To be annoyed that DH added sweet chilli to the pasta I cooked

I’ve never heard anyone describe a bowl of of pasta as ‘going above and beyond’. That’s really tickled me.

YANBU to feel this way, but I agree that chilisaucegate is trivial. It’s symbolic of this deeper issue. What do you need from him to feel appreciated? Tell him what that is. If it’s he needs to take a few weeks off to take care of the children and house so you can recover, tell him. If you need him to take over the groceries and dinners, tell him. You probably have an idea as to the exact level of support you need. Hopefully he will listen and be there for you.

And to be fair, we have no idea what form her chicken pasta takes or what processes are involved in it. All we know is it contains pasta, chicken and some spices, but there is probably a sauce etc, we have no idea how she makes it. For all we know she might make the pasta herself and stuff it with chicken. That would be complex!

Plus I think any cooking at all can be a lot when you have just given birth and are recovering from a C Section, depending on how your recovery is going.....b

My pasta dishes take quite a bit of time it's not the actual pasta that is time consuming it's the sauce.
We don't know what sort of pasta dish op cooked I am assuming she didn't boil up a pot of pasta and throw some packet chicken over it with some dried oregano

You are recovering from a C Section - I assume you are not long post-partum?

So you are adjusting to life with a new baby as well as your toddler, and recovering from major surgery.

It's not surprising you feel exhausted and emotional. I can see how something like this would upset you in that situation. You made an effort to cook food you thought he wanted, even though you don't feel great and are struggling, and then you felt he didn't value it.

I don't really think the sauce is the issue here. How are you feeling, both emotionally and physically? Do you need more support, or to be doing less in the house? (For example could you rely on ready meals at the moment, or pasta with a jarred sauce? Or do your husband's working hours realistically allow for him to cook for the family when he gets home?) Do you have family who could come and stay/bring you cooking for a while? (I stayed with my mom quite a lot whenever I struggled post partum, and she cooked for me etc - but I know I am very lucky, my mom is a hero).

If you are getting very upset about a lot of things, it's worth having a think about whether you are just upset because life IS frustrating and tough, or maybe you might need a bit more support? Many people would in your situation - it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Good luck - and congratulations on your baby!

Did he taste it first, or just slather it in sauce as soon as he plated up? Not going to lie, I would be pissed! Next time - plain pasta, plain chicken, let him sauce it up himself.

I have no issues what people put on their own plate

Well, it does sound like a horrible combination.

But tbh no one's dead - I'd just quietly chuckle when he puts custard on roast beef, or wasabi on apple crumble, or maple syrup on fish & chips.

I'd stop cooking for him, though, beyond egg & chips etc. He'll probably douse that with black cherry jam. Let him crack on...

I'd be interested in a pasta recipe that takes you above and beyond 😊.

I read this thinking he'd dolloped it in the pot of pasta, not his own. It's not worth the aggro, OP, so I'm guessing this is about more than pasta.

I wouldn’t normally mind about something like this, but so soon after birth I’m sure it would have absolutely fucked me off, those postpartum hormones are no joke.

Ah right. Absolutely fine then.

I don't see the issue. He wanted his food to taste a certain way. It's not a reflection on you. It's just his taste.

I would cook when you want to/have time. Don't resent him for it

Oh OP YANBU to feel annoyed however the only thing you can do really is to not make all that effort. Also what even is chicken pasta anyway? Unlike marinara, carbonara etc is it just pasta with chicken... Don't understand how you can add lots of spices (????)

I can somewhat relate although my husband is the opposite - he hates any form of flavour and never appreciated anything I slaved over.

After a long tjm I gave up and now cook myself the loveliest meals. He eats his boring unseasoned meat+oven fries. Everyone's happy. The end

If you're recovering from a c-section and looking after a toddler and a baby, you should have just said you're too tired to cook and get something out of the freezer or get a takeaway. You don't have to be a martyr. Getting cross with him for using condiments is a bit over the top. Hand him the kids and go and get some sleep, you need to prioritise your own recovery and rest when you can OP

I doubt your standards are decent, going by your username.

It's his food. You don't get to decide how he enjoys it.

I dunno...when I was a late teen I was kind-of dating a guy in his early 30s (this was nearly three decades ago and times were very different, before the whole of mumsnet start clutching their pearls), and he cooked a Christmas meal. As soon as we were alone, he made a point of telling me that he'd put plenty of salt in the potatoes when cooking them, and there was no need at all for me to have put any on my meal like I did (I hadn't even noticed I had).

Like I said, I was late teens and no one had access to the internet, so I didn't know what narcissistic personality disorder was then, but about 20 years later when I was told about it & did some reading on the internet, everything I read reminded me of him. I'm so glad I let that one go.

This is very dramatic

"I've told him next time he can cook for himself. Don't see why I should go above and beyond if he is going to fill it with sauce anyway."

It's pasta. He tried it first and thought, mmm, fancy some sauce on it.

I don't think this is about the pasta is it?

How is it an insult? It's no different from someone cleaning my kitchen from top to bottom, them putting the utensils in the drawer because they think it looks better, and me putting the utensils back in the jar by the hob, because that's just how I like it.

It doesn't change the fact that a lot of effort went into it, and that I appreciate said effort none the less.

This can't be serious

You might not like those combinations but people are allowed to eat what they want. Doesn't make them a bad person.

You are being unreasonable and making an issue out of nothing really. Its common to add condiments to suit one's taste, irrespective of what spices are already added to the food. Tbh adding spices while cooking is not really going out of the way. In any case, he is allowed to eat how he wants.

The OPs username probably gives a hint

I find it very strange that so many women think its ok to dictate how someone should eat/enjoy their meal!! Its very controlling. I cook for everyone in my household and i honestly couldn't less ( probably wouldn't even notice) what condiments they add to it!