AIBU: Needs Subtitles vs Hates Subtitles

"D"P sounds like a t**t. He might find it a bit frustrating but this is about your DD being able to access the television properly. It is no disadvantage to him having them on but could be for your DD. His behaviour of turning off in spare room also is horrible, and your poor DD feeling she has to step on egg shells to dare to ask for subtitles so she can understand what is going on properly 😔 He will have to like it or lump it and his attitude sounds like a child and indicative of what he truly is like, he does not give a toss about anyone else, it is wider than just the issue in hand it seems. He does not have to make a big deal out of it. I feel particularly passionate about this, maybe because there is a number of people with hearing loss within my close family and so subtitles essential (or sometimes you just don't want it blaring out so can follow along with subs) and if anyone was causing such a fuss I would tell them where to go, as should you and your DD should with DP about this.

I think you are both already prioritising him and YABU to do that. Watching the thing he wants, DD not asking for the subtitles to not impose.

Yes, subtitles can be slightly distracting, but they are there to widen the access to the program to more people.

Sounds he has some other issue and just acts ridiculous about subtitles.

Could it be more that he is irritated by not getting to watch TV with you alone, since your daughter is an adult?

Maybe he think she should watch her own TV? (not saying he is right)

No idea how to vote here, but why are you letting this man inflict this low level abuse on your disabled daughter? He’s an utter dick and you need to step up.

It’s possible that he resents the fact that she’s still living with you despite being an adult… if so, such behaviours will probably escalate. End this NOW.
Preferably by kicking the twat out.

This isn't really about subtitles.
It's about him being an immature, resentful dick.

Of course you're going to put the needs of your child first.
If he still doesn't get that, he shouldn't be sharing a house with a family.

He actually alters her own TV settings, too!
Where does he get off?

I would be taking this very seriously, as a sign of possible more shitty things to come.

It sounds as though his abusive attitude and behaviour is already affecting your daughter.
Temper tantrum, complaining about reasonable adjustments, sneakily altering her TV, for absolutely no reason, other than to be a nasty bastard…
Fucking disgraceful.

Please don't doubt yourself and protect your daughter from this unpleasant man. From what you've said, I wouldn’t trust him around her.

I have different needs to your daughter in that I'm hearing impaired, but I've not yet met someone who thinks that their dislike of closed captioning outweighs my need* for it.

Technically, not a need as I wear hearing aids and I'm not severely hearing impaired but unless people are willing to listen a loud TV and the people don't have accents, I miss things without them. I only ask when the main activity is watching the TV as opposed to it just being something in the background.

He’s being a dick.

He can watch with them on, she can’t properly. Needs trump wants.

Is this symptomatic of a wider issue? You said they’ve never got on, and she’s in her 20s. Is she likely to stay at home for years yet? Do you think he fully realised her needs and the likelihood of her not moving out when he moved in?

I hate him. I'm amazed you don't. Shitty, bullying and petty behavior. How unattractive.

My mum always put her boyfriends needs before mine. She still believes I should put my husbands needs before my kids.

So from personal experience this is also upsetting to read 😔

Your DP sounds awful.

He has decided to have a pissing contest over something that your DD needs but is so minor to him. What an absolute arse.

You should prioritise your DD by getting rid of him. I'm sure everyone will be much happier and he will never have to tolerate a subtitle again.

Sorry OP but that is awful behavior on his part, your poor DD. I cant believe he actually turns off the subtitles on her TV in the spare room - that is really spiteful.

I use subtitles sometimes as I find my hearing isnt great so it helps me keep up with the story line. DH has never once mentioned it, he doesnt need them but know they help me so he wouldnt dream of complaining about it.

Its just really clear he doesnt care about your DD and that must be very hard.

We have the same dilemma in our household except both DC and DH are neurodiverse.

We have a negotiated settlement where subtitles are on for most things but the things DH really cares about (eg Dr Who) he will be allowed to watch without subtitles and if necessary DC and I watch again another day with subtitles on.

DH is the grownup and able to regulate his emotional reaction to having things not-quite-right. He does genuinely find subtitles distracting and upsetting but he also places DC needs above his own because that's what decent parents do.

I voted YABU - purely because it's her NEEDS v his WANTS.

It shouldn't even be a question, and why the hell is he altering her TV ? He sounds nasty. Why on earth are you living with him ?

Him changing the default settings on your daughter's own telly is spooky behaviour btw

Even before I opened the thread - the need trumps the want. So whoever needs subtitles has subtitles, even if someone doesn’t like them.

I really want to talk to DP about it, but I know he’s going to say that I always prioritise DD over him.
And why wouldn’t you? She’s your daughter.

This is so upsetting to read. Why the hell did you move this prick into your daughter's home when they never got along?

If your dd was deaf would he have a problem with it?

if not then why does it ok for one disability but not the other

I get a bit weary of certain disabilities not being seen as disabled enough or obviously not the right kind of disability.

i get it can be annoying and distracting for some people on some program's. In this house dp is ok 99% of the time but on certain things he asks can we turn it off for this and then it’s up to me if I decide I could try without.
like you’re dd I don’t have them on for everything as if the dialogue (very rare nowadays) is set loud enough compared to the rest of the soundtrack I don’t always need it

I am having to increasingly use them as my hearing is going (but as a by product of another disability so there is nothing physically wrong with it) iv had a couple of people annoyed at me too, I think probably because they don’t actually believe I need them because physically the loss is ok but not how my brain processes the sound now,
although they haven’t actually been brave enough to say that so they make me feel bad or unsociable because I’m using them.

well that’s fine but if I don’t I can’t follow certain things because the music or programs sounds means can’t hear or follow what the characters are saying.

I really want to talk to DP about it, but I know he’s going to say that I always prioritise DD over him

Well, yes. You should be prioritising her over him, very obviously. Tell him to grow up.

I really cannot imagine wanting to be with someone who treated my daughter like this.

a need to be full filled in order for someone to participate in the activity, v a personal preference which doesn't prevent someone participating in an activity?

I assume she’s likely to live with you long term? If so this needs a conversation: he can either fully accept that she needs subtitles and stop making an issue out of it, or he can move out.

Not sure which way we are voting

YABU if you were to pander to his preference.

YANBU for aiding her accessibility requirements.

I'm 100% team DD. I have an auditory and visual processing disorders and need subtitles in order to watch TV and follow what's happening. He's totally unreasonable to complain about it as she needs it.

I find subtitles really distracting, end up looking at them rather than what's going on on screen. Thought perhaps this was due to my own neurodiversity.

Thought this thread would be someone like me clashing with someone like your DD.

But no, it's some weird controlling thing! Complaining about subtitles when he's not actually watching the TV, and changing settings on a TV he's not using!! Pure controlling behaviour.

it has been ongoing for years but has come to the forefront over the last few weeks.

Have any of his other behaviours changed in any way recently?

Gosh agree with everyone else.

Why wouldn't you prioritise your daughter's disability?!

I'm also wondering what other areas of life he's complaining about and how this affects your daughter?