What are your true thoughts re this violent incident?

Look what you made me do?
'If she hadn't burnt dinner.. I wouldn't have punched her'
'If he hadn't upset me, I wouldn't have stabbed him'
If she hadn't tried to leave me, I wouldn't have killed her?

I think in self defence it’s ok.
But in any other circumstances it’s common assault.

Chavs seem to have their own code of conduct l though from what I’ve seen, but I’m not familiar with the nuances.

There's no justification for not being able to control your anger and act in violence. The whole thing of she didn't expect it to hit him is bullshit because otherwise why throw it?

Cheating is wrong, obviously. But violence is inexcusable, illegal and disgusting behaviour. If you excuse this then you also have to excuse all the incidents of male on female violence.

You say humans. That implies you think it's understandable for men to use violence against women in certain circumstances.

Can you please confirm or deny this.

So pretty much on the fence then.

What were the 'surprising reactions' that shocked you?

@Iwasafool I hear you. I know the way I feel is wrong. I would of course rationalise my feelings if the situation was real. But I'd have to kind of un-think my prejudice first. But of course the violent one should be punished. Regardless of sex.

The OP has said it was a photo frame.

Yeah and when men lose their temper "in the moment", women die. But according to you, someone "snapping in the moment of truth" is understandable and doesn't make them bad.

Catch yourself on.

I’m a fleer too, but others aren’t. There but for the grace of god, etc. Thank goodness I have that particular brain chemistry or my ex would be dead and I’d be in prison.

What did she throw out of curiosity?

Well I'm firmly in the flight camp there I suppose! But there it is.

I could understand you having no sympathy if it was a man who had split your lip but presumably this man had never hurt you so it's hardly appropriate for him to be punished for the crimes of someone else. No one has ever split my lip but I'd think if I'd experienced that I'd sympathise with the victim not the violent one.

That’s why it’s called “Fight or Flight”.

My instinct is to run. Sorry if you find that offensive, but that's what I'd do. Get me and my child out of there. If there was an historic offence, I'd be down to the police.

A better analogy would be if a woman had an affair, would she deserve to have a metal and glass object with shape corners thrown with force at her head?

Although if that was asked many posters would stilll want to know if her DH did his share of the cleaning.

What about if it isn't sustained violence to a woman, what if a man has a momentary loss of control. Is that OK?

In my own case I was a teenager, been married a week when a colleague of my exhusband's contacted me and wanted to meet. She told me she was pregnant with his baby and that she had slept with him the night before the wedding in the flat we were moving into in the bed we'd bought together. I was broken hearted but I didn't hit her or him. Lashing out is never the answer.

There would be absolutely zero posts justifying this behaviour if it was a man splitting a woman's lip in anger. Embarrassing double standards as usual.

Can I just ask, if you found out that your child had been abused by someone, and they were sat in the same room as you, are you so calm that it wouldn't cross your mind to fucking punch them in the face? I mean, they abused your child last week, so you can't say it's self defence. Are some people really that Zen, all the fucking time? Don't believe it, sorry.

I agree. I once read about a mother lashing out and hitting a policeman who was delivering the awful news that her teenage son had been killed in a car crash. Even though it’s wrong to hit a person, it’s entirely understandable and forgivable in the context of trauma.

In the case of this post, the man’s actions (infidelity) were undertaken while he was of a calm, sane mind and were premeditated. The woman’s weren’t, and they shouldn’t be compared as though they were the same, imo.

Exactly!

Some people are just asking for a slap!

(Oh and in case you didn't notice, I'm being sarcastic!)

I disagree. We expect men not to do these things and rightly so. There's no excuse for women to behave like that. There is never an excuse for violence, unless it's self defence.

So, the guy has repeatedly lied to her, snuck around, put his dick into another woman, and no doubt gas lit her somewhere along the way, and she is the bad one for snapping in the moment of truth and chucking something at him?

COME ON!

He's a fucking sleaze, and she just lost her temper in the moment. Poor woman. Having to call the wedding off because he can't keep it in his pants. Hope the lip still hurts. Sorry, not sorry.

In an ideal world everyone would be able to calmly gather their thoughts and their stuff and leave in this scenario, but in the face of intense emotional trauma some people behave wildly out of character. And so to answer your question, yes I would take these circumstances into consideration if it had been a man throwing a photo frame at his cheating partner. It’s unacceptable and dangerous regardless of the sex of the thrower, but to label them as an inherently bad or violent person because of one isolated, highly emotional reaction to traumatic news, I just don’t think is fair or accurate.

It's sounds awful to say, but if the person throwing the object was male I'd want them imprisoned. If it was a female I'd hope they'd get a slap on the wrist. Can I justify why I feel this way? Not really. Other than I've been beaten up by and had split lips many times from abusive men so I have less sympathy?