To not want my child to go to a friend's house when I haven't met the parents.

I think what's puzzling me is that many, many woman do not feel comfortable leaving the house alone, even answering the door, doing lone exercise outside, using public transport etc.
Yet there are many parents in this thread who are quite happy for the young teenagers (and not even teenagers) to be dropping into the homes of people for whom they don't even have a contact number for, or just letting their kids roam about and 'coming home when they're hungry'.
Yes, I understand that just having a mobile number doesn't remove risk, but that isn't an argument for not getting those details in the first place.

How do you know James's parents are ok with this? They might not want his friends traipsing in and out of their home without warning.

And what if James happens not to be in and he goes to another friends house forgetting to text you. How would you know where to find him if he failed to return home?
He could be meeting older teens and getting in with a bad crowd. Kids that age are very suseptible to peer pressure.
Or he and James might go somewhere and forget to take/charge their phones, what if James' parents have no idea where they went because James is allowed even more freedom?

How do you know James's parents are ok with this? They might not want his friends traipsing in and out of their home without warning.

And what if James happens not to be in and he goes to another friends house forgetting to text you. How would you know where to find him if he failed to return home?
He could be meeting older teens and getting in with a bad crowd. Kids that age are very suseptible to peer pressure.
Or he and James might go somewhere and forget to take/charge their phones, what if James' parents have no idea where they went because James is allowed even more freedom?

How do you know James's parents are ok with this? They might not want his friends traipsing in and out of their home without warning.

And what if James happens not to be in and he goes to another friends house forgetting to text you. How would you know where to find him if he failed to return home?
He could be meeting older teens and getting in with a bad crowd. Kids that age are very suseptible to peer pressure.
Or he and James might go somewhere and forget to take/charge their phones, what if James' parents have no idea where they went because James is allowed even more freedom?

Exactly - it's not that you are "cool" with not knowing where your child is. It's just that you don't need to meet the parents and check them out first. So when my child says "I'm going to Jamie's", I know exactly where Jamie lives, and know exactly when DS has said he'll be home, but I don't refuse to let him go because I haven't met Jamie's mum and dad.

Even my oldest who is 17 I tell her I need to at least have a chat with the kids parents before I let her go there.

how can she be independent if she can't do something as commonplace as going to a friend's house without permission. And how insulting to the 'kid' who has invited her, who might be 18, to treat her like a small child who has to ask mummy before she can have a friend to tea.

It’s tough seeing your baby grow up but you’re going to be a huge source of embarrassment to him if you continue like this.

Y7 - finding new friends, happy to socialise - he sounds really well adjusted and you’ve done a good job. Now it’s time to Step back a bit or he will start to resent you.

My son is 11 and is about to finish Y6 and start Y7 in September. The past month or so he seems to have grown up in lots of ways in a short space of time. He's come home saying he has a gf, a new girl at school, and spends a lot of time on the phone with her (he's only had a phone since he started cycling to school independently a year ago and never bothered with it. We had to remind him to charge it). Today he said he was going to cycle down to the nearby park to meet said gf and some other friends we know. He's never gone out independently to meet friends before, he's quite shy and timid but I was really happy he wanted to do this and let him go. About 20 minutes later he comes back home with this new gf in tow.
I said it was lovely to meet her but did her mum definitely know she was here and was it OK with her? I said I can't have children in my house with the parents not knowing, she said her mum does know as she texted her. I said sorry but I will need to check can I have your mums number, she willingly gave it to me and they went upstairs and I texted the mum. I don't know her name, whereabouts she lives or anything about her. I said "Hiya, it's XX, DS's mum. Just checking you are aware YY is at our house and that is OK with you? It's fine with us if it is with you, lovely to meet her" 20 mins later she texted back "yeh that's fine but back by 6 plz".
Is it just me that thinks it's a bit odd to let your kid go to other peoples houses without checking with the parents first and not knowing a damn thing about said parents? I could be a raging drug addict, passed out on my sofa with a needle in my arm with a couple of rabid dogs running around for all this woman knows.
I don't know if DS is expecting to go round to GF's house on the whim of an invite but I am not at all comfortable with it until I've met her parents.
Am I too uptight and is this just a normal part of growing up? It gives me the heebie jeebies.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 hilarious. My children are very independent thank you 😏 I just feel it's good manners to speak to the people who's house it is to make sure they are ok with my child being there and also to make sure they are not raging alcoholics or doped up on cocaine you know 🙄

Even my oldest who is 17 I tell her I need to at least have a chat with the kids parents before I let her go there.

17???? Jeezo. 🚁

My son is 11 and is about to finish Y6 and start Y7 in September. The past month or so he seems to have grown up in lots of ways in a short space of time. He's come home saying he has a gf, a new girl at school, and spends a lot of time on the phone with her (he's only had a phone since he started cycling to school independently a year ago and never bothered with it. We had to remind him to charge it). Today he said he was going to cycle down to the nearby park to meet said gf and some other friends we know. He's never gone out independently to meet friends before, he's quite shy and timid but I was really happy he wanted to do this and let him go. About 20 minutes later he comes back home with this new gf in tow.
I said it was lovely to meet her but did her mum definitely know she was here and was it OK with her? I said I can't have children in my house with the parents not knowing, she said her mum does know as she texted her. I said sorry but I will need to check can I have your mums number, she willingly gave it to me and they went upstairs and I texted the mum. I don't know her name, whereabouts she lives or anything about her. I said "Hiya, it's XX, DS's mum. Just checking you are aware YY is at our house and that is OK with you? It's fine with us if it is with you, lovely to meet her" 20 mins later she texted back "yeh that's fine but back by 6 plz".
Is it just me that thinks it's a bit odd to let your kid go to other peoples houses without checking with the parents first and not knowing a damn thing about said parents? I could be a raging drug addict, passed out on my sofa with a needle in my arm with a couple of rabid dogs running around for all this woman knows.
I don't know if DS is expecting to go round to GF's house on the whim of an invite but I am not at all comfortable with it until I've met her parents.
Am I too uptight and is this just a normal part of growing up? It gives me the heebie jeebies.

I went into load of my friends houses from the age of 6 without ever telling my mum. We all went out to play all day and came home when hungrey. My friends also came to mine....we would be in and out like a yoyo.
This helicopter parenting needs to stop.

I have older kids than you and they absolutely aren't allowed to hang out aimlessly at the park (or in the street). But they can go to friend's houses even if I don't know the parents as long as it's pre-arranged.

A lot of ‘cool mums’ on this thread.

Nothing at all wrong with expecting to know where your child is and whose house they are at.

I’ve met people who have this ‘chilled out’ attitude of not knowing exactly where their kid is. I have come away every single time thinking they just can’t be bothered to be a parent anymore and are using secondary school as an excuse.

And also there’s a huge difference between an 11yr old and a 15yr old.

I went into load of my friends houses from the age of 6 without ever telling my mum. We all went out to play all day and came home when hungrey. My friends also came to mine....we would be in and out like a yoyo.
This helicopter parenting needs to stop.