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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have taken my sisters cat to the vet and hope she will pay

261 replies

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 16:58

My sister has a 19 year old cat.
Cat has lived at our mums house for a couple of years because my sister has a younger cat and a child and felt the older cat would be happier at my mums house.

Cat has come to stay at my house as my mum has gone on holiday.
Cat is clearly not well - skin and bones, ravenous and thirsty but not putting on weight. I weighed her and she is just over 2kgs. Breathing heavily at times and unsteady on her feet.

I messaged my mum to say I think cat needs to go to vet, I’ve had no response for 3 days. she’s in the U.K., not abroad.

Phoned my sister who agreed I could take her to the vet.
Vet wanted to do blood panel due to suspected hyperthyroidism so I got the ok from sister by text (she is owner so needs to agree). Sisters response to the possible diagnosis was - ‘that sounds expensive’.

Results came back and cat has severe hyperthyroidism. Too weak for surgery so treatment is special diet and pills. I explained this to sister by text and response is “ok”.

I am on the way to pick up pills now. Sister hasn’t asked me how much any of this costs (£300 so far) so is possibly expecting me to pay for it? Not sure how to approach this?

My mothers response when I’ve previously suggested cat is ill and should go to the vets is “she’s just old”.

sisters response when I said cat may also have renal failure, just to warn her that outlook may not be good was “she’s super old I wouldn’t be surprised if she needs to be put down”.

its like they both just think oh she’s old, just let her die.

But she is really suffering with the hyperthyroidism as she eats and eats but doesn’t get nutrition. With treatment she could have quality of life so to me it’s a no brainer to give her that.

I have two cats and I love them ti pieces, can’t imagine letting them come to this. I also have pet insurance for them, she doesn’t. I’m picking up the cost possibly. Should I have stayed out of this? It felt negligent to not take her to the vets whilst under my care and clearly ill.

feel really put off my mum and sister as they seem so heartless. Or am I being a martyr?

not sure how to convince my mum to buy / give cat the special food and pills once the lot I’ve got runs out.

vet needs to do more bloods in 2 weeks to check treatment is working so it may be easier to keep cat with me till then. Treatment will be for life.

I’m considering keeping cat but my partner is not keen because there is an impact on our existing two cats. They’re scared of older cat and have retreated upstairs and have been vomiting so I think they are stressed by her.

AIBU = I should have stayed out of this. Now I’ve got involved I need to suck it up in terms of vet bills and ongoing care.

IANBU = I was right to take cat to vets and sister is the owner and responsible for care, including paying me back.

OP posts:
cansu · 11/07/2024 17:34

You really should have stayed out if it until she returned. It isn't your call and I would be annoyed at the bill too. There is a difference between emergency treatment for an animal in severe distress or pain and treating a long term chronic condition.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 11/07/2024 17:32

And yes, daily pills and treatment will be a struggle. Why make the end of an elderly animal’s life horrible?

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 17:32

I am shocked. I wasn’t expected this. I thought we would treat her. The vet didn’t mention PTS at all.

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 11/07/2024 17:31

You agreed to £300 worth of tests without getting agreement with the owner to pay for that? On an elderly cat who’s owner was happy to let nature take its course (and at this point you have to view your mum as the owner).

sorry think anything beyond the initial appointment fee that your sister agreed to should be covered by you. Clearly both your sister and mum would go for PTS not tests and treatment.

WitchyBits · 11/07/2024 17:30

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 17:19

The vet has not suggested putting her to sleep.

No because they can only earn £15-20 profit for that! As opposed to £££ every month trying to keep an ancient cat alive.

EllenLRipley · 11/07/2024 17:29

Vet's are businesses - for profits. Putting the cat down is less profitable than medication and treatment. If you had insurance they may well have offered surgery.

Andwegoroundagain · 11/07/2024 17:28

Your dsis doesn't want to prolong the cats life and is OK with cat being PTS. She doesn't want to pay for expensive treatments or meds. Again, not your cat and so not your decision.
I think you need to clearly engage with her before you incur any further costs

Tumblingjungleofchaos · 11/07/2024 17:28

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 17:19

The vet has not suggested putting her to sleep.

They'll make as much money out of you for a few months then suggest it when it's blindingly obvious there's nothing else to be done.

I'd have cat PTS now and save their suffering.

NeedMoreTea · 11/07/2024 17:28

The vet has to do a second round of blood tests to make sure the dosage is correct and that the thyroid levels have gone back to the where they should be. Sometimes they have to tweak the dosage.

My 18 year old cat has hyperthyroidism. She's been on meds for a year, is comfortable and happy.

However, something to think about is that getting the tablet down her throat every day is a bit of a battle and can be stressful if you're not confident. Will your mum be able to manage that?

Livinginaclock · 11/07/2024 17:26

I have three cats and adore them, but in that situation I wouldn't be prolonging their life.

lawnseed · 11/07/2024 17:26

Your mother isn't suitable to care for a sick, elderly animal. She won't give the medication and doesn't want the responsibility. Tell the vet to pts. They have no reason to refuse. Tell the vet there is no one to care for or pay for the treatment. The cat is being neglected.

MuscariFan · 11/07/2024 17:25

Another agreeing that at 19 years old and 2kg, this is a cat that is suffering and should have been given a peaceful end. Disgusting behaviour from her poor owners to let her get to that stage, and obviously be happy to let her fade away without having seen a vet, but at this stage it would be kinder to let her go.

pizzaHeart · 11/07/2024 17:24

oakleaffy · 11/07/2024 17:14

Doesn’t sound like your mum or sister care-
PTS is kindest option as they won’t be wanting to pay ongoing meds .

This^

theleafandnotthetree · 11/07/2024 17:24

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 17:19

The vet has not suggested putting her to sleep.

You are very naive OP, not all vets are as ethical as one might like. Surely your own common sense tells you that putting this poor cat to sleep is the right thing to do - the fact that is also the cheapest thing to do doesn't make it wrong.

LadyWhistled0wn · 11/07/2024 17:24

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 17:19

The vet has not suggested putting her to sleep.

Of course they won't, they won't make that much money out of you just PTS. Whereas medication & regular bloods 💵💵💵💵💵

PasteldeNata78 · 11/07/2024 17:24

OP at 19 special pills, food etc is just going to be very stressful for the cat
She's 19. Let her go in peace

Your mum and sister sound like neglectful owners but you swing too far in the opposite direction

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 17:24

FOJN · 11/07/2024 17:20

Re-reading your post I wonder if the vet advised putting the cat to sleep but you decided it would be "heartless" and so have agreed to treatment you now expect your sister to pay for?

If that's the case you need to rethink. I have seen a cat die from hypothyroidism because the owner couldn't bear the thought of euthanasia and the cats final weeks were awful even though they were receiving medication.

No not at all. The vet knows it isn’t my cat so I don’t think he would have been afraid to suggest putting her to sleep. He said diet and tablets.

OP posts:
LadyWhistled0wn · 11/07/2024 17:23

At 19 years old, you're merely prolonging the poor cats death and putting them through more suffering than necessary.

Sosorryliver · 11/07/2024 17:23

Malahide · 11/07/2024 17:01

Sounds like the cat needs put down, not special food and recurrent blood tests. Poor thing. The vet is taking advantage of you and prolonging the inevitable.

This

BMW6 · 11/07/2024 17:22

Poor cat should be set free from the struggle at such an advanced age.

😔

Malahide · 11/07/2024 17:21

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 17:19

The vet has not suggested putting her to sleep.

Because to the vet you are a cash cow, OP. Find a better, more humane vet and let the poor cat go. All you are doing is prolonging suffering and putting it through stressful procedures with no long term benefit.

FOJN · 11/07/2024 17:20

Re-reading your post I wonder if the vet advised putting the cat to sleep but you decided it would be "heartless" and so have agreed to treatment you now expect your sister to pay for?

If that's the case you need to rethink. I have seen a cat die from hypothyroidism because the owner couldn't bear the thought of euthanasia and the cats final weeks were awful even though they were receiving medication.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/07/2024 17:19

The vet has not suggested putting her to sleep.

OP posts:
ToxicChristmas · 11/07/2024 17:16

19 years old and 2kg, probably in pain or at the least very uncomfortable and unhappy -she needs to be PTS. I'm sorry, it's horrible and sad (I've been there and it broke my heart) but I wouldn't be medicating a very old, underweight and miserable cat. It's just not fair. Well done for taking her to the vets.

pigsDOfly · 11/07/2024 17:14

Meant to add that pts sounds like the kindest thing you could do.