To judge my friend harshly for this?

Not true. I did not enjoy it to put one over on my partner..we are still together. I carry the guilt and shame every second of the day and ultimately I know it was selfish and I deeply regret it but at the time I was so desperate for some basic intimacy, human touch etc that my judgement was clouded and once it started it became difficult to stop.

I'd struggle not to think differently of her, OP.

The contraception issue wouldn't be a problem for me but the cheating would.

I cannot stand cheats.

If you're not happy, leave.

There's just no need.

I used to be in a close circle of friends via school and two of them got involved with an affair. It was absolutely horrific when they got caught out, and I honestly lost a lot of respect for both of them. There is no reason to cheat - if you're unhappy, get the hell out.

Get a vibrator FFS. If it's really about sexual satisfaction that's what people do.You did it for the ego boost and because you enjoy putting one over on your partner.
Stop lying to yourself.

Sorry - I’ve yet to meet anyone who had an accidental pregnancy who diligently used contraception.

Hi, nice to meet you. I did, and I never missed a single dose of my pill, ever. I have a 27 year old walking around who is living proof that birth control fails.

You're quite wrong. Lots of people are not capable of deception and betrayal.
That's about basic human decency.

I wouldn't be able to see her the same either OP, I would definitely step back a bit from the friendship. Having an affair is just a really shitty thing to do.

How does she know the baby is her AP's and not her husbands?

Plus, if she could fuck a married man, she could fuck OP's husband or the husband of another person in the friend group. No way would I trust anyone with such little (if any) concern for the feelings of others.

So she has to cheat and lie to judge cheaters and liars? Make it make sense.

Oh, bullshit. She knows this woman cheated and lied and broke up two families.
There is nothing which justifies such vile conduct.

I think the pregnant thing is separate morally to the cheating. Maybe she wanted another child before it was too late. Maybe he did. This could be a loved and wanted accident.

The cheating is shit though. You want to be with someone else then you finish with the one you are with, Preferably before it starts.

Please do judge her as the nasty little homewrecker she is. This is appallingly unprincipled behaviour.
You're right to suspect she got pregnant on purpose, to get him to leave his wife.
IMO, this kind of behaviour is nothing short of sociopathic. People like her are called mate poachers, and there are proven links between mate poaching and sociopathy.
Get rid of this horrible person.
It's certainly not wrong to judge people for hurting others and behaving without honesty and integrity. In fact, you'd be foolish not to.

My SIL came into our family in this exact way. She was married but had an affair with my BIL and became pregnant. He had children but was going through a messy divorce from his wife, I’m pretty sure the affair started way before the split and was the cause of it but they both deny it.

I knew her prior to all this and she’s never been anything other than pleasant to me but I will never have more than a superficial relationship with her as the whole thing just makes me not trust her. The situation has no bearing on me but I do judge her and my BIL and it’s always in the back of my mind.

Maybe I did not want to leave my partner? He has good qualities and is a great dad to our child. I cheated for the sexual satisfaction only.

How selfish. You wanted the best of both worlds without any inconvenience to you, yet made your partner live a lie without the full facts of the relationship he was in. He could still be a good dad if you split.

Maybe I did not want to leave my partner? He has good qualities and is a great dad to our child. I cheated for the sexual satisfaction only.

You started a thread inviting strangers to slag off your friend for not holding your morals or being as intelligent as you. You can't expect people not to point out the hypocrisy. I'm not claiming to be a wonderful person but that's my point. We all have flaws, life is not as black and white as some on here believe.

Why was it easier to cheat than end your marriage?

That's your opinion but have you been in such a situation? A miserable relationship?

Yes. I left. Then when I was ready, I started dating again.

I never said that.
All I was saying was you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I never thought I would cheat, I've always been faithful and despised people who cheat until I find myself in such a situation. How can you judge someone on one choice they make for reasons you know nothing about. If you think that every single marriage or partnership is sunshine and rainbows and people don't stray them you are living on a different planet. The Ops friend doesn't need to explain herself to anyone other than people directly affected by the affair. A bunch of randos on MN making out she's the scum of the earth on very limited info is just absolutely ridiculous.

I am the result of a contraception failure. Condoms and "menopause". Totally not wanted or planned by either parent, realised fairly late on, it was a terrible horrible shock but I was later welcomed. Accidents do genuinely happen.

At the moment everything is hearsay. My Dad had an affair but some idiot got the wrong end of the stick and told my Mum's work colleagues that SHE had the affair and she was ostracised for almost two years until someone kindly let her know about the false rumours and she was able to set the story straight. I was pointed out in a club once as "that bitch that stole Jake from Kelly", when actually it was the person stood next to me who was in a new relationship with Jake (no crossover either)...I was labelled as a "man-stealing whore" for about two months and my name was mud whilst I'd done absolutely nothing wrong. Eventually that same person and I were at a wedding, she came over to hit me (!) but called me "Rachel" and everyone said "that's Perky not Rachel!" and she realised her mistake after a lot of convincing that I was definitely not Rachel, then apologised profusely. Trouble is, almost 20 years later, the damage is still done as it still comes up from time to time and many people remember me as someone who broke up an engagement and who is not to be trusted. I was a virgin who had never had a boyfriend at the time!

I'd ask her outright to make sure that it's not malicious gossip but also to let her know why the friendship has cooled if she has done what she is rumoured to have done. "Friend - I am sorry to broach this but I was told that the reason for your divorce is because you have had an affair and you are pregnant with that man's child. Did they get that right?"

And then just listen to what she says. Hear her out. You can thank her for her honesty if it turns out to be true. If you feel brave enough, you could calmly explain that you wish her well but you'd find it hard to continue the friendship in the circumstances. Otherwise, just slow fade.

Do people's fannies work differently to mine?
Do others have some sort of mind control affect over their brains that make them jump on a different cock to activate the decision to finish the first relationship?

If so I'm so bloody sorry, you obviously got stiffed with that function at birth.

ah so cheating make the break up more simple does it?

It actually is simple, you leave and start a new relationship or you stay and figure out your exit whilst NOT fucking other people.

It's really really that simple.

I'd be judging too. I'm always skeptical when people say they accidentally got pregnant. There's no accident about it, we all know how it happens and how to prevent it.

How often does a genuine accidental pregnancy occur?

As for the affair, again no excuse. End the marriage if you think there is better out there and go and find it rather than exploring the option behind your Husband or wife's back

It's so easy for people to say "just leave"
Sometimes it's not that simple.