Dh’s mum is likely to pass away, Dd having intrusive thoughts, do I tell my parents not to come and stay? (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

Everybody is saying “ask your husband” “how does your husband feel” and “what does your husband think” — but I’m wondering about your daughter.
Would it help your daughter if your parents were there? How is their relationship? Their being there and concentrating on your daughter would free up your time so you could concentrate on your husband.
And I know from my own experience that my grandparents were a very calming influence on my life.
I’m so sorry this storm has blown into your life, @Whyisthisallhappening — sending love from California. ❤️

Let them come. They can be a distraction for your DD. The death of a parent is sad, but part of life.

I wonder how old your MIL is? To be honest both my DH and I were sad when our parents died ( all were late 70's or early 80's when they died), but we weren't overwhelmed by terrible grief. We were capable of meeting people and chatting etc, your DH has said it's ok for them to come, so I would follow his lead. Everybody reacts differently to their parent's deaths.

When my partner's mum died I struggled to juggle with my partner's grieve and the DC. It was hard I had to do it on my own that's why I am for your DM coming because it will lessen the pressure on you.

I think they should come.

I don't know but it's worth checking. It's also worth checking with the airline to see if they'll let them move the flights to later in the year, for a fee.

@Whyisthisallhappening could they book and stay somewhere else nearby on the understanding that you guys need to be in control of how much space you need so they have to be sensitive to following your lead? Would that work?

In that case, ring them and tell them how fraught things are. They're probably not getting the nuance of your texts. Tell them over the phone how you'd like them to postpone.

As for the money, their insurance might cover cancellation because of bereavement.

@Whyisthisallhappening Are you concerned about the fallout if you say no? Are your parents always used to getting their own way?

I think that's a wise decision. For OO's sake.

She's in a very difficult situation, juggling all sorts of emotional priorities for all of the people she loves.

I can't understand why you feel the need to claim she's letting her DH and DD down. She isn't. And it's a cruel thing to say to anyone.

OP, I hope your DPs are the flexible sort who will muck in and hide themselves away when needed. I hope they give your DD some stability and comfort. And I hope your DH can spend some loving time with his mum if that's what he wants.

How costly are the flights? Could you offer to pay for new ones for later on in the year if money is the issue?

Oops - if you can get that clear in your own mind it'll be easier to compose and convey the right message.

@SoreAndTired1 Interesting that you are making this about you.
OP, it's not clear what you think is best. If you

Flounce much?! Just because you have decided something doesn't mean OP has to jump to it.

Hiding this thread, OP simply won't take advice, so, it's waste of time. I hope things go ok under the circumstances for the OP.

Are you clear in your own mind whether you want them to come? If I was your DM and you told me to come for a week rather than a fortnight I’d assume I was welcome for the first week, maybe even needed. If you don’t want them to come at all you do need to bite the bullet I’m afraid. And I’d do it by phone, not by text.

Take it easy will you! OP is not a robot, is feeling lost and wants advice. Not to be berated. And asking for advice here doesn't mean you have to take it.

You need to say not to come at all. Even the first week will be when the funeral drama and everything will happen.

You're not getting it. You're failing your husband and daughter. Send my text. You need to say not to come. At all. Reschedule two weeks later in the year.

I think you need to be explicit now, because the clock is ticking. Message back and say something along the lines of 'I'm really sorry, but I thought about it some more, and I don't want you to come now and I need you to postpone your trip. The situation here is just too fraught and even though DH says he's coping I know he's not. I'm sure you can understand.'

If they don't understand and kick off, then that's your cue to tell them that they've just confirmed what a bad idea it would be because they're making it all about them.