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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have taken my sisters cat to the vet and hope she will pay

261 replies

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 16:58

My sister has a 19 year old cat.
Cat has lived at our mums house for a couple of years because my sister has a younger cat and a child and felt the older cat would be happier at my mums house.

Cat has come to stay at my house as my mum has gone on holiday.
Cat is clearly not well - skin and bones, ravenous and thirsty but not putting on weight. I weighed her and she is just over 2kgs. Breathing heavily at times and unsteady on her feet.

I messaged my mum to say I think cat needs to go to vet, I’ve had no response for 3 days. she’s in the U.K., not abroad.

Phoned my sister who agreed I could take her to the vet.
Vet wanted to do blood panel due to suspected hyperthyroidism so I got the ok from sister by text (she is owner so needs to agree). Sisters response to the possible diagnosis was - ‘that sounds expensive’.

Results came back and cat has severe hyperthyroidism. Too weak for surgery so treatment is special diet and pills. I explained this to sister by text and response is “ok”.

I am on the way to pick up pills now. Sister hasn’t asked me how much any of this costs (£300 so far) so is possibly expecting me to pay for it? Not sure how to approach this?

My mothers response when I’ve previously suggested cat is ill and should go to the vets is “she’s just old”.

sisters response when I said cat may also have renal failure, just to warn her that outlook may not be good was “she’s super old I wouldn’t be surprised if she needs to be put down”.

its like they both just think oh she’s old, just let her die.

But she is really suffering with the hyperthyroidism as she eats and eats but doesn’t get nutrition. With treatment she could have quality of life so to me it’s a no brainer to give her that.

I have two cats and I love them ti pieces, can’t imagine letting them come to this. I also have pet insurance for them, she doesn’t. I’m picking up the cost possibly. Should I have stayed out of this? It felt negligent to not take her to the vets whilst under my care and clearly ill.

feel really put off my mum and sister as they seem so heartless. Or am I being a martyr?

not sure how to convince my mum to buy / give cat the special food and pills once the lot I’ve got runs out.

vet needs to do more bloods in 2 weeks to check treatment is working so it may be easier to keep cat with me till then. Treatment will be for life.

I’m considering keeping cat but my partner is not keen because there is an impact on our existing two cats. They’re scared of older cat and have retreated upstairs and have been vomiting so I think they are stressed by her.

AIBU = I should have stayed out of this. Now I’ve got involved I need to suck it up in terms of vet bills and ongoing care.

IANBU = I was right to take cat to vets and sister is the owner and responsible for care, including paying me back.

OP posts:
EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 16/07/2024 14:11

I had an 18 year old cat with thyroid problems, the vet was excellent at discussing the treatment options. We went with daily medication as that was the least distressing for him.

Unfortunately he did die from something unrelated not that long afterwards, but his last months were a lot happier on the medication.

TutiFrutti · 16/07/2024 13:35

Hands up to not reading full thread! Just seen the account is in your name so I'm afraid you will be on the hook for the bill if your sister refuses to pay.
I hope she does the right thing both by the cat and you op xx

TutiFrutti · 16/07/2024 13:31

Some shocking remarks about vets on here.
#NOMV
The vet has examined the cat, run tests and recommended a course of treatment based on the information they have and discussions with either the op or the owner.
Your sister has given consent, the account is in her name so it's her that will receive the invoice. Don't pay beforehand and they will invoice her as is appropriate.

Dingdong90 · 16/07/2024 13:21

Vets will honestly rip the arse when it comes to stuff like this, she would honestly be better of pts. But if they can make some money before that they will, our elderly dog was 15 and could barely walk,kept taking weird fits and the vets were like oh give her this medication...at 180 quid a month ,it will help. All we did was prolong her suffering and ours by doing that for 6 months in the hope she'd get better before finally deciding to have her pts. It's definitely quality not quantity when it comes to animals

Isthisasgoodasitis · 16/07/2024 13:17

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 16:58

My sister has a 19 year old cat.
Cat has lived at our mums house for a couple of years because my sister has a younger cat and a child and felt the older cat would be happier at my mums house.

Cat has come to stay at my house as my mum has gone on holiday.
Cat is clearly not well - skin and bones, ravenous and thirsty but not putting on weight. I weighed her and she is just over 2kgs. Breathing heavily at times and unsteady on her feet.

I messaged my mum to say I think cat needs to go to vet, I’ve had no response for 3 days. she’s in the U.K., not abroad.

Phoned my sister who agreed I could take her to the vet.
Vet wanted to do blood panel due to suspected hyperthyroidism so I got the ok from sister by text (she is owner so needs to agree). Sisters response to the possible diagnosis was - ‘that sounds expensive’.

Results came back and cat has severe hyperthyroidism. Too weak for surgery so treatment is special diet and pills. I explained this to sister by text and response is “ok”.

I am on the way to pick up pills now. Sister hasn’t asked me how much any of this costs (£300 so far) so is possibly expecting me to pay for it? Not sure how to approach this?

My mothers response when I’ve previously suggested cat is ill and should go to the vets is “she’s just old”.

sisters response when I said cat may also have renal failure, just to warn her that outlook may not be good was “she’s super old I wouldn’t be surprised if she needs to be put down”.

its like they both just think oh she’s old, just let her die.

But she is really suffering with the hyperthyroidism as she eats and eats but doesn’t get nutrition. With treatment she could have quality of life so to me it’s a no brainer to give her that.

I have two cats and I love them ti pieces, can’t imagine letting them come to this. I also have pet insurance for them, she doesn’t. I’m picking up the cost possibly. Should I have stayed out of this? It felt negligent to not take her to the vets whilst under my care and clearly ill.

feel really put off my mum and sister as they seem so heartless. Or am I being a martyr?

not sure how to convince my mum to buy / give cat the special food and pills once the lot I’ve got runs out.

vet needs to do more bloods in 2 weeks to check treatment is working so it may be easier to keep cat with me till then. Treatment will be for life.

I’m considering keeping cat but my partner is not keen because there is an impact on our existing two cats. They’re scared of older cat and have retreated upstairs and have been vomiting so I think they are stressed by her.

AIBU = I should have stayed out of this. Now I’ve got involved I need to suck it up in terms of vet bills and ongoing care.

IANBU = I was right to take cat to vets and sister is the owner and responsible for care, including paying me back.

What your sister and mother are doing is abuse and neglect in law so you are doing the right thing …

I would keep the cat there’s things you can do to help them live together

feliway plug ins
plug one on each floor and in the rooms they use
feliway spray
spray beds
carpets
soft furnishings
Leave for 1/2 hour before allowing cats into area
cat nip spray
spray your hands then smooth the a cat down repeat with each cat they’ll soon start investigating each other

Emmz1510 · 16/07/2024 13:11

Not sure how this works as I don’t have pets. I hope you haven’t committed to paying for anything, because unless you seriously plan on keeping the cat your sister should have been given the choice of whether to pay for the treatment. Sounds callous but the cost of vet care is really prohibitive for most people there comes a point when you have to balance up cost vs quality of life and it sounds like it might be kinder to put it to sleep, poor thing.
First of all, decide if you want to keep the cat and if so if you will pay for treatment.
If you decide not to keep it, contact sister and say ‘look I don’t want to sign up for indefinite and costly treatment if it’s not what you want, so you need to let me know if you want to commit to this or would rather the cat was euthanised, which might be kinder’ or similar. She doesn’t get to not agree to euthanasia yet expect you to pay for the treatment. The cat certainly can’t be expected to go on without treatment, if at all.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/07/2024 14:17

GinForBreakfast · 12/07/2024 09:55

My experience is that vets will happily treat elderly pets forever with little consideration for cost, consequences or quality of life for pet or owner. If an animal is simply existing it feels kinder to PTS. 19 years is a great age for a cat.

Thankfully not in my experience. When my cat was elderly and ill the vet suggested we PTS. We agreed to it and at the last minute said no - we had an inkling that he had gone downhill due to a change in medication and we were right. The vet had said it couldn't be the medication but when I discussed it with a senior vet he told me he'd come across a similar reaction before.

If you're not sure, ask for a second opinion

TheOracleofNothing · 12/07/2024 22:46

You're a kind person OP and could see the cat was going through avoidable suffering. Ethically, if the cat is OK with the treatment, it is the right thing to do for the animal, to treat it. However, it's not your cat. You might be too emotionally involved? Truth is, people consider euthanasia as a treatment option for animals when they can't face the bill. It's your sisters decision whether she wants to pay or perhaps give the cat to you to look after, all bills included, for its final weeks or years.

You can't make decisions and bill someone for it unless they are explicitly aware of the cost, especially in this climate. So I would say, ask your sister to cover it, but expect to end up at least contributing for the intervention it's had so far.

Trivium4all · 12/07/2024 21:33

If the vets think the hyperthyroidism can be kept under control with drugs and the cat is otherwise healthy, then you may be surprised at how fast she picks up and regains weight once the medicine kicks in. It's also available as a liquid in the UK (and elsewhere), which can be dripped over the wet food. My also 19yo cat has been on the liquid version for about 2 1/2 years now: his main symptom was also alarming weight loss, despite a very good appetite. He quickly regained the lost weight, and still seems to be enjoying his daily wanders around the garden. Hyperthyroidism by itself need not be an immediate death sentence.

clubcropicana · 12/07/2024 21:15

I'd keep the cat. Your mum and sister are neglectful. No way would I let that poor cat back there.

noctilucentcloud · 12/07/2024 21:06

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 12/07/2024 08:13

Thank you, yes I think this is where I’m landing. I’ve reconciled that even if ultimately she is PTS, that isn’t going to happen straightaway as I need to engage my family. It isn’t my decision and the vet advised giving treatment a go. therefore the humane thing for me is to give her the special food and the pills in the interim. She’s been neglected for too long and the least I can do is get her the treatment while she’s with me, if it makes her last couple of weeks more comfortable then it’s worth it and is the ethical thing to do.

Show quote history

I completely agree with this. Well done for taking the wee mite to the vets. I hope you can talk sense into your mum and sister re. what happens next whether that be treatment if the cat is responding well or euthanasia. I have a sibling who hasn't got a great track record with pets too, it makes me angry because like you say we're responsible for them and ensuring all their needs are met.

OnTheBoardwalk · 12/07/2024 20:50

Thanks for doing the right thing and looking out for the cat, you've done the right thing. £300 vet costs is only the start for an uninsured old cat

my 17 yo cat was insured and was very poorly with renal issues. Vet prescribed loads of medication and very expensive food which she hated. She was ok for 6 weeks then went rapidly down hill and was in major distress

went back to vet who started suggesting a whole load of invasive tests which she would have hated. It was only when I asked what would he do if it was his cat did he recommended PTS

PeepDeBeaul · 12/07/2024 20:42

What's with all these folk saying PTS? We own a geriatric cat too with medical conditions and our vet was very clear she isn't at the PTS point. If OP's cat was at that point, the vet would most definitely have said. No OP, your sister's cat is sick. You'll be amazed how much she'll rally once you get meds into her.

The hardest thing won't be getting the cat healthy...it'll be convincing your family that she needs ongoing medical care. That's expensive and insurance won't cover that cost as it's now a pre-existing condition. They'll be looking at £50 a month on meds and food now plus however much for vets trips and need to budget for that.

I'm worried they'll just un-medicate her to the point that she does need to be PTS. Please keep a close eye on her once she goes back into their care and advocate for this poor cat.

Top tip for stress free daily pills: break up a dreamie. Put the pill into the middle of now small pile of mushed dreamie and serve to the cat.

Very few cat owners expect their cat to live this long...We now have monthly vets visits to manage her arthritis, and daily pills for epilepsy.

croydon15 · 12/07/2024 20:14

It sounds like your DM and DS have neglected the cat and of course the vet will take your money and do all sorts of tests. I am sure that you can judge whether the cat is in discomfort/pain then it would be the time to let her go
Your DS owes you for the vet's bill, ask her to reimburse you.

Itsarecipefordisaster · 12/07/2024 18:20

You can be prosecuted for not seeking veterinary help for an animal that is suffering. The OPs mother and sister should be ashamed of themselves. I would never let an animal suffer.

Original poster
InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 12/07/2024 14:35

@lb640 That’s so sad to hear and so lovely of you to step in and help.

It really does make you think about how widespread this problem is in our society of animal neglect and cruelty. Animals can look after themselves in the wild, we’ve domesticated pets and made them dependent, it’s our responsibility to care for them properly.

OP posts:
marshmallowfinder · 12/07/2024 13:17

Londonrach1 · 12/07/2024 06:42

At 19 and suffering it's kinder to pts. Vet just wants money.

Fgs. What a disgusting comment. The vet is trying to find the cause and give the cat a chance. Good for them.

lb640 · 12/07/2024 12:55

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 12/07/2024 07:07

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the support. It’s really distressing and I’m angry they’ve left this to me and are just ignoring the whole thing.

The thread has made me realise I need to have a really serious conversation with them about the two options - care for her or PTS. Continuing to ignore the situation is neglectful and cruel and I am determined not to let them do that.

If my mum refuses to care for her properly then my sister needs to either take her back or take her to the vets to PTS. Or I can do this but it’s her decision and she should pay me back for it.

My sister is planning to get a puppy next so I can see what happens next - she’ll give the second cat to my mum and this will all be repeated in a few years time.

I've just finished a phase of cat sitting for work (long term supposedly nice clients), and three of the households were neglecting the cat(s) badly so I totally understand. It's so infuriating.

I'm trying to encourage one of them to pass their aging cats to me. Looks like the male will need to be put down. But they're letting him suffer terribly (it's a woman who I thought of as a old friend, she remarried but her husband wants the cats dead so refuses to let her treat them or go to vets for past few years and refused to let me take them).

The female I think may upset my current cats

However I have had chats with cats protection and it's no guarantee but they said if they can help me they will. Costs, finding cheap vet help...or if you foster until a home or place can be found they may help you with food and things.

No promises as they're all overrun like crazy especially last few years, but may be worth finding a good advisor for a chat.

Totally get it though. I've worked with the households so long I love the cats too and hate watching them suffer. Especially when the families have the money and time to help the cats. Or just rehome or put them to sleep (eg the male very sick one)

Jezabelle85 · 12/07/2024 10:45

Mia184 · 11/07/2024 19:18

Then don‘t put her to sleep. I took in a 16 year old cat last November who had been homeless for 2 years after her owner died. She occasionally got scraps from the neighbors but otherwise had to find food on her own - she has no teeth.

She eventually settled on the farm next door when her previous owner‘s son took over the house and very brutally chased her away. At the farm it was considered to shoot her but luckily, they didn‘t do that. Then I saw her there (the farm is famous locally for its ice cream) and asked to take her.

i spent over 1000€ at the vet - she is skinny, had horrific diarrhea for months and didn‘t put on any weight even though she ate 1.5 pounds of wet food per day. For a couple of weeks, the first thing in the morning I had to do was clean the bath room because she shat multiple times everywhere in the bathroom. Plus she had a yeast infection in her ears that needed multiple treatment at the vet. Oh, and my other cat hates her so I have to keep them separately.

Bonnie’s weight is now stable, the diarrhea under control, she eats less and is enjoying live. It never occurred to me to put her to sleep since the vet never suggested it. The vet actually said that Bonnie most likely has a couple of years ahead of her.

Show quote history

Aww. Bless you and Bonnie.
I am glad she gets to know love and kindness, even if you only have her for a short time x

Emotionalsupportviper · 12/07/2024 10:22

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 19:56

The medication is thiamazole.

I think that's what my cat got until her kidneys improved enough for her to undergo surgery and she had a thyroidectomy.

Then she needed thyroxine because her body couldn't make it herself.

GinForBreakfast · 12/07/2024 09:55

My experience is that vets will happily treat elderly pets forever with little consideration for cost, consequences or quality of life for pet or owner. If an animal is simply existing it feels kinder to PTS. 19 years is a great age for a cat.

Julyshouldbesunny · 12/07/2024 09:39

Dcat wasn't even registered at a vet? No wonder it's poorly.. Jabs? It's a legal requirement to have it microchipped now also...

Original poster
InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 12/07/2024 08:13

ProfessionalPirate · 12/07/2024 07:19

FFS. The vet is not a disgrace. He/she is more than likely an employee on a salary that will not change based on this cats’ treatment. They are not just out to rinse the OP dry. Agree that this cat needs to be PTS soon, but it’s not always as simple as that. Authorisation from the cats’ owner is required before euthanasia for one thing.

Medical treatment for hyperthyroidism in cats can be highly effective and comparatively inexpensive. It could be worth a try even if it’s just for a few weeks to allow the owners to return from holiday and get their heads around inevitable euthanasia.

Thank you, yes I think this is where I’m landing. I’ve reconciled that even if ultimately she is PTS, that isn’t going to happen straightaway as I need to engage my family. It isn’t my decision and the vet advised giving treatment a go. therefore the humane thing for me is to give her the special food and the pills in the interim. She’s been neglected for too long and the least I can do is get her the treatment while she’s with me, if it makes her last couple of weeks more comfortable then it’s worth it and is the ethical thing to do.

OP posts:
zoom1982 · 12/07/2024 07:20

Mia184 · 11/07/2024 19:18

Then don‘t put her to sleep. I took in a 16 year old cat last November who had been homeless for 2 years after her owner died. She occasionally got scraps from the neighbors but otherwise had to find food on her own - she has no teeth.

She eventually settled on the farm next door when her previous owner‘s son took over the house and very brutally chased her away. At the farm it was considered to shoot her but luckily, they didn‘t do that. Then I saw her there (the farm is famous locally for its ice cream) and asked to take her.

i spent over 1000€ at the vet - she is skinny, had horrific diarrhea for months and didn‘t put on any weight even though she ate 1.5 pounds of wet food per day. For a couple of weeks, the first thing in the morning I had to do was clean the bath room because she shat multiple times everywhere in the bathroom. Plus she had a yeast infection in her ears that needed multiple treatment at the vet. Oh, and my other cat hates her so I have to keep them separately.

Bonnie’s weight is now stable, the diarrhea under control, she eats less and is enjoying live. It never occurred to me to put her to sleep since the vet never suggested it. The vet actually said that Bonnie most likely has a couple of years ahead of her.

Show quote history

Bless you and Bonnie is beautiful🌹

ProfessionalPirate · 12/07/2024 07:19

FFS. The vet is not a disgrace. He/she is more than likely an employee on a salary that will not change based on this cats’ treatment. They are not just out to rinse the OP dry. Agree that this cat needs to be PTS soon, but it’s not always as simple as that. Authorisation from the cats’ owner is required before euthanasia for one thing.

Medical treatment for hyperthyroidism in cats can be highly effective and comparatively inexpensive. It could be worth a try even if it’s just for a few weeks to allow the owners to return from holiday and get their heads around inevitable euthanasia.