Can I refuse a work leaving gift?

You never, ever know when you might come across someone from your past in your future. Rise above and leave well. You will only look bad if you don't - grossly unfair, given this history, I know. But to do anything but be gracious here will reflect poorly on you, not them.

When you're established in the new role, you will have plenty of opportunities to politely make it clear if there are legitimate business grounds not to send chances the old employer's way - after all, who knows better than you, what their strengths and weaknesses are?

You won't win by doing anything but smiling, nodding and moving on. The best revenge, as they say, is success.

Just take the higher ground and gracefully accept any gifts and cards. You will be into your new job within a few weeks and wonder how you stuck your last post out for so long. Please don't worry about it and good luck in your new job. Well done you!

in most places contributions are anonymous aren't they?
therefore if you reject the gift manager won't really be able to give everyone their money back, and if they are that much of a twat might not even try to. Do you really want them to get a free gift themselves?

Rejecting the gift isn't saying anything to your ex-manager, they might not have even contributed to it if the relationship is that bad. But it will be a very insulting to your ex-colleagues who it doesn't sound like you have any issue with? Not to mention it will make a terrible first impression for your new colleagues.

Doesn't mean you have to gush over it though. A polite smile and a 'say thanks to the team,' (rather than thanking them directly!) is all that's needed, followed by a 'better get back to work, don't want to be seen standing around chatting on my first day.'

OP if you refuse to accept the gift you will lose control of the narrative. Manager will return to former colleagues and tell them you are a moody bitch or an ungrateful one. Word will get around the company and you really won’t be able to do anything about it. No way will they say that they understand your position.
Hope you enjoy your new position and are appreciated

I had a job where I was bullied and treated differently/unfairly in comparison to colleagues of a similar grade/experience but from a different training background; all the while I was doing overtime back at my old organisation who picked up how unhappy I was so asked me to interview for a promotion compared to why I had been before I moved. Got the job and, when I handed in my notice, I told the head of department that I didn’t give permission for them to let anyone know that I was leaving. I had annual leave for 2 weeks at the end of the rota and was gone before the new one was published to staff so, they only knew when my name no longer appeared in the list of staff.

I did get a few texts expressing surprise that I had moved on and said nothing; a couple of people asked the manager to forward good luck cards on to me (which I received via HR along with my P45) but not one word from those who had ‘marked my card’ Wasngood as it meant I didn’t have to feign happiness at being presented a card filled with fake platitudes and a gift from the on site shop (most people leaving got logo’d mug, teddy, notebook/journal type things included in their leaving gifts) nor did I have to go to an excruciating afternoon tea on my last day!

That was definitely worth leaving. Did you leave it where everyone could see it was left behind?

That it’s really odd what you’re suggesting! Be normal and accept the gift ???

I left a leaving present from me at my last job, a box of chocolates and a card that said "sorry for your loss"

Accept the gift.

Anything else will look bitter and unhinged. And you don’t need those words swirling around you.

Thank you for the update, OP.
Good that you reconsidered about the gift.

I hope you will like your new job!

Refusing a gift would look petty - better to accept in a low-key way and get on with your day. If it's not a voucher you could do as others have suggested and give it to charity. If you don't want it anyway I doubt it matters which day you receive it. Move on.

Being passive aggressive in the workplace is not a good look. The only person this would hurt is the OP.

Just say thank you for their generosity but you can’t possibly accept Or how kind my favourite charity will love this !

I think it's really shitty what they've done OP, and it's funny because if you had just posted the background and that nobody even sent you a card on your leaving day or said anything to you, without mentioning you didn't want to accept the gift, people would probably be suggesting you don't accept it! Mumsnet is contrary sometimes.

FWIW I would quietly accept it. It's not only going to be your crap manager signing it remember, and also, as bad as they are for doing this, I do agree that the most pragmatic thing to do is to accept it. I wouldn't be making a big fuss to say thank you though!

Accept the gift and learn how to paragraph.

I would accept the gift graciously and thank the ex manager just a little too profusely for all his support and hard work

At my place there's been a few people who have handed in their notice or been made redundant and said at that point that they don't want any kind of leaving collection or speech.

But if the collection has already happened its a bit late for that. Just accept in a low key manner

Well done for taking the good advice on board graciously OP.

Nooooooo!

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a unanimous thread before. They’re all very wise women @MyOliveDuck.

To refuse, regardless of the circumstances would be VVVU and unspeakably ungracious. But hey, it's your reputation.

If there's a card going around then it's a gift and card from everyone. Try and think of it that way rather than focus on your manager.

It doesn't matter what they think or do anymore - you're off to better places!

"Oh, how lovely. When nobody said goodbye to me on Friday, I thought you'd all forgotten I was moving on."

Personally if you haven’t received on your last day I doubt manager will come and find you on your 1st day. It could be a collection went round or not enough was collected. I know often with staff collections people opt out as forever putting in for birthday, leaving, new baby etc

Glad you have made your decision, from what you have written your colleagues don't need something to gossip about. I am glad you did the right thing in your previous job.

If you think old manager will use it to publicly win points with the MD then I'd be accepting graciously and saying how lovely it is of the team to give you a gift, thank you so much to the team, how kind blah blah.