To ask for the positives of only having one child?

Exactly how did you read "the majority of only children, as per this thread" and "there will obviously be exceptions", and interpret that as claiming to know "every single only child?"

That's some spectacular lack of comprehension there.

Do you just invent stuff to dramatise your own narrative?

Because that's a spectacular load of bull to create from: Most only children would prefer siblings in both younger and later years. This thread shows that. My personal experience is aligned with this. The parents of only children are very insistent that their children prefer this, very vocal about how their child absolutely loves it. The majority of only children on this thread beg to differ.

I had dogs, cats, ponies. Endless holidays. Clubs. Activities. Over compensation in other words. They thought they were giving me the world. I'd have swapped the lot for someone to grow up with. I had five cousins in walking distance. It's not the same.

I imagine most children would have looked at me and thought how insanely lucky I was (v. wealthy parents) with all my "stuff" and constant experiences. And yes, it looked like that from the outside. But I wanted to wake up every morning with my sister and creep downstairs. To share secrets. To have a brother to jump out of trees with. To just have someone there to play one bloody board game with without it being a parent or an arranged play date. I would yearn for school holidays to be over, just so I had my friends back. No, playing out often isn't the same. You can't imagine the boredom.

And that's not even the most difficult part. Teen to adulthood as an only, is hard. No sibling to confide in. No sibling to ask for help. My cousins are all siblings and they socialise weekly, at each others, at their parents. Holidays, Christmases, always out together. Childcare. They have nieces and nephews, they are aunts and uncles. They are the proverbial "village" raising their own families. Me? I'm on my own. My parents are in old age. To care for. To worry about. To run after. When they pass it will all be on my shoulders. I'll inherit a fuck tonne. I won't have to share it. Woopy doo.

And my parents will be the first to tell you how charmed and wonderful my childhood was. Couldn't have been a happier child, who wanted for nothing. Oh, but wait, I can't "prove" them wrong, so it must be true...

Do you know every single only child to make a statement like this?

@SoggyTrousers I am so very sorry for your loss.

I am still grieving not being able to have a second child, after many years. My DC would be horrified if she had a sibling and often tells me this. She is a very happy and confident child, and I have tried very hard to make sure she does not miss out on socialisation. We are very close and I cannot imagine having such a close relationship if I had more than one. She has never had an argument with anyone, and I have never had to get angry with her. Again I am sure this would not have been the case with more than one! I still wish I could have another, but I try to cherish and enjoy every minute as I know I am so blessed.

@SoggyTrousers you’ve been through unimaginable grief. I am so sorry.

@SoggyTrousers I'm so sorry for your losses xx

@SoggyTrousers so sorry for your losses.

@SoggyTrousers I am so sorry to hear your story. Sending much love.

There have some truly awful posts on this thread and a complete lack of empathy and failure to understand why some people can't or won't have more than one children. OP, whatever path you choose, please know that research overwhelmingly points to the fact your child will be absolutely fine. I hope you can take comfort from the positive stories people have posted.

So so sorry to read that @SoggyTrousers

I have to say my dc never ever asks for a sibling. I hope he doesn’t start. I actually strongly suspect he wouldn’t take kindly to the arrival of a baby in the house at this point. I think I’m more bothered by him being an only than he is.

I’m so sorry, SoggyTrousers.

I have stood at the funeral of two of my three children. The horror of that means I can't fathom trying again, the prospect of planning another funeral with a coffin for a baby means having one living child is what we consider to be an immense blessing.

I hope when I go, my child is surrounded by their family, which they have built, whom they are loved by.

@neighboursfan67 Thank you, and to you as well. The thing is that my brother isn't even a bad person in any way, we were just so different that we could get on at all. So if having a sibling could be so miserable for us, I dread to think what it could be like if one of the children actually did have mental health or personality issues.

@ClonedSquare my experience with my sister was sadly the same. Solidarity to you ❤️

I have a brother and we loathed each other through childhood. We literally made each other and my parents miserable every day. I don't have a single positive memory of my sibling, the only thing that my parents could have done to improve the situation was divorce and take each of us to separate houses. When my parents die, we won't be standing together supporting each other at the funerals. And we'll almost certainly never speak again.

I'd much rather have been sad every day because I was lonely, rather than sad every day because I was being tormented and never got a happy moment in my own home. And I'd much rather be arranging my parents old age care and funerals by myself.

While our situation is extreme, it's not unheard of and many people I know have negative relationships with their siblings.

If only children on this thread or ones they know failed to make friends or romantic relationships as an adult, it's not because they were an only child. It's quite sad to have multiple children just because you're worried your child won't succeed socially in their own right and needs some siblings who are obliged to put up with them.

One and done. Can't afford to put more than one through uni. She's nearly 16 so can see the light at the end of the tunnel. She'll be off to uni soon and I can get my life back.
I'll never understand those that leave big gaps! (Or can even be bothered doing it a second time or more!) Don't they like sleeping????!

Every thread someone starts asking for the positives of having one child is inevitably hijacked by people complaining about how awful it is. Can we not have one thread where this doesn’t happen?

OP - there are happy and unhappy only children, and happy and unhappy people with siblings. You can’t make a decision about how many kids to have based on some hypothetical future scenario, as you have no idea how things will turn out. All you can do is make the decision that feels right for you and your family now. Have a second child if you want one (but bearing in mind that it will be much harder going it alone than with a partner).

I had three, but was an only child. In some ways I was "farmed out" to extended family, but it was a great childhood, travelling around the UK. We had more disposable income because I was an only. I used to want siblings, until I came to realise what a nightmare it can be if you don't get on, but have to be in their company for the sake of elderly parents. I do have a much older half sibling (my Mum didn't have me until 40) who made life really difficult when my Mum died. OP not only are there positives to only having one child but not having more than one father and family involved.

Time to dedicate just to them, able to have free time, more money so they can have more activities/days out.
Mine has never wanted a sibling even as a toddler. She's nearly 8 now and awesome, we go for lunch together, shopping etc.

I have one sibling and she actually hated and resented me from the time I was born and that has never ever changed. It wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest if I was an only child because I may as well be. I don't want to turn this thread into a "Woe is me" though because there seems to be enough of that on here. All you can do is what you feel is right for you @uhohala . Wishing you the very best

Erm in case you didn’t realise there are lots of people who don’t have more than 1 dc for various reasons outside their control. It is not always a “parents choice” and even if it is their choice it’s none of your business. You don’t know that most only children are miserable . You are assuming this based on your experience.

There is also that:

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20211116-why-only-children-are-still-stereotyped-as-selfish-and-spoilt

Thank you. Someone who understands.

This might be your case but research suggest otherwise that only children are just as happy as those with siblings.

https://researchaddict.com/only-child-effects/