Wife doesn’t want to have sex

😂😂😂. oh lord is that the best you have?

For a start a woman would post in relationship board not AIBU.

Wild guess but did her sex drive dip around the same time children came along?

42 is probably too early for perimenopause, maybe she's exhausted and feels under appreciated.

So your wife had a history of no longer fancying partners after a period of time? This is unfortunate because most people are able to transition from the initial novelty/excitement and to take pleasure even when the person is familiar. If your wife can't do that, and your shelf life is up as it were, unless she's prepared to try to recapture some enthusiasm, or you're prepared to go without, you're probably going to have to separate.

Oh right it’s a man asking about lack of sex in his relationship (waves broom at him) ‘go on, get out of it, shooo, shooo!’

so you have and will be asked if you do enough house work, if your a sex pest, which you clearly are, your male, young and would like a sex life with the partner you chose.

Now OP, yeah if your a good chap and your lives are even in terms of housework etc and also your not a selfish two push Charlie in bed, but take your partner into consideration then you know what? relationships shouldn’t be this hard. We shouldn’t have to negotiate with a partner who doesn’t want us near them, it’s not ok to pull away from someone without any explanation. It’s cruel for anybody to change the goalposts of a normal loving and sexual relationship, if everything has been discussed and she has no more to add as an explanation as to why, then leave and find someone who will enjoy all aspects of what we have been given in this very short life. Before anyone comes at me, I’ve been sexually assaulted a few times, abused and once raped, if there are serious issues then they should be questioned and dealt with, but if your in a healthy loving relationship, yes you should be having sex, really fancying each other, but not have to fill out a form or checklist for the right conditions in order to have it.

Relationships ebb and flow, we have little dry spells and mood changes, but we shouldn’t have to face being left puzzled and out in the cold, relationships shouldn’t be hard, go and enjoy one with someone else who’s not as bloody cold, you sexy pest you!! (Just remembers your a man again)

You're going to get very mixed opinions here but I'm just going to say at 35 you shouldn't be celibate and wondering if your undesirable and have to beg for sex... I couldn't be in a sexless relationship. Your not overreacting. I'd try and see the causes and if they are sortable if not I'd consider 👜🎒

Yawn.

only because its a man posting... i bet if it was a woman, you'd be in there braying for blood... LTB.. all men are pigs... blah blah blah.

I know it does. The OP always comes back and says they do everything around the house.

@cupcaske123 well no I am not and I couldn't have sex with my DH if I felt he didn't want to. So I accept your point

@ccupcaske123 because doing all the domestic labour causes resentment?

Ar you mounting your husband and having quick perfunctory sex knowing he doesn't want it?

The problem is that sometimes there is just no problem, libido ceases through nobodies fault and as such there is no remedy.

I think a lot of you are unnecessary jumping on OP because he is a man.
I am in this situation myself except it is my DH who doesn't want sex. It is a really upsetting place to find yourself in so maybe some of you should be a little kinder to the OP

I don't know why people ask this . They always come back and say they're house slaves.

If you have 2 children how old are they?
She might be exhausted and touched out! And also doing a million and 1 other things so frankly is exhausted.

Speak to her about it but don't frame it of I want more sex but a discussion about how things are split, if unequal can you readdress the balance.
For many women it doesn't work like a immediate switch you need to take time and effort (on both parts).

It's also not unusual with young children for things to take a back burner for a bit.

Do you pull your weight at home? Is she stressed? Does she get time to herself?

Tbf, we don’t know for sure that this is a man.

OP has only responded so far that they have two children and the ages of OP and their wife despite several questions being asked for more info.

If George clooney turned up I’m sure she’d be ok.

So are you attractive op? Having fun together? Dating? You must know deep down why she isn’t that interested and it won’t all be housework and hormones

you need to ask HER (not us), we can only speculate as we have no clue why she stopped having sex with you. It could she doesn't find you attractive, she's angry and doesn't want to connect that way, menopause, depression, you being very lousy in bed, she got herself a lover, she bought a dildo, you got bad breath, an ugly beer belly or she simply stop being interested in sex end off and it has nothing to do with you.

Ask her, tell her it's not cool and this is not what you signed up for.

It’s a psychological phenomenon that has been increasingly studied over the last decade or so. Basically when men refuse to pull their weight in marriages and relationships, expecting their wives to care for them as if they were children instead of acting like equal partners, it causes her to perceive him more like a child that she is a caretaker for. She then loses sexual attraction to him and sometimes even becomes revolted at the idea of sex with him (some think this is because the incest taboo is triggered by his behaviour).

Please, just look at the endless threads from women of all ages/generations on here. Most of the frustrations is from women who are fed up of carrying the entire mental load of the family whilst the husband thinks going to work is enough of a contribution whilst also expecting their sex lives to stay the same. It’s actually shocking that on a website primarily of women, many have jumped to ‘is it her hormones’ - many women with young children have the same issue of a man who ‘doesn’t see mess’ or thinks the nitty gritty of raising children is down to the wife. When your partner starts behaving like a moody teen who needs all chores listed for them, sexual attraction can fall off a cliff.

Of course if @Ollie90 would like to come back and clarify a few things rather than just whine he’s not getting any sex I’m sure we can put that argument to rest.

What fantastic advice 🙄

OP, you need to try and talk to her. Can you get an evening or afternoon to yourselves to discuss what’s happening? You may need to consider counselling, but talking to her is the only way you will discover what is going on and if it’s fixable. THEN you can consider the future of your relationship, but please don’t have an affair or just leave without trying as this poster is suggesting, not if there’s still love.

TBF it did in our house. DH has always done more than his fair share and we’ve always had a great sex life - married 20 years.

OP - sex is a ‘whole life thing’ for women with kids, not a ‘separate from the day’ thing.

Nailed it in the second post.

What makes HER feel loved and seen? It might be complementing her, asking how her day is going and showing a real, genuine interest in her life/work/hobbies. Hugging on the sofa, holding hands.

She is your wife. What does SHE need to feel loved and connected? And are you actually doing that for her? Do you show her non-sexual affection?