To not take the test as it will just break me

I wouldn’t be able to not take the test. Stranger things have happened 🤷🏼‍♀️

It is always better to face reality. If you are not pregnant you really won’t be broken because there is so much more to life than being a mum. And you have enough experience to know that.

if you are pregnant the reality of that will be so much better than the fantasy of being pregnant which you are currently holding on to. And we will celebrate with you as it is what you want.

Have courage. Take the test.

❤

Fingers crossed for you OP

I would stop taking the pill, wait a week and see what happens. The chances are you aren’t pregnant. If taking a test to confirm it is too triggering, then don’t. Wait. See what happens for a few weeks. Even if you are, there isn’t much you can do at this stage.
Most of pregnancy is just a waiting game.

I think the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to tell yourself you are not pregnant. You are very unlikely to be pregnant and to sustain a pregnancy.
A 44 year old with a fertile history would be against the odds getting pregnant. A 44 year old on the pill and having infrequent sex would be extremely against the odds. And a 44 year old, on the pill and infrequent sex and with a history of infertility and miscarriages is vanishingly unlikely to be pregnant and then sustain a pregnancy.

I’m sorry OP. I don’t mean to be harsh but I don’t think this is helping you.

I have been in a similar situation in that I’d tried to conceive for years (secondary infertility) and was unable. Then, during perimenopause a year ago or so ago, I felt pregnant and my period was late and I was so sure… it wasn’t actually a pregnancy. I was very sad all over again.

I would go and take the test asap to stop yourself from fantasising just in case it isn’t a pregnancy, OP.

This^. I'm 45 and this started at 42 for me. I was rapt confused as my DH had a vasectomy and I was 100% convinced I was pregnant and dreading trying to explain it to him and my 4 kids. Hrt has been a life saver for me.

I hope you get the result you want op.

I want to know now! Do the test!

I had all of these symptoms just before I started the menopause proper and did lots of pregnancy tests in a panic because I didn't want a baby at 45. I wasn't pregnant, I started on the hot flushes a couple of months later.

I would definitely come off the pill for now, and like some pp’s have said, take some folic acid.

I had my daughter later in life and as much as it was a shock it was the best thing that ever happened to me (I was 38 pregnant, 39 having her).
I truly hope you get the result you want and need x

i hope you get the result you want. I came on to say what @AppleKatie said, maybe take some folic acid in case?

Hi OP, Are you able to go to your GP and speak to them, they can do the test with you? I think it would be good idea for you to get some support. Also they may be able to refer you for some therapy to talk through the trauma you’ve faced, as it feels like you’ve faced a lot of trauma on this.

Are you taking any vitamins at all?

wait, but maybe take some folic acid whilst you’re waiting.

Maybe stop taking the pill, then you can either test and get it out your head or not test and just see what happens. I’m not sure which is worse though. I’m more a rip the bandage off so would test as the limbo would drive me crazy.

Either way I hope you get the response you want. Either way it’s ok to be confused, upset and angry. If you are pregnant and not jumping up and down like you expect this is also completely normal while the news sinks in.

Be gentle with yourself x

I think in your situation I would take the test now. Of course it’s not unreasonable to wait but if you wait and continue to convince yourself you are pregnant, will you be more disappointed if the test comes back negative? I think it’s best to know.

I hope you get the result you want!

Do the test OP. I really get that this is hard but if you don’t get the result you want it’ll draw a line under your hope and if you do, you can embrace it and start being happy.

I had a v v difficult journey to my DS but finally had a successful pregnancy at 45. You’ll get people on here saying how everyone should be a mother by 35 but that’s not how life works out for all of us.

Good luck - I totally get your reluctance to do the test and live in hope but the longer this goes on the harder it’ll be. You also need to start taking vitamins and sorting out appointments etc if you’re pregnant.

Here to hand hold if you need it. Do it!

Oh OP big hugs.

Best thing to do is test and you’ll get an answer either way.

Handhold from me too OP.

Of course you were allowed to be unreasonable at 2am. That's what being awake at 2am is for.

The most likely thing is that your hormones are all over the place due to perimenopause which can generate all sorts of symptoms which are poorly understood (because patriarchy).

Once you've had some sleep and are reading this in daylight hours you have the strength to get yourself sorted. Get a test, you need to know. If it's negative, get yourself a copy of "perimenopause power" by Maisie Hill. Obviously if it's positive that's a whole different ballgame. Whatever happens you have the resilience and capability to deal with what life throws at you and be happy and fulfilled.

Bless you. Handhold here, too. I also think you should stop taking the pill just in case. 💐

I’d just wait and see. There’s no need to test.

Just hear to hold your hand OP. I hope you get the result you want. Will be here to listen and handhold whatever happens xxxx

Handhold, bless you. I do really empathise.

So how many weeks would you be now? Going from the last time you had sex?
As others have said the ‘period’ you get on the pill isn’t a period so there’s no point timing anything around that.

I think I’d wait for about 3-4 weeks from when you last had sex and then test.
But I don’t know what to tell you about your feelings in the meantime. Just try not to get your hopes up too much I suppose.

Although having said that if you have symptoms then I suppose it would show up in a test now? Maybe just do one. But I do know the feeling of not wanting to know because then you can still hope.

Good luck love. Come back and let us know.

Well, it’s hard to say. I used to get nausea/vom around period time, and always had sore boobs then too so for me that all wouldn’t sound like pregnancy symptoms.
The sore boobs of pregnancy are not so much sore boobs but really really sensitive nipples so much it’s like broken glass if anything brushes them. And the sickness early days is anytime and all time for me too.
as a pp said. If you’re going to have these thoughts all the time you are better knocking it on the head and knowing for sure rather than building yourself up for a bigger disappointment down the line. Get the result over with. All the fear of testing etc isn’t about the test it’s about the result and you know it’s unlikely but better to stop speculating and you can move on. If you test positive then get referred to EPAU for early scan and support for this pssible pg or go and drink a glass of wine and put it behind you. Best of luck to you.

I was on the pill when I got pregnant. I had my first 3 "periods" and didn't know she was there until I was already 12 weeks gone. Please don't rely on your pill free shed to dictate if you've had your 'period' or not. They're not hormonal bleeds like a BC free period would be.
Hand hold to do a test, you know deep down you need to do one either way but I know how terrifying that will feel right now. You can do this.