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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that going on an evening date always=sex

37 replies

Sundaycoffee · 11/07/2024 23:00

Having a conversation with friends and told them I'm going on a first date for drinks. I was really excited. My first date in years! Told them he asked me for a drink.
They said they wouldn't want to do evening drinks for a first date as they would worry the man was only after one thing and wouldn't want to give that impression out to the man either by accepting a drinks date. They would only go for a coffee and a walk for the first date, so they know his intentions aren't sex.
AIBU to think they ABU and can't they just be positive and say "have a great time!"?
Since when is going for a drink with a man giving the impression you want to sleep with them?

OP posts:
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LisaVanderpump1 · 12/07/2024 15:58

I've never been for anything but evening drinks for a first date. I need a bit of plonk to calm the nerves. 💁

Puffinfoot · 12/07/2024 15:51

Why is a man (or anyone) wanting sex bad?

Obviously you get to say yes or no, but him wanting it doesn't make him a bad person, isn't that the ultimate aim of dating?

Boltonb · 12/07/2024 15:48

Sundaycoffee · 11/07/2024 23:12

Yeah she basically said I would assume any man asking me for drinks for the first date is hoping I'll have too many and end up going back to his and she would only do a day date for the first date "but that's just me"

She must have dated some real charmers.

Evening drinks makes perfect sense. Why waste your weekend days on lots of potentially bad first dates?

GalileoHumpkins · 12/07/2024 15:48

She's talking nonsense, most dates happen in the evening and don't include sex. Has she never been on a date?

CheeseWisely · 12/07/2024 15:45

First date couple of dates with DH were in the evening and involved alcohol. He even walked me home and didn't come in nor suggest it. It was the afternoon date that started with a walk and hot chocolate that ended in sex Grin

Growsomeballswoman · 12/07/2024 15:42

I miss the cider park fumbling days. I was classy though white lightening and mad dog 20/20 for me.

5128gap · 12/07/2024 15:37

Not sure why people are being so critical of your friends. If their experience has been that men who want to meet in the evenings are more likely to expect sex, that's hardly their fault, is it? Because its fair to say most people would be more likely to tag sex on to an evening than they would to a coffee in the park, so I dare say 'evening' men are more likely to suggest it than 'day' men. All your friends are doing is sharing what they've learned from their experience in the field. It doesn't mean you're wrong to go on the date or that the man should assume you're up for sex, or indeed that you shouldn't be. It's just a warning he might assume this, because a lot do.

wellington77 · 12/07/2024 15:26

Sorry but your friends are being silly. Most people have to meet in the evening if it’s a weekday due to work. Secondly - you just say , you’ve got to head off or in the very unlikely situation they ask outright- just say no …

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 12/07/2024 14:48

I don't think I've ever had a first date in the daytime. A drink in the evening is a very normal first date.

NewDay00 · 12/07/2024 14:40

I think this says more about your friends tbh. It doesn't mean sex at all. It's nice to go and have a few drinks with someone and get to know them.

AGoingConcern · 12/07/2024 01:00

Unless the drinks are at his place, your friend is way off base.

Honestly my instinct after your updates is that she doesn't feel confident about making choices she'll feel good about in the morning or standing up for what she does or doesn't want, and something like coffee mid-day feels like it makes doing that easier. There's nothing wrong with that (and I don't get the objection some PP have to coffee as a first date), but that doesn't mean it applies to you.

Hope your date is fun.

Opinionwontchangeluv · 12/07/2024 00:28

I've gone out with a guy recently at 11pm to go get food and drinks never ended up having sex although he slightly tried it

MistyGreenAndBlue · 12/07/2024 00:08

Ha! Men are ALWAYS after sex. It makes no difference what time your date is. A sexual relationship is what he (and probably she) is looking for ultimately. But if he's only after a quickie then he'll try it on at a lunch date just as easily as he would on an evening date.
Likewise, if it's a longer term relationship he's looking for, an evening date won't suddenly make him turn into a ravening wolf.
Frankly though, whatever time you meet, if he fancies you, he'll always be hoping. 😂

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 12/07/2024 00:07

MyGladEagle · 11/07/2024 23:56

First date needs to be an outing to a museum with a chaperone. Act appropriately please.

And if you're lucky you then get to walk around a park with a coffee after

Lwrenn · 12/07/2024 00:04

TinDogTavern · 11/07/2024 23:21

God almighty. You're not going for some cider in the park with the local 'lad' who is hoping you'll be pissed on Strongbow so he can feel your tits.

Your friend is being silly.

Unless you ARE going for some Strongbow in the park, in which case she's got a point.

Is it wrong I miss the olden days of a cider fulled Park fumble 😂

Tinylittleunicorn · 11/07/2024 23:59

Only slatternly whores meet their date after 4pm, sorry OP x

MyGladEagle · 11/07/2024 23:56

First date needs to be an outing to a museum with a chaperone. Act appropriately please.

Simonjt · 11/07/2024 23:39

Why would it mean that, people typically go for drinks as they’re at work in the day, my first date with my husband was drinks in a bar, we had sex nearly five months later.

CyanideShake · 11/07/2024 23:38

coffee and a walk as a first date?

Ugh. I could never.

Glass of wine and if I'm not having fun off I pop.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 11/07/2024 23:35

TwinCheeks · 11/07/2024 23:29

See my post above. Evenings have more connotations for romance than daytimes if you ask me. A coffee first date at 3pm or whenever is just lame and is a terrible first date. Evenings are better as they set the scene for romance but thats not the same as sex, which is where your friend is getting confused.

Totally agree. A sober coffee at 3pm would feel more like a business meeting/ interview to me. You don't get the opportunity to get a bit closer to each other if youre sitting opposite each other sipping a coffee. At least in a bar it sets the scene to get a bit closer if you want to, more of an opportunity to touch them (on the arm or similar). Things like that.

OP posts:
SwanRivers · 11/07/2024 23:34

Sundaycoffee · 11/07/2024 23:12

Yeah she basically said I would assume any man asking me for drinks for the first date is hoping I'll have too many and end up going back to his and she would only do a day date for the first date "but that's just me"

Sounds more like she can't trust herself around alcohol and it might impair her judgement.

Otherwise she'd just go home alone after the date.

TwinCheeks · 11/07/2024 23:29

See my post above. Evenings have more connotations for romance than daytimes if you ask me. A coffee first date at 3pm or whenever is just lame and is a terrible first date. Evenings are better as they set the scene for romance but thats not the same as sex, which is where your friend is getting confused.

MissTrip82 · 11/07/2024 23:27

Sundaycoffee · 11/07/2024 23:12

Yeah she basically said I would assume any man asking me for drinks for the first date is hoping I'll have too many and end up going back to his and she would only do a day date for the first date "but that's just me"

Wow. So she’s assuming the men she’s dating will use alcohol to get consent she wouldn’t otherwise have given?

If you’re dating a rapist meeting then for coffee doesn’t change who they are.

This way of thinking comes from
misogynsitic beliefs that women don’t like sec and it’s all men do like, so women are the gatekeepers and have to make sure it’s not ‘too easy’ to sleep with them. It’s absolutely toxic.

Enjoy your date. Have sex with him when and if you want to.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 11/07/2024 23:21

And yes I want to go. I was and am looking forward to it. I was just a bit baffled on why they were putting a negative spin on it and wondering if there was truth behind it.

OP posts:
TinDogTavern · 11/07/2024 23:21

God almighty. You're not going for some cider in the park with the local 'lad' who is hoping you'll be pissed on Strongbow so he can feel your tits.

Your friend is being silly.

Unless you ARE going for some Strongbow in the park, in which case she's got a point.