Nightmare customers and general bat shittery - what are your stories?

I'll never forget my time there 50 years ago (can't believe I just typed that! when my Asst manager made me give a customer a refund because the wire in her (new)bra had poked through. Reasonable you think? The bra was grey. She had put a sticking plaster over the hole where the wire had come through and it was filthy. The padding was all out of shape where it had been through the washing machine countless times (hand wash only). She was absolutely immaculately dressed! I asked him what he wanted me to do with it and I was told to take it outside and shoot it! In those days the customer was (almost) always right.
We did tend to refuse the unopened underwear from at least 10 years previously that people found when clearing out their nearest and dearests' houses and thought they could bring back. (We didn't have a set time limit back then.)

I've been that annoying customer. Shops used to allow exchanges after the refund period had expired, but at some point they stopped allowing it. I hadn't realised, and had travelled really far in the hope of exchanging an item of clothing that was just a few days past refund period (pristine condition/never worn). They refused. I was so annoyed and tired I just said fine, you have it then, and left the item at the till. I still don't fully understand why they can't just exchange something that's still completely saleable, specially considering so many of these companies are pushing for sustainability.

Poor Buddy 🥺🥺🥺

That "owner" and friend are awful.

@AGodawfulsmallaffair this was about 25 years ago. Working the ferries was like working in the Wild West, some of the stuff that went on was mad, we had a great time though despite the constant batshittery.

I used to work for a small online gift company - flowers, fruit hampers, flowers etc. This was back in the early 2000s when the market wasn't quite so big.

One lady phoned to complain that the flowers we'd sent included "pink flowers".. she'd literally chosen the pink and white boquet but assumed we'd sent all white as it was for a man!

Another ordered a huge hamper of fruit then called to complain that there wasn't a box of chocolate with it - she was extremely rude, threatened my job unless I "got your lazy little arse down to Godiva now and send me the chocolate I expect... it's on your website, I've spent a lot of money, I expect chocolate". She didn't get any!

The man who phoned every day for a week to demand to know where his champagne was. Problem was he hadn't ordered any. Asked him for copy of order confirmation - he didn't have one. Asked him to show us relevant bit of his bank statement with transaction going through... he wouldn't. He simply insisted he'd ordered it and we had to supply it.... a week later he called and said "sorry I ordered it from someone else they've sent me a new one I'll use you in future"

Then there was the famous woman who ordered her friend some liquor chocolates... then phoned to complain that we'd sent her recovering alcoholic friend alcohol... turned out she didn't know what was in liquor chocolates and just thought they looked nice...

How I love working with the public. I was a city councillor for some years as well but that's a whole other post!! As a taster my phone rung at 9pm on Christmas Eve - I assumed it would by my mum but no it was a lady who wanted to talk about chemtrails.. she wanted me to write to the prime minister and take action to get them banned... I did write to the PM and his office wrote back saying they'd referred it to some department or other (probably environment) and it would be answered in due course... still waiting.. only been 15 years!!

I worked in a cafe when I was 15, (long time ago) and one day we had a customer who was determined to get shirty with us. He sent back his eggs on toast because instead of the standard two eggs on two slices of toast he’d been given.. dun dun duh three eggs! Shock, horror and also what sort of moron turns down extra food?!

Wow. My ds works for a ferry co and I’m fairly sure he’d have banned. I don’t think the loading staff would have let him on anyway- shocking.

My husband and I used to run a chimney sweeping business. One time I got a call demanding that we come out immediately. I refused, because it was 10.30pm, in November, and there was a howling gale outside (this chimney would have to be cleaned from the top, so no chance!).

I asked what the emergency was, and the customer said "Well, it's on fire, obviously!". She wasn't impressed with my suggestion that she call the fire brigade.

Hope you called the police instead, and the ferry company banned him.

@Auburngal I'd have rubbed his bloody nose in it and made him clean it up before I turfed him out! Too much love scent in the candles for him eh?! 🤣

My favourite was the one who phoned up to complain that her drink was served far to hot the previous day.
When I spoke to the café manager he knew exactly who she was. She was the one who the previous day had ordered a coffee and told him to put it in the microwave to 1 minutes because "he always served it too cold." He refused because that would clearly make it far too hot, but she went on and on, so eventually he went into the kitchen, and put a cup of water into the microwave for a minute, then came and told her he'd done what she wanted. 🤣

A slightly more sympathetic one was a lady who wanted to bring her dogs in. It was a no dogs except assistant dogs rule ( at least partially due to having someone with a severe allergy). She was asked not to, and walked off in a huff. I got a four page handwritten (in beautiful writing) complaint which boiled down to not being allowed to bring the dogs in when "she had been to a funeral earlier in the week."
To be totally fair, the café manager loved dogs and was also very soft-hearted, so if she'd told him, would probably have found her a corner even if it had meant asking the allergic staff member to take a break until she'd finished. But she didn't and four pages about her, her dog, and a funeral (sounds like a film!) was overkill.

Worked as a CS team leader for a bougie online furniture store which went bust a couple of years ago. Customer called up to request a refund, got very shouty and sweary. He was speaking to my colleague, who asked me to take the call as an escalation, which I did. He explained that he had already disassembled this super king-size bed fully, and wouldn't be repackaging it for collection.
I asked him to clarify his disassembly, as that bed was well known for arriving half-built and in very bulky packages.
It turned out that he had taken it upon himself to saw apart every individual panel, in such a way that it could never be repaired. He was appalled that I couldn't accept the refund.

The reason he was trying to return it, by the way, was because it was too small.

Think every DIY shop with bathroom displays and bathroom shops have at least one display toilet which has been used as a toilet! Thing is there’s no privacy and from what DIY shops are near me, always busy!!

About bodily fluids. My ex works at a different supermarket chain to me (wasn’t working at one then)

He was putting customers’ returns in the general merchandise section. Hears lots of sighing. Follows the noise and it was a man in his late 40s-early 50s wanking in front of the scented candles! He got managers and security to turf him out. No idea who cleaned up the mess

Eww @MooseBeTimeForSnow I can understand kids getting confused and doing that, in a way, but not adults! That's just gross! 🤢

I overheard a John Lewis sales lady tell another sales lady that someone had just tried returning a toilet brush which had been clearly used.

My SIL (a pain in the ass) ordered her son spaghetti bolognese and then complained it had tomato in it as her son was allergic. Ordered him some chips instead, which he covered in tomato sauce, but apparently were ‘different’.
she also orders him dairy free meals some places have had to make specially and then orders normal ice cream for pudding.

Ive worked in schools, not directly with the children, but support staff would come in to complain at me about the number of parents who wanted school to parent their children. One who had a new boyfriend and her children weren’t happy so she wanted someone to explain to them that she ‘had needs too’.

@MoonWoman69 well, if it’s anything like our local DIY stores, they use the floor display toilets regardless of the fact that they are not plumbed in …

woman comes up to the customer service desk with an opened, almost-fully-eaten box of different cheeses. The ones you get at Christmas. All that was left was about 2 inches of Brie. She said she wanted a refund because she ‘didn’t want it any more’ I was like (in my head) wtf? You’ve eaten almost the entire box and now you don’t want it??! I asked her if there was something wrong with the product, was it spoiled or something. Nope, she just didn’t want any more cheese.

I honestly could not be fucked arguing with her and in a way admired her gall. Refunded her and chucked the Brie in the bin.

I work in retail and have many stories,but my brother takes the piss

He's the narcissistic golden child of our narcissistic mother

She once bought an iron and left it on the side while she went to work

Narc brother needed a shirt ironing and as she wasn't around to do it for him,he ironed the bloody shirt himself

He was only wearing the bloody thing and burnt his right tit

After he'd called her back from work,and she'd raced him to a&e (holding his hand the whole time,as he was 26 at the time and needed his mummy) they stopped off at the shop she'd bought it from and had a go (screaming and shouting) at the poor retail worker for not warning him (it was her that bought it,not him so she couldn't have said anything even if she thought to warn him)

It's told as an amusing story on how bad retail workers are,not how utterly thick bro is

(Same idiot did the same thing but with a set of hair straighteners a week later-not his fault at all but mine for not warning him)

Wow. The owner's scum, and her friends no better😬

Wow. The owner's scum, and her friends no better😬

Oh @Georgyporky the shame! Easy mistake to make though!

@Auburngal Unbelievable isn't it?! 🤣

@Mrsm010918 The bodily fluids in a DIY store is slightly worrying! What the hell do they do? Wait for someone to go get them something, then think, "I know, while I'm stood here waiting, I'll just quickly knock one out by the MDF"?! 🤣

Oh! Just remembered another one! A woman caught her bag strap on one of the thin, tall gift card stands. She yanked at her bag as she walked into the main aisle and dragged the stand with her and it crashed to the floor, cards everywhere. Her bag strap broke and so she, complained, because " that stand shouldn't have been there"! Yes perhaps we should suspend them from the ceiling on some sort of pulley system for those who can't be arsed watching what they're doing! 🤣

I was once that customer !
I had a pair of salt & pepper grinders that had a lifetime guarantee. One of them broke.
I took them back to John Lewis - in the good old days when their Customer Service was 1st class. I was not rude, but firmly stated that I was disappointed that they sold inferior products. I was holding my JL card, expecting a refund.

Assistant went away, Manager appeared with a replacement pair. He then said he was sorry he could not give me a refund as they had never sold that particular design , but please accept these with his compliments as I was a regular customer.

I went scarlet, thanked him profusely & fled.