CAFCASS report. I’m broken.

Solidarity OP, I've been there. I've not got much to add to the good advice you've received so far. Just to say that now, 6 years after my dealings with CAFCASS, inc 2 day fact finding hearing, life is calm.

At times I felt I was absolutely sinking under it all, all the paperwork, the legal bills (I had some savings so didn't get legal aid till it was all gone) and then being a full time working single parent. The fake empathy of the CAFCASS officer and then the backstabbing misrepresentation in the report was very hard to accept.

In my case the court did come down on my "side" in the end and made several findings of domestic abuse. That didn't actually change much around contact arrangements. As pp have said the threshold for stopping contact is huge. I know I'm very fortunate to have got that validation of my experiences. So many don't get that.

Things will work themselves out in the end. It won't always be like this. Stay strong. Get support wherever you can.

@ineedasleep

Also, I know you’ve already mentioned documenting everything you can. But ensure you:

-take pictures of your child’s body BEFORE they leave
-on return capture every image of any bruising/injury to your child asap when they return (and continue taking pictures as such marks develop)
-prior to asking your child what happened, start a video recording on your phone and then ask (you don’t have to make the recording obvious to your child).
-ANY historic abuse/assault can be reported to the police- if he has assaulted your child before, as mentioned, you need to be reporting this as a criminal matter.

A lot of services perform poorly in protecting children, however they do best once they all start working together (multi-agency safeguarding meetings). You need to be knocking on the door of every agency- including the police. The police have certain powers and a massive duty to safeguard- even if no conviction is possible.

Even if it means he has bail conditions stopping him from seeing the children for 3 months - it gives you the chance to breathe.

My experience of cafcass was quite similar. Took the notes, said they believed it, then wrote a wholly inaccurate report leaving out all details and siding with the other party entirely. They aren't fit for purpose

@ineedasleep
I can completely understand your apprehension towards proceeding with a complaint. I myself had to be cross-examined as a victim of rape and it was incredibly difficult.

Nevertheless, you say he has evidence of apologising to you, which would be very difficult for him to explain away in court.

If you want to get CAFCASS to put limitations on his custody rights then continuing with the police complaint is your best option. If convicted he would be placed on the sex offenders register and subject to MARAC. In terms of child protection, unsupervised contact would not be considered suitable for someone placed under these conditions with such history.

I know this is such an unfair process for you to have to go through, and I really hope you have support in your life right now to help get you through this difficult time. Just please bare the option above in mind should you need an extra safety net.

OP I'm so sorry this happened to you. I relate to you in the sense that I avoided pressing charges for fear of repercussions. I my case that meant that he got off in the end with community service. But either way once I pressed charges, I was put in touch with a legal group that helps women, Refuge and other resources. I had help. I had people explaining the coercion etc.

I was primed for this awful abuse because of my earlier life. I didn't realise this. It took quite a bit of time to heal. Not too long ago I tried EMDR and now I'm able to deal with issues that happened without feeling full of dread and panic. I can't guarantee that would be the case for everyone. But take care of yourself, get support if you can.

And consider this - after I met my ex (through a good friend) and had fallen head over heels I found out he was dealing with a divorce. His ex was made out to be a villain. At some point AFTER I was married to him I learned that his previous wife had filed charges for rape. Her evidence wasn't strong enough for a conviction. Things got more and more manipulative and crazy. Nobody realised what hell my life had become. One day I was trying to escape with my 1.5 year old and the **er, the middle of the pavement, pushed me from the pram and reached between my legs and grabbed me. That reaction of losing control and responding with sexual violence made it clear at least some of the ex's history was probably true. And if she had been successful in getting him convicted I wouldn't be standing there. Things got far worse within 48 hours of that incident. The police said I could've died. The police wouldn't prosecute for coercive control or for the sexual assault. I tell you this because if you're fearful, consider that may be doing society a greater good by bringing the facts and evidence to light.

I wish for you strength and peace. You deserve it.

CAFCASS are awful, they ignored the fact that exh raped me & had tried to burn down the house with me & ds in it when I was trying to leave him & said there was no risk to him having access to ds. I was tricked into having to sit in a room with him sat on a chair less than 6 inches away from him at court to speak to them.

Please make a complaint about the report. Cafcass social workers are given a huge amount of weight in court and their reports are filed with no scrutiny or quality control from anyone. As local authority social workers our evidence is quality assured by a manager and a solicitor before filing and our recommendations are agreed by senior managers but cafcass just have one person looking at a case and making their own recommendations with no supervision, checks and balances. You need this report to be read by a manager in light of your evidence of abuse.
recently a friend of mine asked my advice about a poor social work report that had been completed and filed to the family court (not cafcass) and asked what I should do about it. I supported her to make a complaint and the report was amended and the new version filed. I think this outcome was easier to achieve with it being a LA social worker as there is more accountability there but that's what you need to happen. It needs to be read by more people and the glaring issues to be spotted. Make sure you cite the joint research by cafcass and women's aid and the guidance they wrote for these exact situations.

I’m sorry for what has happened to you. I agree with a lot of the suggestions already made, the IDVA service is amazing and they will advocate on your behalf. I would also suggest speaking to the cafcass workers manager to discuss your concerns, maybe request a meeting in person.
CAFCASS has a domestic abuse pathway, which doesn’t seem to have been followed in your child’s case, I’ve attached a link to the guidance, may be worth reading to highlight areas of non compliance with their own policy…

www.cafcass.gov.uk/sites/default/files/2023-10/Domestic%20Abuse%20Practice%20Pathway.pdf

@ineedasleep

You are at the beginning of a transformation and just these messages alone are proof of what is possible.

I have a few friends who experienced varying degrees of interaction with social services but a common factor determining most final judgments came from the very first step:
YOUR RESPONSE.

Your conduct and how you deliver your next communication will be both a first impression and a precedence of what your parenting is measured against.

Whomever and however you respond: AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE ENSURE IT IS IN WRITING AND WRITE IT LIKE AN EXAM ESSAY.

Emotional appeals are best expressed through a mental health practitioner's professional opinion.

Any emotion you have can be twisted and used against you.

This will also inevitably rile up and infuriate this poor excuse for an adult, providing a shovel for which he can dig a latrine for himself. (To call him a P.O.S. is too good for him.)

A lady named Kelly Cottam is an activist for many things including forced adoption. Although I am not advocating anything political, her advice on families courts and services is sound.

The first step she recommends is to gather all current correspondence and to physically highlight key points. These are correspondences from both the CAFCASS and community services (such as police, GPs and solicitors) and any that you respond with. When you respond, a first then second and third draft to ensure the only emotional response is that for the sake of your child. Keeping your own experiences limited to "the incident I refer to" or "the behaviour the respondent demonstrated" must stay a point along a timeline. And (by no means do I say this minimising what you have endured and have gracefully recovered from) responding with your received abuse as being factual to the point it reads as a witness statement condensed to "the facts, only".

It is archaic how the representation for victims is made as unsympathetic as a tumor when asking for justice. I assume it attempts to be as unbiased as possible, toning down any possible emotional (unintentional) blackmail or (self-inflicted) personal distortion.

I hope you are fairly and completely represented and advocated for.

There is the organisation Step Change who I cannot speak more highly of. It doesn't cost anything but they have legal connections to point you towards and (I think) can refer you to.

How supportive are your family and friends? Have you got time for yourself even if it's only 5 ?minutes to just cry and let it out?

Rooting for you.

May this moment be tribute to your strength and the opportunity for the beginning of better things.

I'm so sorry OP, you've been through such trauma and abuse and then to have it dismissed like that. Horribly cruel. Please try to take care of yourself.
I believe you@ineedasleep 💗

The names they come under may be dependant on the area that your from, if your legal aide solicitor or the police officer dealing with the rape are any good they should have really pointed you in the right direction, I used RASA (rape and sexual assault agency) SWACA (Sefton women’s and children’s agency) then an IDVA is an independant domestic violence advocate. They will likely hold a MARAC which is a multi agency risk assessment conference to decide how the best way to support you is. This conference is attended by all the relevant agencies where they can all have their input and decide next steps.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know you probably don’t have the time or the energy but try and access some mental health support if at all possible to help you process what you’ve been experiencing and also exercise as and when you can, even just 40 mins 3-4 times a week can do wonders to your mood and outlook. Fresh air and sun and healthy foods can also work wonders. On the weeks I have time to make the gym I’m like a new woman which has a knock on effect to my children, my home and my work. Take care x

When Cafcass did the same to my relative she filed a complaint to them and then when they got back with a load of excuses they took it to the MP and ombudsman! It was a lot of work for my family but it eventually worked out (in family court). 'In Your Defence' by Sarah Langford a barrister she writes how social workers do this. Really worth a read

That's hideous OP I'm so sorry 😔 it takes such courage to disclose this information (I still haven't mustered up the strength to tell anyone in real life), to have it dismissed like that is unforgivable. I know there are good social workers out there, but I know quite a few personally and professionally and honestly they are often the last people who should be in such a job. It's a career that attracts a disproportionate amount of damaged souls who may be well meaning, but who often do not have the insight and emotional intelligence required to do the job well.

I've realised that so many people in general - men and women - don't really understand abuse and the subtleties involved. I'm glad for such women when they don't as it means they've most likely never experienced it, but it is wildly frustrating when their ignorance has consequences.

In any event, there's nothing subtle about rape so there really is no justification for what she wrote in her report.

Well done for leaving such a horror of a man, things will get better in time I promise 💐

What I am going to say is going to sound really rude but please bear in mind that I am venting because of my own recent experience (today) with socially workers.

I find many sw’s to be stupid, lazy and arrogant. They act as if they know it all but can’t see the wood for the trees. They seem to take pleasure in dehumanising people reducing them to case numbers rather than flesh and blood people. They do not do what they promise and they cover their inefficiency by blaming their clients. They opt for the easiest way out possible.

Am I surprised that they have treated you like crap? No. So sorry you are gong through this op. I wish I could help you.

Apologies to the sw’s on MN. I am sure you are good at your job.

I had a strikingly similar experience only relatively recently.
In order for them to take anything you’ve said seriously and into account when giving their opinion on how child access should look going forward you either need to:
press charges and have him convicted (good luck on this - even with evidence the police were less than helpful in my case)
work with the relative agencies for an extended period of time, it becomes more of an inconvenience after a while if you’re already snowed under with being a single parent/work/life etc but to have a fortnightly or monthly catch up with these agencies (one for womens and childrens abuse, another for the sexual abuse and hopefully off the back of those you will be allocated an IDVA) once you have an IDVA that’s when you’ll be taken seriously. That’s when cafcass/the council if you’re facing homelessness/the court/anyone else you need on side stand up and listen. It’s very wrong as it means that you’ll be revisiting some of the most traumatic experiences of your life on a fortnightly basis until it’s all dealt with but in order to protect your child from this monster this is the best advice I can give you.
The regular appointments I had just felt like I was ranting to a friend, they don’t really give advice as such aside from safety advice ie they help you plan an escape incase your ex partner was to break into your home for instance but it’s more like a sounding off, letting them know how the children are, if your children need any support, how courts going etc. My situation has dragged on that long I think it’s best I did rant to them instead of my friends because frankly I bored myself with my moaning and ranting my friends would’ve been glad of the break.
Stay strong and power through, contact your Cafcass officer and ask them for a further chat and nicely ask why the report was so conflicting, express you feel unheard and tell her you’re looking into further support with the above agencies and that you only haven’t so far because of the evidence you have you knew you could press charges at a later date when you had less on your plate but you can now see how this has affected your ongoing child access proceedings and need their support.
Good luck x

Hi. I’m a family barrister. Very sorry to hear about your experiences.
Has there been a Fact-Finding Hearing? Alternatively, has CAFCASS made a recommendation as to whether or not there should be a Fact-Finding Hearing? If they do not recommend it, have they explained why?

The bottom line is that it is not for CAFCASS to determine whether an allegation is true or false, e.g. whether your ex abused you or not. Only the Court is entitled to make that determination, having heard evidence from both of you at a Fact-Finding Hearing, which is effectively a mini trial. CAFCASS should then work off that factual matrix to make their recommendations to the Court.

Obviously I am not aware of the details of your circumstances so can’t offer real advice, just a general view: your starting point needs to be asking yourself ‘What do I want the Court to do?’ If you simply want the Court to recognise what happened to you, to hold your ex responsible and to be critical of him, but ultimately you have no issue with him having contact with your children and believe that it is safe for him to do so, then you will not be satisfied by this process. This is not what Family Court is about. Domestic abuse is only relevant as far as it relates to its impact on the children and any risk that is posed to them, now or in the future.

If, however, you feel that his treatment of you during the relationship means that it would not be safe for him to have contact with the children, or that his contact should be limited because it’s not in the children’s best interests, then these allegations are relevant. A Fact-Finding Hearing would likely then be needed.

I wonder if the CAFCASS officer has concluded that your allegations are of limited relevance - even if they were found to be true by the Court - because the dispute between you is a simple one, for example whether they are with him 2 nights a week or 3. They may say in those circumstances that a Fact-Finding Hearing is not proportionate.

Have you had any legal advice? Rights of Women is a helpful organisation. I can offer more info if you let me know more.

OP

Can you go ahead with the criminal investigation

Say you are ready to press charges

What
A
Scumbag

Don’t forget CAFCASS have the pro contact agenda bias, they minimise and dismiss and apportion equal blame to a staggering degree. the police should see it differently.

Sweetheart. I’m so sorry you’ve been put through this. It’s fucking disgusting and traumatising and you are not alone in this experience.
I don’t know what to suggest on a practical level, I know a really good direct access barrister I can recommend who may be able to help advice you or even in court. We had two s7 reports and the judges ignored them in both cases so it’s not the be all and end all. As for the gaslighting side of things, have you come across the ministry of justice 2020 harm report? it’s harrowing reading, but also will definitely stop you feeling like you’re going mad, it really helped put everything in perspective for me when I read it. This is the system, this has been done to victims of abuse over and over again in the family court system, it’s not just you and it may have been a worst outcome if you weren’t honest so you’ve done the best you can do in a fucked up situation. it’s such a dark place I know. Life won’t always be like this I promise, but it’s so brutal to be put through this