MN phrases that you would ban

Is it fuck off to the far side of fuckery then fuck off some more? Because if it’s not I have absolutely no idea. 😬😬

because I could always order something else when out (she literally wrote something like 'there are lots of other options, for example hot chocolate')

haha! exactly this- HOT CHOCOLATE? your mind must have been blown- who would have thought that hot choc was an option eh? This is brand new information 😂

OP: “My husband beats me because I don’t use Lenon Pledge

Poster: “You can buy Lemon Pledge at the pound shop.”

Yes- this too- problem solved then eh?

“You don’t like X person very much do you” for having legitimate reasons to not like a persons behaviour. 🙄🙄🙄

I'm irritated by the widespread assumption that no problem is too trivial to need counselling, nor too serious for counselling to resolve. I think there are a lot of counsellors on Mumsnet with too much spare time and not enough clients.

I think it might be:

Fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more.

You know, totally common in normal everyday conversation 😅

@heftywallet

What makes me roll my eyes back in my head are the posters who pick up on one tiny insignificant detail and extrapolate that when its obviously completely irrelevant and then do their armchair psychologist bit.

God yes.

OP: “My husband beats me because I don’t use Lenon Pledge.

Poster: “You can buy Lemon Pledge at the pound shop.”

etc…

Some people keep Dchickens in the garden.

'I would say "No, Peter, this doesn't work for me. You seem to have confused me with your chauffeur. I am no longer going to collect your DD from brownies/cycling/karate as I have childcare commitments of my own. You are a CF of the highest order who needs to FOTTFSOFATFOSM. Don't ask again because no is a complete sentence.'

Am I the only one who's now sitting here trying to figure out FOTTFSOFATFOSM? I've got FOTTFSO so far (I think) 😄

Yes, this! I feel like there's been quite the bumper crop of it lately.

Your coffee example reminded me that a while back I posted a thread (under a different name) saying I didn't understand why some people treat others as weird over really insignificant life choices like clothes, decor, preferred food and drinks etc when surely these are just personal choices and insignificant to others. I happened to mention in passing I didn't understand why people are always trying to get me to drink tea and coffee when I don't, but it was by no means the point of my post. I got a longish paragraph in response from someone who was kind enough to 'explain' that it was because tea drinking is a social ritual but that it didn't need to affect my friendships because I could always order something else when out (she literally wrote something like 'there are lots of other options, for example hot chocolate'), and that if I didn't want tea or coffee when staying at people's houses I could always ask if my host had any juice or take a water bottle with me which I could then refill from the tap. Thank goodness she explained that to me, I'd have had no clue what to do otherwise and would probably have carked it by now from dehydration. 🙄#totallymissingthepoint

AITA. It's not Reddit.

What makes me roll my eyes back in my head are the posters who pick up on one tiny insignificant detail and extrapolate that when its obviously completely irrelevant and then do their armchair psychologist bit.

Eg. "I'm struggling with my friend who keeps being flaky and not showing up for our coffee dates leaving me wondering if she's going to turn up or not, how to address with her?"

Answer: "I think you need to examine your psychological dependence on coffee, it's probably rooted in childhood- did you see your parents relying on coffee to get through the day? I think therapy would help you to work out your feelings around coffee and why you place so much importance and meaning on it"

Its not about the fucking coffee FFS.

'Give your head a wobble' - unbearably twee.
'Picky bits' (although we do have picky tea in our house ... better than saying 'scour the fridge for leftovers and some salad')

I used to work with someone in real life who used the phrase 'boils my piss'. Made me laugh then and still does now. I use it.

What I absolutely can't bear are the carefully crafted, overly long and entirely unrealistic 'responses' to a certain situation. For example:

'I would say "No, Peter, this doesn't work for me. You seem to have confused me with your chauffeur. I am no longer going to collect your DD from brownies/cycling/karate as I have childcare commitments of my own. You are a CF of the highest order who needs to FOTTFSOFATFOSM. Don't ask again because no is a complete sentence.'

Usually followed by a suggestion to practise saying it in the mirror (?!?!) and the next poster saying 'This response is perfect'.

No it isn't. It reads like a sub-par piece of GCSE English writing. Nobody talks like this in real life.

And ... breathe :)

This drives me mad too- as if you're going to just say to your boss fuck off.

Hey, and when you lose your job and cant pay the mortgage/rent as a result tell them to fuck off too- that always goes down super well -they'll let you stay there for free because you're such a badass 😂

Plate up. I've never heard this in real life - it's dish up everywhere I've lived, and I've lived in quite a few regions.

All the posts in which the posters disregard social conventions, family relationships, work politics, financial obligations or any possible repercussions and say something along the lines of "Tell your DH/boss/MiL/landlord/4yo nephew to fuck off". Yep, because people don't need to keep their job/home/marriage or maintain a good atmosphere at family gatherings or bite their tongue to keep the peace. Just tantrum your way through life. Fuck it.

Yea, cos your husband is the only person that cycles a bicycle

Phone 999

Jesus, those fuckin ducks!

Under his eye

Cherchez le femme

what is it?

'The male gaze'

'Internalised mysogyny'

Is this a thing? Cant be legitimate, if its not a thing then? I genuinely am confused by this innane phrase. Not passive aggressive, pretend confused, but really really confused.

The 'think' does my head in!

Use your words.

Same. I was wondering why the hell these mums would take photos of their kids sitting on a potty! Never seen that phrase until this thread.