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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my neighbour is unreasonable?

36 replies

AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 14:57

Am I overthinking this?

Situation:

Shared fence in badly need of repair, think green algae, cracked rotten warped wood (18 years old). Next door neighbour gave the whole "well as long as you're paying for it." when approached about it. They haven't once mentioned putting any contributions to it, wouldn't replace it, it is patched up beyond repair at this point. They tried to tell us it was our fence when it blew down in a storm awhile back (even though before this they had happily painted it, and attached thing to it without asking). They didn't want to help dh put it back up. We checked the deeds, and it is shared. Suddenly the whole family have sore elbows when they're healthy the rest of the time, lay patio stones (they asked for our old ones etc, we gave them to them). Dh had to lift the whole thing back up on his own, it is metres long, reattach; they curtain twitched, watching. Dh knocked and told them he couldn't do the posts at they're on their side, and they would need to help. They begrudgingly cemented 2 posts back in.

We are getting it 3 foot higher, which they are also delighted with, even complaining about the old fence being so low.

The fencing company came out today, and the neighbour came straight out as soon as they got here, trying to get them to reattach their things back on to the new fence. She said she "had forgotten it was happening today and hadn't detached it yet." They have had loads of notice, and have been reminded many times. The first date was delayed, and she came bee-lining for us, saying she was scared we had changed our mind! Yesterday we cleared our garden, removwd privacy screens, which was asked them to move their stuff, as they have things all leaning the full way along the fence, and they haven't moved a single thing.

The neighbour was hovering around, you'd think they were paying for it! Even the fencing team seemed abit taken aback by it.

Anyway, I have just noticed the fencing company have kindly reattached their rotten little fence onto one of the new fence posts. I wanted to leave it laying on the ground.

They are scroungers, have probably more money than we do. Think, not bringing a contribution to a buffet, haggling type. One of my parents died, and some of the money they left is going towards it, which is causing me to be extra emotional about the whole thing.

AIBU? They have been so petty, uncooperative, and tbh bloody awkward from the start. It has made me petty. We paid for the entire thing, and they couldn't so much an move any of their stuff an inch away. One of the structures they have is pressed flat against the new fence frame, because the fencing company had literally build it with it there.

I realise there is nothing that can be done, it is shared, and are the mugs who have paid for it. Hopefully, the privacy will be worth it, as they've been an awkward presence in the garden for a long time, using what dh calls intimidation techniques. I won't go into those.

I think I just needed to rant more than anything. Thank you if you have had the patience to read this.

OP posts:
LadyCrumpet · 11/07/2024 15:24

The lovely lady from the fencing company even seemed annoyed for me, and told us to have the good side of the fence,

I hope you did that op.

FailBetter · 11/07/2024 15:24

If it's your "forever home"...
Tell them to detach the rotten fence.
Tell your neighbours they are not allowed to paint, attach things or creosote on their side (they sound like selfish sods who would and you end up with drips all on yours).
Unless you are thinking of selling up. In which case, silently seethe so as not to have to declare a neighbourly dispute.

AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:21

ToxicChristmas · 11/07/2024 15:15

It's done now, you have more privacy- breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy it!

Thank you, they are coming back to hammer on the boards tomorrow. I feel like going out covertly in the darkness of the night, and pushing their stuff away from the fence frame.

OP posts:
AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:19

FactoryResetNeeded · 11/07/2024 15:04

The boundary is shared, but you have paid for the fence. You do not have to accept them attaching things to, or painting, your fence.

Enjoy your new privacy, I’m sorry about the loss of your parent, I’m sure they would be happy for you to be able to sit in your garden in private though.

Thank you, I was very close to my df, and he always used to say "the fence could do with being a bit higher love." It felt right to do this, and we do like privacy. The lovely lady from the fencing company even seemed annoyed for me, and told us to have the good side of the fence, because they haven't moved any of the stuff right the way along, and that we are paying.

OP posts:
ToxicChristmas · 11/07/2024 15:15

It's done now, you have more privacy- breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy it!

AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:14

Oldraver · 11/07/2024 15:10

Agree with PP. The boundary may be shared but if you paid for the fence it is yours. They do not have the right to attach or paint

Thank you, I didn't know that at all. Do I leave the little fence attached, or get the fencing company to remove it? I'm not sure if my pettiness is worth the hassle.

I just feel like we are decent people, I try to be kind and considerate of others. It isn't in my nature to be petty, but this has caused something in me! Why can't we have a decent nbr like ourselves. I would have thought more of them if they had have at the very least, moved all of their things away to leave a gap for the work getting done. They haven't made anything easier, the company couldn't believe they hadn't moved it. They're getting a free fence that they do want.

OP posts:
AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:11

Sorry about my typos, I was on a very angry emotional rant, and edit timed out!

OP posts:
Oldraver · 11/07/2024 15:10

Agree with PP. The boundary may be shared but if you paid for the fence it is yours. They do not have the right to attach or paint

rwalker · 11/07/2024 15:05

They might genuinely not be arsed about having a fence and would remove it rather than replace

not wanting to twist the knife but you’ve fucked up
I would of put new fence next to old shitty one and left them to it the fence would of been completely yours on your land

they couldn’t paint it or attach anything to it

FactoryResetNeeded · 11/07/2024 15:04

The boundary is shared, but you have paid for the fence. You do not have to accept them attaching things to, or painting, your fence.

Enjoy your new privacy, I’m sorry about the loss of your parent, I’m sure they would be happy for you to be able to sit in your garden in private though.

Nannyfannybanny · 11/07/2024 15:03

Rant on! Similar situation for us. The fence was rotten, donkeys years old,big holes, always fell into our garden, causing damage to our plants, greenhouse.We put up a new one,(asked neighbours permission as unfortunately in deeds it's "theirs". )They have caused a lot of damage, don't want to say too much because it's "outing", but angry