTote · 12/07/2024 22:47

He went on a 7-8 hr drinking session at 2 in the afternoon.

That's unreasonable.
The rest of the sorry is irrelevant.

SoulSissss · 12/07/2024 22:33

sorry if that’s hard to make sense of. I’m just really exhausted and upset.

OP posts: