Dh’s mum is likely to pass away, Dd having intrusive thoughts, do I tell my parents not to come and stay? (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

Do they know the situation? Depending on how their visits usually go they need to understand that that you cant focus pn them all fortnight?

Wishing you the best OP.

Firstly, how old is your DD? There was an article in The Times about young children suddenly becoming suicidal from catching I think a virus and their despair clearing up after antibiotics.

Secondly, could you arrange for your parents to stay at a hotel for some of the trip? They could then take DD out for special days whilst your husband grieves.

I’d make them aware of the situation first, but would welcome their support and help if they could do that for you all.

💐💐

Ask your husband what he'd prefer.

But don't underestimate how much support you'll need and how much time your DH may end up spending with his family without you.

We lost MIL in April and DH spent the majority of his time with his dad and siblings - while of course I supported from home, I was on my own a lot - you may find your parents being around much more helpful than you think.

If the rest of the household get on with them and you know they’ll offer support - let them come. If not, then don’t.

Sounds like a tough time OP, sorry.

Sorry to say this, his mum has not died yet, but your title says she has .. it feels a bit disrespectful.

As for your family visiting - it could be good for all of you with this awful news of your mil, your mum and dad could help with dd while your dh tends to things as he needs to. But ultimately, I’d go with what your dh wants - he may feel it’s now intrusive, or he may feel it will help makes things easier for him.

I would cancel them, because your husband will need your full attention. Plus you may be involved in some of the practical & admin matters following the death. This is really not a time for guests, IMO, but I suppose it depends on your family dynamic.

Factors include:
What's actually wrong with your DD - you say inflammation, what does this mean? Does she need medical attention?

Is your DH a private person who wouldn't want to grieve with your IL around? Would other members of his family want to come round and potentially use guest bed your parents would use?

How far is the journey and would your parents lose a lot of money if they change at short notice?

What's their relationship like with your DD, could they take care of her so you can support DH?

Was DD close to dh's mother? Is she close to GP? By intrusive thoughts do you mean mental health crisis?

So many things to think about. Maybe advising parents of situation would be wise - compromise would be finding them Airbnb or similar so they can stay separately but give you space. That way they get to see and support you but could also allow for privacy and they could enjoy their break a bit/have outings without feeling bad about it. Dd could also visit them there.

If they're the type of parents who will not ask too much of you and be willing to go out for a few hours alone if you need space and help out around the house, cook meals etc then that could be helpful. It depends on what your DH thinks really; he's about to go through one of the toughest days of his life and he may prefer to just have you and his daughter around him.

I think it all hinges on how your husband feels about it.

It sounds like there so much happening right now for you, OP. Does your DD have a known medical condition (with episodes/flares) or are these new symptoms? Please bring her to medical attention if new/deteriorating symptoms.

I don't think you should cancel their visit. Unless your husband wants you to.

Intrusive thoughts are quite normal unless your daughter has a diagnosed condition?

Depends on your DH and the relationship between him and your parents.

My MIL came to stay after my Dad died and it was awful and I've never forgiven her. But she was expecting me to take her out to the pub and for dinner etc which I just wasn't up to.

I would prioritise your husband’s wishes above anything else. What would he prefer? If I was grieving then the last thing I would want would be to have my in laws, or any other visitors, around. But he may feel differently.

I wouldn’t worry about it being too short notice to cancel- the impending death of a parent means that normal rules don’t apply.

It’s all about dh. Ask him.

It very much depends on whether you think they'll be a help or a hindrance.

I would have had my parents come over as I think they would have been a help, certainly in terms of practical stuff keeping everything going.

Totally depends on the type of relationship you have with them.
If they are supportive and helpful - let them come
If they treat it as a holiday and expected to be waited on hand and foot- let them know if is a really bad time and ask them to postpone.

That's an impossible question for strangers to answer.

It would depend on the relationships between you all. If your dps have a loving supportive relationship with you all and would offer practical support then it would be beneficial. But if they expect to be catered for during their stay and are not close to your dd that would be different.
My focus would be on the needs of your dh and dd given the severity of your mil's health. Would your dp's visit help them? Or be distressing to them?
Will your dps support them and you? Or add to the stress? Only you will know the dynamics.

You need support now, you may not want to leave tour DD alone if her MH is fragile and they will be on hand to help you cope. You are going to be in a difficult position with your DH and DD both going through traumatic times. Let them come if they will help, if they are just going to be extra people for you to worry about and look after cancel.

Massively depends on the relationship you have with them. If they are going to be sensitive towards your DD and offer practical help then it could be an absolute god send at such a time. If they are the type to sit on the sofa and expect to be entertained and catered for, then postpone them to another time. Speak to your DH and to your DPs, make sure you are all on the same page before committing either way.

Are they helpful self sufficient people, or will they just add to work and burden?

As others have said a lot depends on the people involved and the circumstances.

How does you dh get on with your parents?
Are your parents the kind of people who are happy to help out and also do there own thing? Or they the kind that sit back and expect to be waited on.
How old is your dd?
Does your dh's mother nearby or will you need to travel to her?

Can you ask them to get a hotel? So it's not so full on.