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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is husband being unreasonable with mail?

63 replies

Cookingwithflo · 12/07/2024 15:54

I had bought my partner tickets to two shows in London, I've had to put them both down with his name as I'm going through a name change at the minute. We had just received the physical tickets today and I had asked if I could open them as I did buy them and wanted to check if all was okay, he's gone in a huff really and had said it's not fair and it is his mail to open as it is addressed to him. I know this is silly but I have spent over £300 on 2 concerts and 2 live events and it seems he is really just being ungrateful with them all at the moment. Of course I'm not expecting a thank you but I definitely did not expect this reaction to me asking if I can open the letter with the tickets.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
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Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 13/07/2024 07:28

Why on earth aren’t you expecting a thank you??

He’s a horrible twat. Probably with secret debt and doesn’t want you stumbling across bailiff letters.

caringcarer · 13/07/2024 07:23

🚩🚩🚩

Butchyrestingface · 13/07/2024 07:10

Of course I'm not expecting a thank you

Why not?

Are you a surrendered wife?

Allie47 · 13/07/2024 07:09

He has something to hide and was worried you'd open a different envelope I reckon 🤷‍♀️

Lurkingandlearning · 13/07/2024 06:55

Is he away from home for a while? Because if he’ll be home later on the day they arrived I think you’re being a bit daft. Excited to see them and make sure they are as they should be is understandable but it can wait till the evening.

If he’s away and won’t be opening the envelope for a few days or longer he’s being a dick.

FeatherBoas · 13/07/2024 06:47

Why didn't he just open it then and there? I would have handed the envelope over and said this looks like the tickets, and he would open it, unless he said you open it. I often buy bits off my accounts that DH wants, I know what they are when they arrive, but wouldn't normally open myself unless it was urgent and he wasn't around.

Poolstream · 13/07/2024 06:43

I frequently open mail addressed to dh if he’s not around to do so.
However we’re talking bills and tradesmen quotes. Things that we both deal with.
Anything that looks personal I will put to one side.
Theatre tickets for both of us I would definitely open.

You should have just opened them if you knew what they were.
He sounds ungrateful.

Emilywiththegreeneyes · 13/07/2024 06:30

I don’t understand why it matters who opens an envelope. You can check the tickets are all ok (why wouldn’t they be?) without being the one who opens the envelope.
It sounds a bit infantile on both sides really.

Catmoobs · 13/07/2024 06:20

The behaviour of some of these husbands…it beggars belief.

Boredlass · 13/07/2024 06:10

If this was my DH, I’d wonder why he was overreacting so much. Is there something he doesn’t want me to see? I never open DHs mail but this would obviously be for me and my DH would have no issue with this

BananaSpanner · 13/07/2024 05:48

rwalker · 13/07/2024 05:44

I would never dream of opening someone’s mail even in these circumstances

I wouldn’t open anyone’s mail even it they told me to

just find it a massive invasion of privacy

It’s not an invasion or privacy, they both know what’s in there and she only ordered it in his name for an admin reason. There is no privacy to invade in this instance.

Legally, he can insist it’s his post to open but given the situation the OP has described, if it’s resorting to that then it doesn’t bode well for the relationship.

BananaSpanner · 13/07/2024 05:45

Why had neither of you opened the envelope??

He’s being a dick.

rwalker · 13/07/2024 05:44

I would never dream of opening someone’s mail even in these circumstances

I wouldn’t open anyone’s mail even it they told me to

just find it a massive invasion of privacy

GalileoHumpkins · 13/07/2024 05:40

He's an international hitman and his handler only ever contacts him by mail, once he opens his secret correspondence it self destructs in 30 seconds. He, quite rightly so, doesn't want you to know about this as he's spun you a line about working in the garden centre at B&Q and going to stay with his nan at weekends.

Or, he's a bit of an arse, could be either really.

sashh · 13/07/2024 05:04

He's an arse.

In future if you book in his name put the address as 'care of' and your name.

Codlingmoths · 13/07/2024 02:07

I would just say flatly ‘you don’t seem very interested, in fact you’re actually pretty snippy. They were expensive and I’d hate to resent having wasted the effort so I’ll take someone else.

sixthvestibule · 13/07/2024 02:00

He’s got a guilty conscience.

CarpetSlipper · 13/07/2024 01:24

DP sometimes orders things for himself to my address if he’s working away. It has my name on it but it’s definitely his post.
The tickets were paid for by you, for both of you and have his name on for a specific reason. It’s not his post and I’d have just opened it.

His over reaction suggests he has something to hide or is just very controlling.

This is not the same as opening a bank statement or birthday card.

Divebar2021 · 13/07/2024 01:06

Why would you not just wait till he got back. I would never open a letter addressed to DH and would consider it fucking intrusive if anyone opened any mail of mine deliberately. That being said if there was some pressing reason why he needed to open it I would let him go ahead… I just don’t get why you needed to in this instance.

Lilacapples · 13/07/2024 01:02

comedycentral · 12/07/2024 23:35

Hmm has he got secret bank accounts, credit cards statements or sti clinic tests he doesn't want you to see? Very odd otherwise in a marriage, it's not like you were snooping

Eh? It’s tickets in there. They know what’s in the envelope. Honestly the whole thing is just weird . Just let him open the envelope and then check the tickets and then consider if you really want to stay with someone who acts like a 12 year old 🙄

Lilacapples · 13/07/2024 00:57

StrawberryWater · 12/07/2024 16:10

Even though you paid and organised it all he wants control over the tickets and I bet he has no plans to even take you along with him. He'll open that envelope when you're not around (making convenient excuses not to do it in front of you) and then he'll refuse to show you the tickets and then he'll take someone else.

Bit of a stretch 😂😂

LiterallyOnFire · 13/07/2024 00:54

LividLoved · 12/07/2024 15:58

What is he trying to hide?

Not a normal reaction from him.

Fair question TBH.

poppiepudding · 13/07/2024 00:53

what a weirdo

Ponderingwindow · 13/07/2024 00:18

I seriously hope you aren’t changing your name to match his.

it wouldn’t have even occurred to me to ask to open ‘his’ mail. Unless it looks especially personal, DH and I just sit down with the mail and open everything as efficiently as possible. It’s such a chore that neither one of us is going to worry about whose name is on an envelope.

Bluebirdover · 13/07/2024 00:12

comedycentral · 12/07/2024 23:35

Hmm has he got secret bank accounts, credit cards statements or sti clinic tests he doesn't want you to see? Very odd otherwise in a marriage, it's not like you were snooping

STI tests?