To ask for the positives of only having one child?

So ‘the majority’ of only children are unhappy both in childhood and in adulthood? Where’s that information coming from? And is there comparable data for mental health among adults with siblings?

So only children have terrible childhoods and terrible lives as adults and children from families with siblings have good childhoods and good lives as adults?

Exactly this. There are a minority of only children, who say as adults, they had a great childhood and continue to have a great adulthood.

The majority of only children, as adults, say otherwise. There's a lot of parents announcing on their only child's behalf how wonderful their child finds it, and not even a thought about the future. It's very much a parents choice for the parent, and parents will insist it's what their categorically child prefers. They kind of have too, for themselves.

Again there are exceptions, but you only have to look at this thread to see they are not the rule.

I used to get hundreds of comments about how an only child is a lonely child, that they are spoilt, unable to form relationships, grow into lonely adults.

And it's always from those with multiple children. They will never ever admit the downsides to having multiple children and refuse to believe there are positives for one.

One child here and we have the best life, so does he.

I'm an only and had a lovely childhood. My parents are old now and, going by statistics, will die in the next few years. I have one cousin whom I haven't seen in 20 years and the rest of my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles) are long gone so I'll be on my own. I'm fine with it. Of course, that would have been a different story had I been 10 but I'm 40. Yes, it'll be down to me to look after them if they need to - they are adamant that they don't want me to and have made sure they have enough savings to cover so many years of care, but I would want to support them as best as I can.

My husband has a brother. They get along fine but can go for long stretches of time without seeing each other. I can't say I look at their relationship and think I've missed out on anything past, present or future. My husband is already doing the bulk of the caring so I doubt his brother will have an epiphany any time soon.

Some may resent their parents for being an old child, but there will be as many resenting having siblings. I'm relatively sure that when parents stopped at 1, there was a genuine reason be it financial, health related, choice based on experience. I very much doubt anyone decided not to have another child out of spite to their existing child. Of course, said child may end up unhappy with their life, but there'll equally be people who will wish they didn't have a sibling.

I think there are a lot of stereotypes about only children here in the UK which I didn't experience when I lived abroad, and I feel this feeds a sense of unease and guilt amongst parents. In this day and age, we should all know families come in all sizes and shapes, and this is fine.

My husband and I didn't have any set idea about how many children we would want and we'd said anything between 0 and 3. At some point, we decided to go for one and see how it went. Let's say we don't want anymore, and this is fine. Having a second child when we are not in a good place to would do more harm than good.

I think my daughter overall massively benefits from being an only child. We can do a lot more, she has our undivided attention, she doesn't have to share. I have had my moments of feeling guilty but I think overall there are a lot of positives.

Thanks for sharing this . It is great to hear some positivity about having an only child. I actually don’t know anyone in real life apart from me and my husband who has an only child so it’s lovely to hear about other peoples positive experiences.

Without sounding rude, I know my cousin better than you.

Everyone's situation of being an only child is unique to them. Of course there is those that struggle, but there is many many that don't and have happy childhoods and lives. I'm sorry you struggle but it is not the same for everyone.

The OP came on worried and looking for positive stories and some people have come on and used it as a platform to aim their own stories of woe instead of posting anything constructive to help the OP. Posts about only children being sad lonely figures at their parents in melodramatic I'm sorry and incredibly disrespectful and offensive to a poster who is already down.

@Metagoths That's great for your cousin, but people are different. Some of us do have more of a need for close family and do struggle with difficult feelings due to being an only. It's so dismissive to call us melodramatic.
Also, you don't actually know the ins and outs of how your cousin feels, or how she'll feel in future. She might not be choosing to share that with you.
In real life I don't talk about the stuff I've said here on an anonymous forum, so if you asked my cousins they'd probably say I'm perfectly happy being an only too.

But many of us with siblings don't have that. I wouldn't piss on mine if they were fire. They feel the same about me. We certainly don't have each others back in an emergency. My childhood was so much more than just my siblings and I have plenty of people to speak to about my childhood memories if I so wish.

I can empathise there may be sadness of not having siblings but isn't the be all and end of all. No one should be relying on their siblings as their sole support network, it comes in all forms of relationships.

@AnonSoc But even if you don't spend much time together, you know that there's someone out there in the world who is closely related to you, that you have a shared childhood and family history with, and who would hopefully have your back if push came to shove.
Us onlies don't have that, after our parents are gone we have no close birth family. This can cause a particular kind of existential loneliness, for some of us (not all, clearly).

My life isn't terrible, far from it. I enjoy what I have and am thankful for it. But there are some difficulties that are specific to being an only child.
I know the Op asked for positive things and plenty of people have listed those. Threads do evolve though.
She sounds like she's on the fence and is considering going it alone for a second child, so clearly she isn't happy about having an only either. Otherwise she'd be secure in her choice and wouldn't be on here asking for positives.

I never intended ds to be an only and would have had more later in life but turns out ds has a genetic condition I carry gene for and then I needed a hysterectomy for my own health.

I always wanted 6!!!

Separated when ds was 13 months old. (Infidelity - him not me!).

Due to ds needs never got in another relationship.

But the advantages were that I didn't need to spread myself between more then 1. Ds had the opportunities his peers had because I was around to take him and didn't have to manage my diary around other people.

Financially it's been hard at times. Emotionally for me it's been hard at times.

The thing is many of us have siblings we don't speak to, have been in no contact for many years and who won't be providing support with elderly parents so yes I can imagine as the reality isn't all that different.

@Strawberriesandpears what are you hoping to achieve on this thread though? The OP has already said she's not in a position to have a second child, so your anecdotal negative experience isn't going to magic up a situation where she's likely to be able to have a second child. (It would be different, perhaps, if this was a younger OP in a solid relationship and financial situation umming and ahhing about whether to stay one and done).
All you are doing, is kicking the OP she is down, when the purpose of her thread was to hear some positive experiences from people with only children so that she could come to terms with having an only not by choice.

Just like you have no idea what it is like NOT to have a sibling! You can't have it both ways - we don't know what it is like to have a sibling, but somehow you know exactly what it is like not to!

More time, energy and money! I have 3 and love it but can definitely see the pros of sticking with 1. Embrace your precious one and only and use the opportunity to feel more financial freedom and look after your own wellbeing and needs a little more.

I feel quite bad for the OP. She has asked for positives on having an only child as her age and relationship status make it unlikely that she'll be in a position to have a second and the thread has been hijacked by people guilt tripping her. What do these people expect her to do? Rush to the sperm bank and become a single parent to two just for the sake of providing a sibling?

Also, the adult only children on this thread claiming that their lives are terrible because of a lack of siblings don't actually know this is the reason behind their unhappiness, because they have no idea what it's like to have a sibling. All they have is a romanticised ideal of an inbuilt playmate as a child and a source of support in adulthood.

I have a sibling, and we argued frequently as children and they have now buggered off to live abroad as an adult. I haven't spent Christmas with my sibling in years, and all the care of my parents will fall to me.

I realised I haven't talked about the positives. My son is only little so I don't feel I have enough experience however my cousin is an only child. We have many cousins on that side of the family and we are all very similar ages however my cousin is so secure in her life that she doesn't choose to have a close relationship with us and none of us were invited to her small wedding as she's so much closer to her own friends.

She leads a wonderful full life and has chosen not to have children. She isn't lonely at all, she isn't alone despite living in a foreign country and not spending Christmas with her parents. She deep meaningful relationships with her friends. She also had a great childhood and has a great bond with both her parents. She'd be mortified to read some of the melodramatic views that some people have of only children!

Gross! What a horrible and uncalled for thing to say on a thread which asked for positivity.

OP, so many more people are choosing to have just one or finding themselves in the position of only having one, your child will not be alone in these experiences as they get older as there will be so many other onlies they will meet along the way.

I have siblings. My postnatal anxiety and depression was so severe I was hospitalised for six weeks when my son was just four months old. So I made a decision to never allow that to happen again, or have him see me in that suicidal state when he would be old enough to remember it. Hence we have one child.
As an adult he will find plenty of fellow friends who also don’t have siblings. It’s not unusual any more.

Also I had a sibling and it wasn't a good experience!

All this guilt about having 1 child. I didn't realise being childless was a choice tbh. I won't be having another and nosey people making me feel guilty saying my kid is going to be all alone etc can get to fuxk. Another stick to beat women with.

I'm coming back to this point because it's absolutely ridiculous. For arguments sake, if a person is in their 50-60s when their parents die, then yes I'd fully expect a grown up adult to "crack on your own". I'm in my 30s now and my parents long since had responsibility for my life and how I build it.

Your a grown up person not a child anymore. It isn't your parents fault if you've not managed to build any sort of well meaning connections in your life as an adult. You sound incredibly immature.

I am sorry you experience loneliness and anxiety and yes back to your other post yes your feelings are valid. However you've discounted and argued with other viewpoints and other people's experience that doesn't tally with your own. You've been incredibly rude to and about parents of only children. You've badgered parents about saying they don't know the outcome of their children's future when none of know how any of our children's future will play out, siblings or not. You seem to have some sort of warped view that having a sibling would solve all your problems and that people with siblings all lead these happy lives free of anxiety when many people have said that this isn't the case.

I really hope you can move past this as you're in for an incredibly lonely life if you don't.

Our home is noisy, interesting and chaotic too. I love it.