To ask for the positives of only having one child?

I was the quiet, compliant child in a well-ordered peaceful household. It was great for my parents. Minimal childcare worries, disposable income and plenty of days out. I’d be in a corner with a book, or dutifully walking around National Trust properties with them at the weekend. You get the picture. I’m sure they’d highly recommend it.

It’s not always so great for the child, depending of course on personality. Which is why I have more than one child and absolutely love my noisy, interesting and occasionally chaotic household.

Only one child whose future to worry about. Poor them, growing up in such a world 😔

No sibling arguments.
Holidays are cheaper.
Everything is cheaper!

His cousin was close to him (cousin said to me at funeral he was closer to him than his own brother - same age and sporty interests whereas the cousins brother wasn’t sporty - he was sat next to his brother when he said this!)
You build your village. Active part of community, close friends.
My husband has 2 siblings but not close to either. In a time of need he’d turn to his best friend of 40 years (who is an only) or me his wife, been together over 30 years.

I'm an only child with an only child by choice.
Most siblings don't get on and thr people I know barely speak to their sibling as an adult.
I will be the only person having to look after my parents....but that doesn't bother me. My husband has siblings and only 1 look after their parent so you can't just presume ll siblings will help the elderly parent.

I have more money....he goes to Lapland, Disneyworld, New York. When he was doing the romans at school we took him to Rome. When he did Egypt at school we took him to Egypt. We were able to give him 100% attention and invest alot in his extra activities outside of school from swimming lessons to music lessons to acting school.
There's no arguments in the car or in the house. They mature quicker. We have been able to provide money for driving lessons, a car and gift him a huge deposit for a house.
Everyone likes friends so of course we put him in clubs but he loves his own space and time too. He has the best of that.
No regrets here. He's not selfish. He's not rude. He knows how to share.

But a close relationship isn't guaranteed. I don't talk to my siblings. I've nothing in common with them and we are 3 entirely different people. They get on with each other and actively leave me out. I stopped texting them and they've never replied since. We didn't even talk at my Moms funeral.

A sibling isn't a guaranteed cure all and you shouldn't expect a sibling to carry you through life either, they are not there to fulfill your needs.

You want to be miserable and a martyr, fine. Most people don't! Instead of blaming everyone else, do something to improve your life.

Definitely, at least less so if we had had a close relationship.

Your feelings are valid.

But you seem determined to be negative about everything and do nothing to help yourself. Instead of wallowing in self pity you could actively choose to do something about your situation. You'll never have a sibling, you need to come to terms with that and move on.

You have no idea how this poster's child's life will turn out!

I've also had depression and anxiety and existential thoughts about the future. I've been diagnosed by a doctor and had suicidal thoughts.

I also have siblings. I don't speak to them but your thoughts and feelings aren't unique to being an only children.

I wouldn't wish depression and anxiety on anyone and I am sorry you are going through it. But yes you are self centred and short sighted to think siblings would somehow cure of your anxiety and that your life would somehow be magically better.

Do you think none of that would have happened if you had a sibling?

The take away from this thread is mostly:

I am definitely in the wrong
My feelings are not valid
I am a horrible, selfish privileged person

I'd rather have no family than a lot of you.

But they won't be alone in the world. This is so dramatic! I'm an only and I have a DS, maybe grandchildren one day. Even if I didn't, I have very close friendships who are as good as family to me, I am NC with my dad and my friends have been far more of a support than he ever was.

@SummerAndSunPlease Thank you for being one of the few people on this thread who understands and gets it.

What if he hadn't been lucky enough to have found a wife and have had children though? Doesn't happen for everyone.

I agree, I have had a very privileged life. It was a great privilege to go to my doctor and be diagnosed with significant anxiety and depression over the existential lonliness I feel. And to have suicidal thoughts. Massive privilege.

I absolutely love my 2 kids but would have been happy to stick at one. I feel like 25% of my time is spent refereeing, and the financial implications of having 2 is massive and much more than I expected

Mines an only now an adult. No regrets. It suited her and us.
My life was definitely easier working and only juggling one for clubs/hol childcare/school.
She always did activities and has close friends. Both her best friends are pretty much onlies with much older half siblings who don’t live with them.
Obviously money wise it’s easier eg uni she can go where she wants as we can afford to top up her minimum loan.
Once we die I’d imagine she’d have a partner and friends.
Just been to a funeral and the only child was well supported by his wife of 35 years, adult children and wife’s family, extended family definitely not alone. You build your support network.

Completely agree with this.

My son is 8 now and I love our little family. He is outgoing and we make sure we make time for him to see his friends

@Strawberriesandpears just because your experience of being an only child has been difficult but it it is not the truth or reality for everyone.

You seem to have some sort of magical thinking that having siblings solves all sort of problems. There are many many reasons that people don't have second children, impact on the mental health of the mother, impact of physical health of a mother or adverse financial aspect. These things have a much more detrimental impact to a child than the small possibility of being alone at Christmas or a lonely figure at their parents funeral.

I would suggest it is you who is short sighred and self centred. It is not selfish to have one child. Siblings aren't the answer for all the problems you list. And there are SO many variables that could happen in a child's future that you can't prevent or prepare for every eventually. At some point people need to take responsibility for their own lives and build their own connections in life.

People have given positive examples of stories on this thread but you seem determined to discount these and that your own experience is the only one that is the truth. All parents worry about their children's future whether they have siblings or not. There's a lot more as a parent I worry about them being alone at Christmas. The fact you list this as one of the worst things that can happen to anyone would suggest to me you have lived a privileged life.

@Strawberriesandpears That must be really hard. I do understand.
I try not to dwell on all these negatives and try to enjoy what I do have. Having close friendships definitely helps, even though it's not quite the same as siblings, so if you can find some way of getting those it will help you to at least not be lonely day to day.

You are assuming people are short sighted and self centred based on a few sentences they have typed on a mumsnet thread ? I think you may want to do a bit of reflection on your own life before judging people so harshly . And I don’t know anyone in real life with any ounce of intelligence who is would refer to childfree people as “selfish”

I have 1 child.

I'm one of 3 and don't talk to my siblings

DH is 1 of 2 and doesn't talk to his siblings.

Advantages: more time with them, things are cheaper, more money for the family means we get to do more things and can support them to do what they want.

They've missed out nothing. They have an excellent friendship group at school, have two hobbies and also volunteer. They are 16.

Ah yeah, I see! Once you pass, it's just like 'byeee' to the child. Nice knowing you. Crack on on your own now!

Do you not think about these things whilst you are still alive? I have heard the 'childfree' be called selfish, but my goodness, some of you parents are so short sighted and self centered it's unbelievable!