Dh’s mum is likely to pass away, Dd having intrusive thoughts, do I tell my parents not to come and stay? (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

She did and then posted his reply on this thread.

Op, pretend in your head that she did ask and then phone her and tell her what the answer would be.

Ask your husband rather than strangers

If it were me I’d want my parents or DPs parents to come. They would offer to do some nice things with grandkids, they would help do the garden or jobs around the house, they would cook some nice meals and also provide practice support as they have dealt with parents dying and the admin etc involved.

I think another pair of hand would be welcomed if the relationship is all OK between you all

Does your DH have another parent/sibling that he'll have to support? Will your parents give practical help, shopping/cleaning while you are supporting your DH/DD? We would, so our DD would want us with her. Are they understanding of MH conditions? so they would sit with your DD if your DH wanted a late night walk and chat etc.

My mum died last year and I really struggled with visitor's Even my own grown children coming to stay was too much. I loved them dearly but I just wanted space to grieve.
As for DH's parents, as much as I love them there was no way I wanted to see them especially DH's mum. She was a reminder of what I had lost. I know that sounds awful but that's how I felt at the time.

Calling them sounds a good idea. Families often like to be let in to what is going on and how everyone is.

She is not a mind reader - if you don’t want her to come then say!!

Also it may be exhausting for you and your DH may need some extra support for a while. Only you know how that will affect you and what you need.

Why not give her a ring, and have a chat, be honest about how you're all feeling, too much can be misconstrued on texts, and it's already a sensitive topic.

She may assume it would be helpful if they came or she may be stuck not really knowing what to do and doesn't want to seem rude by asking outright, or she may just not want to lose the money they've spent on tickets, in which case is there somewhere else they can go, or book into a hotel, B&B just for a few days? another relative etc? Have a think about options first before you talk to them.

I think if you have them you are just going to have to use the phrase it is what it is. Everyone is going to be how they are. It might be nice to try and give things a bit of normality but I wouldn't expect a lot of cheer. Give everyone whatever space they want or need.

Dont overthink it. Call her. You sound overwhelmed right now. Float the idea that they will need to be flexible on leaving date.

Navigating the death of a parent doesn't come with a guide book- so I think flexibility is key. You folks may be brilliant and best thing or not.

Why not text your Mum and tell her that she needs to understand it's not going to be like a usual holiday visit. If they still want to come then that's great but you'll understand if she'd prefer to postpone and visit another time.

OP, you know her best. Is she generally thoughtless? Or is she thinking she will come and support you with dd?

If your DH wants them to come, then let them. It might be a good distraction and if he needs to take himself away for time for himself then sure your parents would understand

maybe not straight away I wouldn't, I certainly wouldn't do that in a first message.. I'd send my well wishes and ask about everyone else first, then bring up the holiday later.

If you bring up the holiday first it's like that is all you're thinking about.

Try not to start overthinking things OP, just give everything the benefit of the doubt, it's too easy in emotionally heightened times to take things the wrong way.

Having people visit immediately after my mother’s death would have wrecked me. For the first couple of weeks, I needed to be able to break down as freely as possible and just keeping it together in front of my own child was sometimes a burden. What I needed was a spouse who took over running our life to the greatest extent possible and as much privacy as possible, which is exactly what DH gave me.

This (and a number of people have asked similar).

Will your parents expect 3 meals a day, teas and coffees, laundry service and entertainment / days out?

I'd be led by my DH on this one, but it would also depend on the type of people your parents are, would they be helpful in this situation or would they make things at home worse, does he have a good relationship with them etc? As that is what is important right now for the next few weeks.

Is your DH dealing with all funeral arrangements? As if he is, your parents being there could be helpful as they could entertain your DD, while you support him sorting everything out.

They have to know that it isn't going to be like their usual holiday before they agree to still come though.

I'm sorry you are in this position OP.

Being practical, I'd be tempted to book them into a nice hotel just for 48 hours while the initial shock dies down, and then welcome them into your home. I'd be led by your DH on this. 🌷