AIBU: Needs Subtitles vs Hates Subtitles

You both need to prioritise your DD. She has a sensory processing disorder. She shouldn’t have to ask every time to have the subtitles on. This should be a given if she is watching something. That this has been going on for years makes my heart hurt. I would have long since been questioning my relationship with DH if he is that much of a nob.

Needs trump preference every time.

I need subtitles so my late partner put up with them. He needed the hallways kept clear and no coffee table (he'd trip over it) and bright lights due to his poor site despite me preferring the opposite. He got what he needed.

You might need to compromise in some areas if they have conflicting preferences but disability accommodation is not one of those areas. If he keeps shaming your daughter for needing help he is going to ruin her self esteem.

Can we just section of a part of the country and send all the men-children to live there together? They probably wouldn't last long but serves them right for not just growing the fuck up!

I have hearing loss and sometimes need subtitles. My DH will have a moan about it but I remind him that there is a difference between accessibility needs and personal preferences. And that usually shuts him up.

Even if you were prioritising your daughter, why would that be a bad thing?

He's a dick.
I'm sorry.

DD tries her best not to impose by asking for subtitles on things she knows DP likes more than she does.

This is a bit heartbreaking to read.

She's making herself less comfortable in order to make someone else comfortable, even though that person is mean to her and probably makes her feel shit about her additional needs.

Don't you worry that by tolerating this man you're teaching her that women should make themselves less comfortable in order for a man to be more comfortable, even when their needs are due to something as out of their control as autism, sensory processing disorder and ADHD?

This dynamic is setting her up to have unhealthy, unbalanced relationships herself as an adult.

Crikey. Of course you should (all) make the very small concession of having subtitles on so your DD can more easily understand what is going on. Does your DP think she is lying or that she doesn't need them or something? It seems totally wild that he can accept she needs them but expect her to go without them because he finds it inconvenient.

My instinct says that my DD’s need wins out, but then I wonder if perhaps I am prioritising DD without even realising it?

You're prioritising her because in this instance it's the right and fair thing to do.

Your DH sounds like a mean spirited dick to be honest.

I’ve also found out that on the other telly, DD’s TV in the spare room, he keeps changing the settings back to default as that is the one room in which she has the subtitles automatically turned on.

What a nasty, petty person.

He moaned about us having them on the other night when he wasn’t even watching the same show, he was heading to the other room to watch the football!

Presumably you asked him why he had an issue with them being on when he wasn't even watching it?! What was his answer?

It really came to a head when the other day, DD asked to turn the subtitles on and he stormed out of the room.

Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is this unkind and immature? Let alone when it's directed at your daughter.

Your DP sounds like an utter wanker. This is a reasonable adjustment for your DD's disability and one that really has little impact on him.