To ask for the positives of only having one child?

I only wanted one so I'm in a different situation to you. I can see how difficult it must be if you want more. I don't regret my choice at all. I am so lucky to have an amazing relationship with my now teenage DD. I don't think I could have coped with more.

I didn't need to make peace with it as I only wanted one.

I'm an only child. It's fine. People really overthink this and it's ridiculous to me.

I love this thread. My 5YO is an only and will be (not by choice). It has been hard to come to terms with not having the big family I envisaged.

I’m so sorry for your friend. You are so right in what you say.

DS16 is an only, I couldn't have any more. He's not spoilt but having grown up with just adults in the household he's a very mature 16 year old. We're very close and do a lot together. I don't know if we would be that close if he had a sibling. I also don't think he would have had the opportunities he's had so far if he wasn't an only as there wouldn't have been the money. I have no regrets.

It is horrible. I’d rather know I’m on my own than be aware there are others who can’t be bothered to pull their weight. I have one friend right now who’s caring for elderly parents and a sibling with mental health problems, while trying to hold down a job. She has three other siblings, two of whom live abroad and the other just isn’t bothered.
My mum was one of four, ended up doing all the elder care as the other three sat on their hands.
It’s not unusual to have one child now, with the cost of living, childcare, education and housing.

Well when I saw your title, I was going to say, when your partner pisses off you don't have to split yourself in two everyday to do school runs and evening activities, but then I saw you're already single. The point is still there though!

Horrible isn’t it. My gran was my world. We are battered and exhausted, over a year after her death while one section of the family have had 9 holidays. ‘So that my child can have a sibling’ is a lame excuse for having another child. By all means do it for you, but there is no guarantee that they will stand together as adults.

A clean, quiet and peaceful environment.

Able to provide her with more opportunities. Wouldn't be able to fund the same level of activity for another child.

She's currently off on an overseas trip with school and I'm free to just be/do.

When she struggled with anxiety post COVID, I could pay for her to have counselling- bloody expensive, but didn't have to weigh up costs against another...

She absolutely loves being an only and nurtures her relationships with cousins and friends from school/activities.

Holidays are easy. I pick a destination, she plans the itinerary and we just go. No bickering, compromising etc.

She's very mature and supported in her endeavours, so is quite confident and self-sufficient.

I have one DC (now a teen) and it did strike me this week that one major advantage is that our family dynamic is at least simple: parents and child; child and parents. Whereas with siblings involved (I have siblings) you have all the potential complications of comparison, equality and differing levels of need to consider…

Easier logistics and cheaper are the pros.

As an only myself, I lived the cons. And it's the reason I have 3DC.

I'm particularly aware that now, it's just me looking after both elderly parents, whereas friends have siblings to share this with. It's not just about being a little child alone, it's very lonely as an adult. I have DH and my own family unit, but it's not like my cousins who are all siblings and have each other, nieces and nephews.

I get that siblings aren't guaranteed to get on. Most do though.

I too, in your position OP, would look further into having a second on my own.

This happens ALL the time. I’ve lost count of the number of people I know who have had to do everything for an aging or sick parent while their siblings did nothing. Completely put to bed for me the idea that siblings share burdens.
Also, having one means DH and I can adequately provide and plan for our own dotage. I’d never expect DS to take us on.

Having watched what my mum (one of 4) went through when my beloved gran was dying, all the hard work dumped on her (and me) I am glad I am an only child. I will only have 1 too.

I loved being an only child so much I've decided to only have one.

I like a calm house. Not having to share resources. I can't bear the thought of 2+ children bickering. Siblings are not all they're cracked up to be.

One here and it’s great. I got him involved in sports teams from the age of 5 so he has a big circle of friends and acquaintances. We have the time and money for a nice life, great holidays and as many hobbies/interests as he wants to do. Most importantly though, we have time to spend with him. He’s 13 now and a happy kid, he’s great. Oh, and his friends the same age can’t stand their siblings at the moment, regardless of how close they played as small kids. He’ll be well provided for and we’re not worried about uni fees.

I have one living child (although he does have an adult older sibling from DHs earlier relationship they've never lived together but do have a bond).

He's decided he's talking up three different institutions and it's fine, we can accommodate that. Plus a sport and another club. He gets a lot of adult input and as a result is fairly confident at speaking up. He can have what he wants. Is the sole focus of several adults and will be provided for.

We feel incredibly fortunate to have him.

We have one child, and it's great. It was a choice, mainly down to my mental health finally being stable and not wishing to disrupt that by coming off medication or running the risk of post natal depression by having another baby. We wanted to ensure our child had a happy mum and not put that at risk.
Travel is easy, we can afford for him to do the hobbies he loves without having to factor in costs of other kids hobbies, he makes friends really easily and he isn't shy about talking to our adult friends. We have a lovely relationship with him, we're his parents but we are really open with him and include him in a lot of conversations. When there is only 1 child in the house I think you do have to be more aware of them not feeling left out - there's no siblings to bitch about the parents to, it's def not a "kids v parents" situation, so we want him to not feel excluded. He went through a stage of asking for a brother or sister a few years ago but he's grown out of that now. We make an effort to ensure he spends lots of time with friends so that he doesn't feel lonely.

All of our friends with kids have at least 2, we are very much the odd ones out. Some of those friends really struggle with 2, some make it look easy. Sometimes when the house is quiet and our son is pottering around in his room I wonder what a noisy, busy household would be like - but I'm a quiet introvert so in reality this calmer family life suits me more.

This comes across so insincerely, unless you had contraception failures four times which I don’t imagine is the case.

Oh another thing, when they start doing play dates and sleepovers you get time to yourself.

I have one child. How can I possibly tell you the positives? In order to do so I'd have to know the negatives of having more than one. But I dont.

Having 1 is amazing. I've seen so many families where the kids are constantly knocking seven shades of shite out of each other.

My house is peaceful (I'm a lone parent) and it means I've been able to afford private education and good holidays.

I have one, they're 13 now. I imagined having 3, but due to health reasons decided not to have another. It was a difficult decision that took years.

All the obvious advantages of more time, energy, money, to provide both now and in the future. A calm house, being able to say yes to her.

The thing that worried me about having an only was her being sociable, not lonely and confident.
When she was a toddler I took her to lots of playgroups, play dates, trips to the park etc. I used to talk to her about 'single serving friends' - kids you meet at the park or soft play and play with while you're there and you might not see them again. We used to practice her introducing herself so when she was little she felt confident enough to go up to a group of unknown kids and ask to play.

I don't think she's missed out, she has a big group of friends who hang out in the park and do clubs together, she knows her mind, can stand up for herself. She's confident enough to perform at school and club shows in front of hundreds. I'm able to say yes to mostly all the opportunities that come her way. We couldn't imagine our family any different than it is now

I would advise that if you are feeling this way, look into going it alone. Speak to others that have done it, put the feelers out.

I almost broke up with my partner when first child was 1 and I knew straight away, that if we did break up, I'd get a donor and do it alone.

2 years later and we now in a much better place which 2 kids.

If you were to go ahead now, it'd be a beautiful age gap.

Sending you courage to take the leap IF it feels like something you want to do xx

I chose to have one so I'm biased!

But for me, I'm an introvert. I enjoy calm and quiet and my own space. That was somewhat difficult to achieve in the early years but I'm seeing the benefit now.

Working full time is also doable as are hobbies for all of us.

We have more money and can pay for a private education.

It's just way easier with one. Life is busy and hectic enough as it is. It's fine to want to carve out time for yourself. This is way harder with more than 1 especially if you don't have willing family help on your doorstep.

Yes I felt guilty when mine was younger and felt I was depriving them but I just didn't want to go through it all again.

Loads of our friends have stuck at one so it's certainly not uncommon - in our circles anyway. I can say without hesitation that the happier parents stopped at 1.

My first was when I was a bit older and second never happened. I guess you concentrate on the one you have. And feel blessed.