Dh’s mum is likely to pass away, Dd having intrusive thoughts, do I tell my parents not to come and stay? (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

The thing is you haven’t directly told them not to come so they’re trying to read the situation via text. Can you pick up the phone and have an honest conversation with your DM?

You're not reading what we're saying, are you, @Whyisthisallhappening ?
I give up. 🤦 You're failing your husband and daughter.

I mean this kindly but you need to stop being passive and expecting them to read between the lines of what you’re saying.

If you don’t want them to come, you can say ‘I don’t think this is the right time for you to come. If you do still come, xyz will need to happen’.

Death of a family member is reason enough to claim on travel insurance, potentially.

What about your DD who will help her and give her quality time while you comfort DH. Sorry but this will take it out of you and create more stress and trauma.

Why don't you ask your mother to treat your DD while you comfort your husband. How do you think you'll juggle the two of them together because someone will get neglected. How many children do you have?

Yup. If they keep pushing I'd find it really hard to get over this I think.

@SoreAndTired1 's message is great.

See they're saying that they'll be there to help out but given op's posts I have my doubts. They sound like they're cut from the same cloth as my in laws. Talk the talk but unwilling/unable to follow it through. Of course I could be mistaken.

That's a good message. There's no room for manoeuvre. It's OPs time to be selfish now, they can suck it up.

You are allowed to say no

OP, you need to be firm! Tell her it's not about the money, you need time alone as a family unit, and they can't come and that's it.

You are hurting your husband and daughter the more you let this go on.

Just text her:
"mum it's not about the money. Our family unit need to be alone. This is the worst time possible to visit. I am sure you understand. I am sorry you will lose the airfares but that happens sometimes and this is one of them. I ask you to please respect my decision. My husband is grieving, my daughter has a few health issues and is not up for visitors. My husband and daughter need me at this time, they are my priority right now. I am sorry but you cannot come. Please respect this and put my, my husband and daughters needs first."

It depends whether they are coming to support you or in the expectation of having a holiday. If the latter, I would ring and say for obvious reasons you won’t be able to entertain them so they will either have be prepared to look after themselves completely or think about cancelling and rescheduling. In those circumstances if I was your DM I would just write off the lost flights and hope to find some cheap tickets later in the year, maybe out of peak season.

Is it possible though that they might be a helpful distraction for your DD? If they could take her out and give you and your DH space that might be good for everybody.

Edited to say I cross posted with you, it sounds like they mean to help out. If your parents will take care of food and other practicalities and keep your DD busy I’d let them.

That's kind but is it what you want?

She sounds like a bit of a prick.

Who wants house guests when they've just been bereaved?!

Who wants to be a house guest of someone's who's just been bereaved?!

You're going to be supporting your husband through probably one of the hardest few days and weeks he's ever had. You'll also be supporting your daughter (who's already struggling) through (I assume) her first direct experience of death and grief. There's also a lot of practical stuff: death admin/funeral planning etc

If my partner let his parents come to stay in this situation, however much I love them, I would be incredibly angry.

You can't stop your parents flying over, but you can tell them they'll need to stay in a hotel/apartment and you can't guarantee how much time you'll be able to spend with them, if any

I would put DH and DD first (apart from the intrusive thoughts she is about to lose her grandmother).

Living abroad / away from family does have its challenges but for me personally I would not want in laws staying if I were in that position. Or anyone really, the pressure to make small talk and for life going on as usual for them at such a time would be too much (for me).

This! They're not listening to you or respecting your boundaries at all. That would fuck me right off. I'd be more than happy to let them stay in a hotel big they're going to behave like that. Parents can be tough going at times.

They have no intention of not coming then?

Tell them they can use the flights but stay elsewhere. Keep your doors locked!

Ugh. Not making it easy for you.

Ok, you're really not helping your husband and daughter here. You really need to step up. Don't tell them to come for a week. Tell them not to come at all. Tell them it's not about 'worrying', it's about wanting to put your husband and daughter first, and that you hope she will understand and put your feelings and needs above losing money.

You are letting your husband and daughter down. Just say 'you can't come, you have to cancel, I'm sorry but I need to put my husband daughter first'.

It really is that simple, OP. Your husband and daughter deserve better than you not acting and cancelling it. Are you afraid of your mother? If not (or even if) just say outright, you can't come. Just do it.