Everyone given gold award except DD

nah

storm in a tea cup

Or possibly that it happened on Friday and it’s only Sunday now, so the teacher, understandably, hasn’t responded yet?

If DD was the only one not to get gold, I’d be upset about it and the reason for it would have to be very good.

@mumindoghouse the OP said herself that her daughter is not the best dancer and has inherited her lack of coordination. Which is probably why she got silver.

If DD was the only one not to get gold, I’d be upset about it and the reason for it would have to be very good.

If- which may be more likely-others also got silver or even bronze, just not in her friendship group then you’ll have no trouble supporting her.

At 8, in fun after school dance club, DS was never awarded the highest award which usually went to the girls. We just told him we were proud. He kept going when most of the boys dropped out.

Roll on a few years and for his dance degree he was given an offer by every UK conservatoire and he hopes to make a career in dance. So what one teacher in one club at an early age thinks doesn’t mean too much in the long run.

I hope what happened was the second para OP.

Also that if her child had been awarded gold and not silver the whole issue of finding out that there was a competitive aspect and it wasn’t just for fun wouldn’t have been an issue even if one of the other children had been given silver.

i suspect that given the op hasn’t been back

that it was a storm in a teacup and the OP hasn’t got the full picture

I did add another comment when I understood that the club was supposed to be about fun and that OP never knew there was any kind of assessment involved.

My 7 year old daughter does shit loads of competitive and non competitive sports. I think this is a dick move, it's a participation award, and those should be the same for all kids.

I'd probably just suggest that the teacher is being a bit of a plum, and that I can imagine it wasn't fun for daughter but you're proud of how she handled it with grace. Tell her it's the start of an adult life lesson- people can be plonkers and not to rely on external awards and approval but to work on how SHE felt when she was dancing with her friends. Make your own certificate with the things she learnt during the term- friendship, teamwork, looking after her kit/being organised, whatever.

For my daughter who is competitive, I tell her you don't want to be the kid at the top of the pile, you want to be the kid coming third or forth. It means you've got skill and talent, but you've got a way to go and a lot to learn. It strengthens your perseverance muscles, your NGU (never give up, thank you Bear Grills 🙄) muscles. It makes you hungry.

Whip out a bit of Malcolm Gladwell- sports stars aren't the ones that looked special right from the start, the stars are the ones that had a mix of a bit of talent and suffered a few knocks along the way and learnt to work for it.

i will take a punt Op that it wasn’t “everyone”?

This !!

Can only agree. I'd ask to see the teacher gently and enquire what the criteria were. I'm sure you aren't 'that mother' but I think you can ask. DD would like to know how to improve...etc

Yes, but the Op says she doesn’t know this for sure. Her Daughter says that “all” got gold, but we all know about the famous “all” that comes from kids mouths.

You don’t put 2 and 2 together, make 5, then start a thread about how cross you are without knowing the facts for sure.

But OP (maybe you have already reached out to the school, apologies if you have) you need to find out what happened first. A friend of mine went ballistic after being told by her DD ‘everyone’ had had something at school only to find out they hadn’t. That might not be the case with your DD but you need to know firsts. I struggle with these sorts of posts because when they are written parents often haven’t gone and clued themselves up. They listen to their child and react with half of what’s potentially happened.

On a little side note, we teach our son to take school accreditations with a pinch of salt, as they are often not handed out for the reason you think or expect, so we yell him knows he has done it or completed something then he has achieved it, so be proud of yourself.

Obviously, it's ridiculous to be "grading" kids when you had no idea this was happening in an afterschool club. Absolutely, if you sign her up for a dance school or music lessons , she will be ready for being picked or not or achieving the next grade or not, but a class she really enjoyed and thought was great, to then be unexpectedly be told you didn't make the grade is completely different.

I do probably think though that it was her little group of friends who got gold so she felt like everyone did, I'm sure no teacher would just single one child out, but I would be asking (politely as you did) what the criteria for gold was as you weren't aware it was graded before hand to prep her.

As mentioned by another poster, the issue is that the criteria was not clear upfront.
You can't give gradings and pass them as generic judgements on the child. If the child knows ahead of time that x y z have to be achieved it's a different matter.

Wouldn't it just be a participation award if everyone got gold which makes it meaningless anyway.

This exactly. If it’s a grading scheme and she hasn’t reached the right level, then they can’t just give it her because everyone else HAS reached that level. Don’t be ridiculous

Oh...i skipped that bit. She got an award thats good!

It was, she got silver. It’s not like she didn’t get anything. And the OP even said her DD is uncoordinated and not the best dancer.

I think OP getting a bad rap. I think its crap she didn't at least get an award if not gold. It encourages kids if they get something. I see this a lot these days. I am more awarding kids for showing up and trying rather than competitiveness and being the top.

I also wonder if your daughter was the only child to not get a gold but that's beside the point really.
You were led to believe that it was a fun after school dance activity, not a graded dance exam. Fine to give each child a 'congratulations' achievement award for their attendance and enthusiasm or whatever but not gold, silver, bronze bollocks.
I'd be interested to know the teacher's explanation and reasoning.

Wise advice.

I’ve read that it’s much more effective to praise a child for effort rather than achievement. It seems it encourages them to keep trying. It’s certainly worked with your daughter, who is still working hard, and getting good results.

Praising a child for doing well can apparently cause them to fear that they won’t do as well the next time, and their parent will be disappointed. But if they know that they simply have to give their best, they gain confidence.

But why can't they do things without being evaluated all the time, just for fun? Particulatly an after school class where they are just trying out different sports or activities for fun, not to take it up professionally in the future or become regional champion.

I don't get graded in yoga, running or going to the gym. Why subject children to this? We need to encourage life long mass participation in physical activity, it shouldn't only be about elite athletes.

And I say that as someone with a DD who is a very good competitive dancer.

I'd bet money on the likelihood that every single other kid in the class didn't, in fact, all get Gold.

Just contact the after school club and ask!