To ask for the positives of only having one child?

Sorry, yes you can't help that. Your child will just have to play the cards they have been handed.

You ARE being dramatic. From an only child.

It's on you to build meaningful relationships with others, not on your parents.

I think having cousins who are close definitely helps. That isn't something I had.

Cheers for this. Believe it or not some of us have one child NOT by choice due to secondary infertility. And yes you are being extremely dramatic

My husband is an only child, and he is so sociable, but equally he is comfortable on his own. Which led to a very healthy balance at school, he would only be friends with people who were decent to him, took no rubbish.
But his parents were very conscious of making their home a welcome space to his friends, they converted their garage into a 'boys den' and in secondary his was the hang out place. He is still close to friends from primary who are like brothers to him

I don't relate to the sense that dd is going to be lonely as she gets older, she's 18 now.

I have extended family so she has cousins that's she's grown up with, aunts, uncles, grandparents (who she is v close to.)

It wasn't my plan to have an only child but that's the way it's ended up and for us the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

I think because dd is an only she's always made the effort to go out and make friends, my friends who have kid siblings tend to stick together and not talk to anyone else on holiday etc.

Yeah, I agree that phrase is annoying. Makes having a child sound like it was just a box to tick.

The phrase “one and done” is so irritating for some reason!
That aside - if you have one, there will be no bickering. Massive bonus

I am an only child and me and DH are only having one (currently 29+2)

I had a wonderful childhood. Great holidays, played with a big group of friends, played with cousins and a great relationship with parents. I was encouraged to make friends from a young age and I’m still the same. I still have a phenomenal bond with my parents.

Yes I’ve seen only children be lonely but then I also know people with several siblings who are still alone due to dynamics. It depends on the families and the individuals involved but I don’t see only children as a disadvantage

I do think that is a tad dramatic. Nor do I think it’s right to bring a second kid into the world just as a friend for the other one you had.

I’m sorry you’re lonely tho. But you could be lonely with 3 horrible siblings. It happens often. I’m one of a multiple family, and what you mention you’re lacking is not guaranteed with siblings. What people have said above is true: in multi children families, one is often left caring for the parents.

Many people I know can’t spend Xmas with siblings because it’s a nightmare. In some families, the jealousy is crazy and that expands to the nieces and nephews.

It’s important we invest in friendships and community, single child or not.

I think it is great in these modern times, and you should regret for not a moment more. There are plenty of advantages, and as long as your son has friends, you can always go on hol or do activities with two (where he gets to take a friend of choice rather than a different aged and sometimes resented sibling) Whereas sometimes, occasionally, I am delighted with the interaction between my four, and it can be fun (noisy) the sheer effort of keeping all four happy at the same time is hard yards. They can fight like cat and dog when they choose, and resources are spread thin. And yes, the delight of an evening to yourself while son is on a sleepover, and likewise when you have a sleepover, and your son is happy with ANO will be a joy. HTH x

100% agree with this. Many people with only children do not look far enough ahead. It isn't just about the childhood years. Having a few extra 'play dates' won't mean a thing when they are an adult and find themself without family. The only way an only child can have family is by having children themself. And there is no guarantee this will happen. They might not meet a partner, experience infertility etc. And if that happens, they are alone. Just stop and think about that. How would you like to be alone? Not nice, is it? Think about spending Christmas ALONE. When all around you are families gathering. That's the reality of my life as an adult only child. Then there is the worry of growing old all alone. Terrifying.

No doubt someone will be along soon to tell me I am being too dramatic or that I need help, but this is my reality and I am entitled to share it.

I love this:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7PlNEgM15J/

There is no way on earth I'd have managed as a single mum with two kids because of the cost of childcare.
One was the maximum I could afford and as a result I managed a really good career and bought us a house.
If I'd had more than one we'd have been on benefits and no way would we have bought a nice home.
It meant he had nice holidays and didn't go without.
Now he;s in his 40's he says he never wanted a sibling, he's quite happy as he is and he will be inheriting from his grandparents, me and his father one day so he will be comfortable.

I'm a single parent to one and think it's great, you're like a mini team.

Dd and I did lots of road trips (she is brilliant at working out directions!), holidays, days out.

It's much cheaper only having the one kid, I could afford for dd to do the clubs/hobbies she wanted to do.

Dd also gets lots of time and attention which she has appreciated (she's 18 now!)

People say 2 is more than double the work.

No1 is so easy, we never have to miss anything either because we are working around 1 schedule. Trust me, once you have a 7yo that you can have breakfast with in the mornings (without wrangling a toddler) having a nice walk to school (without fitting in a nursery run) amd a pick up where you can have a snack together and chat then he or she will gonoff and read for an hour (without fighting a sibling) you'll enjoy the peace of your little duo facing the world together. Everything will be special like a mummy/child dates, picking snacks and films together.

I wanted two and wavered until about age 6 and its just pure luxury. We are so close and the house is so calm (which I enjoy despite having always wanted a hustle and bustle).

I got to terms with it when I realised my current reality is perfect. There are no guarantees of a healthy pregnancy, labour or baby, never mind an idyllic sibling relationship. I hope you find peace, however it pans out for you xx

I am one who only has one and I hope my DD is always as happy with my choice as I was/am being an only one.

Same here! One and done by choice as I was also an only and felt perfectly happy with my own life. I never felt I missed out on anything or need to be pitied so I find it very odd how parents overthink the "tragedy" of not giving their kids siblings. Siblings could go in any direction...it's no guarantee you have anyone to share the burden later in life.

I think there are many other factors that can negatively influence a child's life and future prospects growing up, and having siblings actually raises the chances of that instead of reducing it. Some obvious things include more mental load & stress for the parents which can easily spill over onto the children, more financial strain due to the mother not being able to work FT for longer, increased chance of one or more siblings having ND which means uneven splitting of resources for all kids, increased chances of sickness & injury etc.

It essentially comes down to how many variables you can control. With one child, you have a relatively good overview of everything and there are fewer variables that can derail your plans. Eg. As long as one child is healthy, you can go on holiday. If you have two children, the risk is doubled that you might have to cancel in case one of the two gets sick. One child is also much easier to leave at the grandparents or a babysitter. You get more time for yourself or a (future) partner. You get more sleep. You get your pre-child life back faster when they leave home.

As soon as the child hits school age, you also don't have to worry about them being bored. I had tons of friends growing up and was literally out of the house every weekend. I also loved the bliss of going home and knowing I had peace and quiet all to myself.

You can make decisions without having to think about whether you'll be able to do the same for the next child when they reach that stage - whether that's riding/music/ballet lessons, special outings, expensive school trips, visiting university open days for four consecutive weekends. You also avoid the problem of two children wanting to do different after-school activities at the same time and having to decide who wins.

You can do more adult things with one child than two, because when they're bored of it you can go, without the problem of one child being interested and the other bored. You can go places/eat out without risk of bickering, because there's nobody to bicker with. You can do things with them where they need one-to-one help. You can watch family movies easily - no telling the 13 year old it will have to be a PG, or scaring the younger one with something they're not quite ready for.

Reciprocal childcare is much easier - if you normally work school hours but have a later meeting one day, it's relatively easy to organise a playdate for one child, harder to farm out two. (Even easier in my case as DD had friends who were also only children with mums who occasionally needed the same in return.)

Once they start going to playdates and parties without you, you get a couple of hours off.

No bickering in the car, plenty of space for holiday luggage even with a small car.

When they get old enough to decide where they want to meet up, a house where there aren't any siblings around can be an advantage.

I was one of four, and didn't have a problem with that. DH and DD are both only children, and both prefer that - they are both quite happy in their own company. I think it might have been better for DD to have had a sibling during lockdown, but she says it wasn't a problem.

My dh is an only child. His mum wasn't very maternal so he grew up being extremely close to his dad. Their closeness was always lovely to see. I am one of three and our parents were definitely stretched thinner.

We have two who fight like cat and dog and have done since they were tiny. They are two very different people - one is an introvert, one is very extroverted and loud. I envy people with one child and feel I would be a far better parent. Both Dh and I work full time, but we often end up doing things 1:1 with the children so don't get proper family time.

If you are on your own, I 100% wouldn't add another. Two children is more than twice the work.

The fighting, constant bickering all the time! It wears you down. Plus of course the cost. (Caveat: I love the bones of my two, I really wouldn’t change a thing, just pointing out what I wouldn’t miss if I had an only).

I have an only child, not through choice, but I have been on the IVF journey. I definitely went through a period of sadness not having more children but my DH reminded me that we needed to focus on what we had and not what we couldn't have and he was right.

My DD is at uni now and she has turned into a lovely young woman with a great group of friends. When she was younger she definitely wanted a sibling but was bribed with pets instead! Our house has always been full of friends and play dates so I don't think my DD hasn't missed out too much not having a sibling. She definitely had a lot of attention from us growing up and we are very close and chat most days even though she is 200+ miles away.

You mean nobody’s ever said you’re selfish, can’t share, weird, spoilt or lonely?! I jest, of course, but there’s really weird people among us who think so.