I know- my logical sensible 44 year old head says yes, of course you need to test, and stop this nonsense wondering.
But my sensible head is sooooo buried under panic, fear, excitement and scared of…hope, to be heard.
No one IRL so asking for either tough love or handhold here.
i feel…pregnant. Always had fertility issues, tried for 1 Year + many times and all failed when finally pregnant. I’m now 44 and on the pill, mainly because it helps my adult acne. But I also have a friend / occasional romantic partner (very occasional as he lives hours away, very separate lives but good friends) and we did have sex once a month the last 2 months when he was here for work. I’m on the pill but weird dodgy yummy made me piley
hsve 2 pills simply pass through me in an unpleasant way the month before last. Simply can’t quite get dates right to work out if it coincided with him here or not, but I think not.
i had a pill free “period” 2 weeks ago that was very short but as I hit perimenopause most of mine are now very short so no big deal.
But this week I keep having to get up to pee which I never do, my boobs hurt to hell, and driving to work today I was hit with a wave of nausea that amounted to nothing but I suddenly thought….hang on,
these Are all pregnancy symptoms right?
in my life I’ve likely bought 200+ tests. Each test triggers me back to losses and sad times so I find them extremely traumatic to do. As in I have to psych myself up for days, sit physically shaking for the 3 min timer and crawl under a duvet at the negative result as even tho I expect it that sneaky glimmer of hope burns bright until the fat lady sings.
this month has been a kicker for me with a poorly elderly mum, possibly redundancy at work and some financial hits, I’d be terrified if I was pregnant as I feel too old, too alone, too unprepared etc, my mental health isn’t good right now.
But,,,,but..,,the thought of the possibility is already glowing away and I’m so so scared to test as either result will need me to be strong and I’m not right now☹️
I’d be mad to just wait to see if I get my period in a week or so time when I usve my next pill free break, yes? and equally mad to have any hope at my age while on the pill and such infrequent sex and low fertility etc,
thanks for reading this far, my brain is a 2am bowl of jelly,