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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have taken my sisters cat to the vet and hope she will pay

261 replies

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 16:58

My sister has a 19 year old cat.
Cat has lived at our mums house for a couple of years because my sister has a younger cat and a child and felt the older cat would be happier at my mums house.

Cat has come to stay at my house as my mum has gone on holiday.
Cat is clearly not well - skin and bones, ravenous and thirsty but not putting on weight. I weighed her and she is just over 2kgs. Breathing heavily at times and unsteady on her feet.

I messaged my mum to say I think cat needs to go to vet, I’ve had no response for 3 days. she’s in the U.K., not abroad.

Phoned my sister who agreed I could take her to the vet.
Vet wanted to do blood panel due to suspected hyperthyroidism so I got the ok from sister by text (she is owner so needs to agree). Sisters response to the possible diagnosis was - ‘that sounds expensive’.

Results came back and cat has severe hyperthyroidism. Too weak for surgery so treatment is special diet and pills. I explained this to sister by text and response is “ok”.

I am on the way to pick up pills now. Sister hasn’t asked me how much any of this costs (£300 so far) so is possibly expecting me to pay for it? Not sure how to approach this?

My mothers response when I’ve previously suggested cat is ill and should go to the vets is “she’s just old”.

sisters response when I said cat may also have renal failure, just to warn her that outlook may not be good was “she’s super old I wouldn’t be surprised if she needs to be put down”.

its like they both just think oh she’s old, just let her die.

But she is really suffering with the hyperthyroidism as she eats and eats but doesn’t get nutrition. With treatment she could have quality of life so to me it’s a no brainer to give her that.

I have two cats and I love them ti pieces, can’t imagine letting them come to this. I also have pet insurance for them, she doesn’t. I’m picking up the cost possibly. Should I have stayed out of this? It felt negligent to not take her to the vets whilst under my care and clearly ill.

feel really put off my mum and sister as they seem so heartless. Or am I being a martyr?

not sure how to convince my mum to buy / give cat the special food and pills once the lot I’ve got runs out.

vet needs to do more bloods in 2 weeks to check treatment is working so it may be easier to keep cat with me till then. Treatment will be for life.

I’m considering keeping cat but my partner is not keen because there is an impact on our existing two cats. They’re scared of older cat and have retreated upstairs and have been vomiting so I think they are stressed by her.

AIBU = I should have stayed out of this. Now I’ve got involved I need to suck it up in terms of vet bills and ongoing care.

IANBU = I was right to take cat to vets and sister is the owner and responsible for care, including paying me back.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 11/07/2024 18:20

I think prolonging the poor creatures life would be unnecessarily cruel. 19 is extremely elderly for a cat. She really needs to be put to sleep I'm afraid. I don't really trust the vets diagnoses and treatment suggestions to be honest in a cat of that age.

Wheresthebeach · 11/07/2024 18:19

If they cared about the cat they would have taken her to the vet when it was obvious she was ill. They didn’t so I doubt they will look after the cat now, it’s just going to suffer more

WoolySnail · 11/07/2024 18:17

Doesn't really matter if what you did was reasonable or not, or what treatment you think there should be. If you mum/ sister don't want to pay for ongoing treatment they won't. You did what you thought was best in the moment, they have the responsibility to decide from here on. I hope you get your money back though.

FOJN · 11/07/2024 18:16

Shylo · 11/07/2024 18:00

I can promise you that is categorically not how my vet operates having known them for 25 years

Many independent vets have been bought out by much larger companies who are more interested in satisfying share holders than putting animals first.

Those of us who have had good vets and seen the change when they were bought out are not making it up. The partners who sell their practices often leave within 12 months of selling because they don't like the way they are expected to generate profit.

user1471556818 · 11/07/2024 18:15

Think you either suck up the cost but know its going to keep increasing and who is going to give the tablets lots of trips to vets which is a big commitment. Or you get cat pts which might be the best option sadly.
My old cat was on long term meds for the last couple of yrs of his life
He did well but it was expensive time consuming and involved family members covering when I went on holiday. He took tablets well, didn't mind the vets all things to be considered at an advanced age .

Rosscameasdoody · 11/07/2024 18:13

Sorry I disagree. Was in the same situation with a 17 year old cat. Only difference was he was insured. Once started on medication he gained weight and for the remaining 3 years of his life was happy and contented. OP, if you’re prepared to take on the financial responsibility at least give the treatment a little while to make a difference. If it doesn’t then consider PTS.

BayandBlonde · 11/07/2024 18:13

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 17:19

The vet has not suggested putting her to sleep.

Because the vet is only interested in money. No one needs to be a veterinary professional to see at that age PTS is the kindest and a very valid welfare option.

FangsForTheMemory · 11/07/2024 18:11

I actually think that the vet should have suggested the cat was put to sleep.

lovescats3 · 11/07/2024 18:11

I would let the cat have the treatment and see if it responds

Wheresthebeach · 11/07/2024 18:09

Definitely PTS time. You can’t sign your family up for that sort of on going treatment so you’re only delaying the inevitable and frankly it sounds like they are just waiting for her to die. Ask them if they’d like her PTS.

You def should have told them costs…and if they don’t have insurance that sort of monthly expense will be out of the reach of a lot of people.

QueenCamilla · 11/07/2024 18:07

If I was 80 years old with laboured breathing, rapidly wasting away and starting to suffer organ failure - that's the exact point I'd wish for Dignitas to be a viable option in this country. Why the heck would it matter to me that some have made it to 96.

At least our pets have a decent, painless way out if anyone cares for a decent, painless way out. Not everyone does, of course.

beeloubee · 11/07/2024 18:06

Please just put her to sleep. She's lived a long life. She's suffering. I know you care and it was kind of you to do what you did but please I hope she gets put out of her misery. I say this as someone whose in pain everyday and wished there was that option for me.

Caravaggiouch · 11/07/2024 18:06

At 19 I would absolutely not be dragging my cat back to the vet for blood tests and ongoing medication.

PadstowGirl · 11/07/2024 18:04

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 11/07/2024 17:45

Not all cats are difficult to get pills into.

Broken up into food usually works.

Or, if you crush it and wet it and pop it on their leg they tend to lick it off because they don't like to be dirty.

And you can risk overdosing this way. Some tablets are designed to break down gradually in the gut.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 11/07/2024 18:02

At 19 years old this cat needs to be PTS.

We can be humane for animals in a way we can’t be for humans…you should take that option.

Nanaof1 · 11/07/2024 18:02

Shylo · 11/07/2024 18:00

I can promise you that is categorically not how my vet operates having known them for 25 years

Did I say it was ALL vets? No? That's what I thought.

Glad you have a good one.

Shylo · 11/07/2024 18:00

Nanaof1 · 11/07/2024 17:56

No, because they can make so much more money not suggesting that. Some not so good vets will wait until you are 1Ks into treatment that doesn't work or help enough, before they say, "There is nothing else we can do. It would be best if the pet gets PTS." Of course, you'll still owe the vet bills and the PTS meds.

I can promise you that is categorically not how my vet operates having known them for 25 years

Devilsmommy · 11/07/2024 17:59

FOJN · 11/07/2024 17:08

I agree with first poster, the vet is a disgrace.

A 19 year old cat with hypothyroidism, weighing just 2kg, is suffering and needs to be PTS. Anything else is just cruel.

I doubt the cat will survive for much longer and it's an awful way to let the cat die.

I'm not even a cat person but even I think this is too cruel

Sasqwatch · 11/07/2024 17:59

Malahide · 11/07/2024 17:01

Sounds like the cat needs put down, not special food and recurrent blood tests. Poor thing. The vet is taking advantage of you and prolonging the inevitable.

Rubbish, my beloved cat did brilliantly on Thyroid meds and lived to be 23.

You’ve done the right think to get the cat to the Vet @InWithPeaceOutWithStress

BeachRide · 11/07/2024 17:58

Put the poor thing down, it doesn't need blood tests, vet visits and tablets. For shame.

Nanaof1 · 11/07/2024 17:56

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 17:19

The vet has not suggested putting her to sleep.

No, because they can make so much more money not suggesting that. Some not so good vets will wait until you are 1Ks into treatment that doesn't work or help enough, before they say, "There is nothing else we can do. It would be best if the pet gets PTS." Of course, you'll still owe the vet bills and the PTS meds.

ohthejoys21 · 11/07/2024 17:55

Anyone who owns an animal knows that they will be responsible for paying to have it euthanised when the time comes. Trust me your sister knows this too. Please do the right thing for the poor baby and let it go peacefully with no more pain or discomfort.

UpUpUpU · 11/07/2024 17:54

You should have refused to have the cat in the first place if it’s in such bad condition.

it needs to be pts and not treated in my experience. Your sister doesn’t even want the cat and your mum probably doesn’t either.

boredsoscrollingonMNagain · 11/07/2024 17:52

I agree with what a lot are saying - sadly , the cat needs to be put down. It sounds like a lot for it to go through and it sounds like the vet is just trying to get money.

I think you should have told her the costs before agreeing to anything . A lot of people can’t just pull £300 from nowhere .

Blanketpolicy · 11/07/2024 17:52

Poor cat.

I've been in your situation where we dog sat for someone for 3 months (ended up being much much longer) while they relocated as he wanted to keep the dog as she belonged to his late wife. The 3 year old dog ended up with pyometra. Needed emergency surgery costs (£250 - early 90s so it was a lot back then). Owner said it was a bit much and just tell them to PTS. Lets say the air was a bit blue when they said that, we told him we would pay for it and if he wanted to PTS he could get his arse back up to Scotland and do it himself! He showed up a couple of months later with the money (we didn't ask for it) and took the dog home.

But you have taken it upon yourself to take the cat to the vets and have not been direct with your sister if the expectation is for her to reimburse you and also pay for ongoing treatment. tbh the ownership of the cat is also wooly, if it has been staying with your mum for 2 years and I assume your sister doesn't pay for its food, it is really your mums cat now. She and your sister knew the cats condition and chose not to take it for treatment. Cost is on you I'm afraid.