Dh’s mum is likely to pass away, Dd having intrusive thoughts, do I tell my parents not to come and stay? (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

@Whyisthisallhappening Is your DD asthmatic? If she is I hope she isn't taking montelukast / Singulair as this can cause mental health problems including depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, sleep disturbances, agression and tremors.

Make it clear that they're to occupy themselves with DD and you'll handle husband and funeral arrangements.

Op, I really think you need to cancel.

The fact that they haven't suggested it themselves really proves that they don't have the emotional tools for this situation.

They could make it so much worse - and that could have longterm impacts on all five of you.

I get the impression from some of op's posts that mum may not be as supportive as some hope.

Understandably, you'd rather not have another variable in the mix. It sounds overwhelming when you want to be strong for your DH.

I'd prewarn my parents they may need to relocate to a hotel.

Your DH is the absolute priority, not their feelings.

If your DH is ok with it, let them come. They can distract your DD or take her out. They’ll be another pair of hands, leaving you free to look after your DH if needed. They’ll also give a tiny bit of normality to your DD.

Perhaps they could break up their stay with 2 or 3 nights in a hotel?

Because she's human and she's struggling with a very difficult situation. People struggle to see to the woods from the trees at times, it's perfectly normal. Snide responses are unnecessary.

Obviously depends on relationship but I'd be very onest with your parents and make it clear that your priority will b e your DH and your DD at this point.

I'd also be inclined to suggest that perhaps they come, but rather than stay with you they find a local hotel or B&B? Or perhaps suggest that they come for a few days then perhaps take themselves off for a few days on a tourist trip somewhere or similar. So they're around (assuming they're broadly supportive people who you and your dh and dd get on with) but not in your face.

Yes, we can all read but it still doesn't warrant you attacking her like you did. If you've been through similar, show some empathy for OP who is clearly very stressed herself right now.

Fair point. @SoreAndTired1 used the phrase "serious mental health problems". None of us know exactly.

I don't think the OP said her daughter had a mental health issue.
She said 'intrusive thoughts' which could mean anything. There's no context to this.

How do you know? Do you know DD? When my DC had MH issues he actually felt helped by seeing the grandparents. It wasn't a cure but it would give the odd boost.

You don't know how similar your situation was.

This is your husband's call.

How does he feel about having your parents to stay?
Will he have to go to his Mum's funeral soon while yours are staying with you?

And, if your daughter is ill, is she contagious?
If your parents are elderly could they catch it?

(I don't know how old your child is or what you mean by 'intrusive thoughts.)

I'm echoing those saying that you just need to have a chat with your parents and say that this is not going to be the holiday you were all looking forward to. That DH might need space and privacy at times (as might DD) and that they might need to plan for doing things on their own for much of the time.

It might be worth mentioning that it might be worth researching hotels in case they or DH find it all too uncomfortable after a few days.

@Zonder @BlueMum16 Read the OP, the daughter is having serious mental health problems at the moment. This visit is the last thing she needs, even putting aside the husband and his mother's passing, as well as funeral arrangements that cause stress even in a tightknit family. Having been through similar to this, I know.

I'd say he was being polite. Also it's not just about him. Their daughter is suffering from serious mental health problems right now. So it's not just about him.

Maybe they would take your DD out and give her some distraction?

Is your MIL local or will DH need to travel?

I'd say he was being polite. Also it's not just about him. Their daughter is suffering from serious mental health problems right now. So it's not just about him.

HER DH HAS SAID THAT HE WANTS THEM TO COME.

Allow them to come. Speak to them in advance and suggest they look after DC and give you some space to care for DH if and when he needs it. Can they take DC out for days out? You don't have to sit and talk. Explain you may need space.

Having your mum there to support you may help.

She's asked him. He said he wanted them to come.

Maybe you're right, but I just don't understand the dithering here when OP doesn't have much time left before they get here. Common sense would tell you to cancel, especially if the DD is having serious mental health issues. Having her parents as guests is the last thing on earth she and DD needs, even if her DH is being polite. He doesn't know how he will be when she passes. The household will be a whirl of grief and funeral plans, eulogy edits and re-edits, liaising with funeral directors, and that is on top of DD's problems. It's common sense that OP would immediately cancel their visit (not suggest things like one week, that won't help if it's during the funeral planning) and read her parents the riot act if they don't understand. She needs to act not just for her husband, but her DD whose mental health is procarious.

I'd book them and pay for a hotel. DH will need some space. I can't imagine him wanting to make small talk with his MIL when he comes home from work.

This.

Will they roll up their sleeves and just get on with things, or sit round complaining that you aren't showing them a good time?

This is what family is for not only for fun but also for support. I am sorry for your loss.