Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To worry what our neighbours think?

37 replies

judgeyneighbours · 12/07/2024 08:24

Long story as short as possible, a couple of months ago we moved into a new house in a very quiet and sought after location of the city we live in. Lovely little estate. We have briefly met our neighbours on each side to say hello and introduce ourselves but no in-depth conversations so we are still fairly new faces on the cul de sac.

A few weeks ago, my 18 year old daughter's best friend called my daughter in floods of tears and highly distressed to tell her she'd been assaulted and needed to come to us as a place of safety. My daughter had her phone on loudspeaker as this was playing out and I could hear both my daughter's friend and the perpetrator of the assault shouting and it was very distressing and worrying. I instantly called the police and gave them her location and ours, and told her to get herself over to us as quickly as she could. She did that and we obviously took care of her. The police then arrived to take her statement.

However there were 2 police cars and 4 officers outside our address at this point, they explained that the other car had just been to speak to the perpetrator of the assault and that's why there were so many. For a short time before coming into our house they were all convened outside having a discussion before they came in. So to anyone looking out of their windows at this time (it's a very small estate), it would have looked extremely obvious the police were at our address.

My question is: in my situation as a fairly new neighbour, would you knock on doors and explain the situation and that it wasn't us who were in any trouble? I'm worried that they are judging us essentially.

I'd just like to add, before anyone accuses me of being heartless - I'm focusing on this only because my daughters friend is absolutely fine now and has stayed with us for the past few weeks and we have helped her get through it, so she is OK.

Would you explain the context to neighbours or am I overthinking this?

OP posts:
orangesandlemonss · 12/07/2024 08:50

PlipPlapPlop · 12/07/2024 08:29

I’d be a bit nosey and wonder what they were doing there, but I wouldn’t think anything untoward was going on (unless you were frogmarched out, handcuffs on) 👀

This !

kindlyensure · 12/07/2024 08:46

We had something similarly dramatic happen shortly after we moved to our new neighbourhood. It was a one-off and I did not explain to anyone. But as I got to know our neighbours more, one of them mentioned it - "oh you're the house that"...kind of thing. I knew then that everybody had been talking, so I was able to tell her ...yes, what actually happened was....knowing she would then tell everyone else (and stop the rumours!).

I mean sure, it was none of her business, but I understand curiosity and actually people are pretty nice around here, so I was comfortable sharing.

My point is, no need to actively explain, but be prepared to answer a question should it arise, with the expectation that it will get fed back to the neighbourhood!

judgeyneighbours · 12/07/2024 08:43

Marblessolveeverything · 12/07/2024 08:31

Honestly, I would simply be hoping it hadn't been tragic news.

Do you know, I hadn't even thought of this possibility.

OP posts:
judgeyneighbours · 12/07/2024 08:32

Thanks @MissUltraViolet. She's an exceptionally strong and bright young lady, I've known her since she was 5 years old as her and my daughter have been best friends since primary school, so I am highly protective of her in the same way I am my daughter. I'm just pleased we were able to give her a safe space to come to when she needed it.

OP posts:
Chefnan · 12/07/2024 08:31

I wouldn’t worry to much, my DH witnessed a traffic accident last week, police car with 2 men in parked outside for 5 minutes before another pulled up, they all got out and chatted ,then another pulled up talked for couple of minutes then pulled off, then a few minutes later the others left and the original 2 came and took the statement. It looked very exciting from my bedroom window, but was actually very mundane

Marblessolveeverything · 12/07/2024 08:31

Honestly, I would simply be hoping it hadn't been tragic news.

MissUltraViolet · 12/07/2024 08:29

You are 100% overthinking. It's none of their business and who bloody cares what they think.

Well done for looking after her friend so well!

PlipPlapPlop · 12/07/2024 08:29

I’d be a bit nosey and wonder what they were doing there, but I wouldn’t think anything untoward was going on (unless you were frogmarched out, handcuffs on) 👀

judgeyneighbours · 12/07/2024 08:29

Thank you! You've confirmed what I suspected was the case but I do tend to anxiously overthink what others think of me!

OP posts:
Beezknees · 12/07/2024 08:27

You're over thinking. I wouldn't care at all.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 12/07/2024 08:27

Massively overthinking it. Protect the friends privacy fgs. It’s no-one’s business. If anyone has the nerve to ask you only need to say a family member saw a violent act and the police were making enquiries.

Haggisfish3 · 12/07/2024 08:26

Definitely overthinking it! I would be curious as a neighbour, but I certainly wouldn’t think badly of you nor would I expect an explanation!

Swipe left for the next trending thread