AIBU: Needs Subtitles vs Hates Subtitles

I feel really sorry for your daughter. The man sounds awful and I honestly can’t imagine keeping someone like that around. I think you need to re-assess your priorities.

Of course not. If she needs them she needs them, it goes without saying. But some subtitles are really bad.

Where did I even write that it justified his behaviour, stop making things up in your head.

my DH also hates subtitles.

Me and DS watch an American series on Netflix and always have the subtitles on. I like them on as I'm ND and get distracted by noises around me (DH's dogs mostly) so find the program easier to follow with subtitles. DS likes the subtitles as lots of the vocab is quite technical and he likes knowing what they're speaking about exactly.

What's ridiculous is my DH actually LOVES this program but outrightly refuses to watch it with us as the subtitles are on. Talk about cutting off his nose to spite his face!

@tvdilemma If your daughter is watching Netflix or similar, then can't she just use her own profile where it is then set to always show subtitles (like mine!), so there would be no need to switch them back on or off? Or she could watch on a tablet so the settings were always on?

I think you’re on the countdown to him admitting that he wants her to move out and for it to just be the two of you.

He’s going to start making digs about her leaving lights on next, or missing a crumb after making a sandwich. Or spending too long in the bath and using all the hot water.

If you want to keep him, you’re either going to have to start bullying her as much as he is, so he knows that he always comes first and his wants are far more important than her needs, or throw her out so he becomes the master of his own domain. And what a prize you will have won 🙄

If you don’t sit him down and make it very clear that your daughter will always come before him, irrespective of whether she’s 2, 22 or 52, then you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself when he turns the bullying behaviour on you and your daughter doesn’t want to know you.

Green subtitles would justify this man's behaviour, in your opinion?

What kind of subtitles are they? Like the normal white ones, or sometimes you get green big letters which truly are annoying tbf..

I am beyond shocked that this dynamic has been allowed to continue. Knowlingly seeing your DD 'muddling' along with someone, be this person her dad or not, is just a no-no for me.
Having had a mother who thought her current DHs needs were greater than mine was so distressing, and I was younger than your DD. Suffice to say, I left 'home' as soon as I could, and was pretty much nc until she died.

I would say that the absolute baseline of being a good person is to want to help out others who need support. I just cannot fathom any decent human being complaining about something that has so little impact on them but such a positive impact on someone with disabilities?
Also 'you prioritising DD over me' that's what every parent should do, surely? Prioritise their child's needs over a partners wants? Concerning that he doesn't understand something so basic!

He's being an arse. And an ablist arse at that.

I have hearing loss and definitely need the subtitles. It has never been an issue for my partner. You husband is being selfish.

Well of course you're prioritising your dd. Quite rightly so.

You absolutely must prioritise your child over your boyfriend. How can you doubt this? I find that quite shocking.
Get the man away from your child, he has no right resenting her and should have been dumped long ago. Being resented and bullied by some bloke in her home is going to have damaged her.

He's being an arsehole. An even bigger, shittier arsehole when he's not even interested in the program.

I need subtitles as I struggle to hear some frequencies, mostly affecting deep male voices. I miss so much less because of them. I only turn them off when they're particularly bad live ones which are out of sync with the speech as those ones are sometimes more distracting than helpful for me.

Tell this arsehole to get over himself.

Yea its distracting at first but tough shit. Your DD needs the subtitles, he'd prefer they weren't on, so it's a total no brainer.

Imagine your DD told you her DP doesn't let her have subtitles on in their own home, what would your reaction be?

I don't love subtitles but if someone else wanted or needed them that's cool because I'm not a dick

I really want to talk to DP about it, but I know he’s going to say that I always prioritise DD over him.

Of course your DD is your priority. She should always be your top priority. Being in a relationship with someone with a child means you will always come second to that child. That's how it should be, and if he can't accept that then he shouldn't be in such a relationship.

I don't think this is about the subtitles at all. I think he feels resentful that he's not your number one priority, and he's essentially throwing all his toys out the pram over it. He's being stubborn and immature. He's making you feel that you should be picking him over your DD. Disgusting behaviour.

Your DD’s need trumps his preference. Every time.

I have partial hearing and need subtitles on at all times, yes they can sometimes be annoying to my husband when it's live programmes as they don't keep up with the speech being said obviously. However, he puts up with it so we can both enjoy the programme as otherwise I can't hear it properly. Your husband is being a dick.

To be honest I find it extremely difficult to watch tv with subtitles as I find it very distracting and I struggle to concentrate on the programme.

But if I had a family member with a disability which needed them, I would either just deal with it, do something else or just go to watch in a different room (if it is something I really wanted to watch)

Yeah your husband is a dick. I grew up in a deaf household so subtitles were always on. I'm not hard of hearing at all but I still have them on now. My husband would never dream of telling me to turn them off and if I had a disability that made me need them he'd be making sure they were always on. You are right to put your DD first. Your husband needs to piss off and grow up

OP, your partner is a being a complete dick as others have stated. Borderline abusive. Please continue prioritising your daughters needs and remind her that's it's okay to ask for them.

I think what DinnaeFashYersel says above is the perfect thing to say to say to him.

I can't watch without subtitles and everyone watches with. Why is he making such a big deal?

Surely reasonable (and minor) adjustments for someone with a disability, for something that they need so that they can participate and understand tv, trumps someone 'finding it annoying'.

I'm surprised you even asking the question to be honest, it's not about who the person I'd or the fact she is your daughter and he is your partner. It's about doing the right thing to try and help someone who needs it.

He sounds horrible and I can see why they've never got along if this is how he treats her in general

You should be prioritising your daughter. If her doesn't get that then maybe he's not the best partner

The subtitles are an accessibility need. I don't like having subtitles on but I'd never complain if it meant someone couldn't enjoy the show. I'd just have to get used to it.

I can't imagine this is JUST about subtitles, though. You said your partner would likely say you always prioritise DD over him. Are there other areas where DP needs to compromise for the sake of your DD's and he feels resentful? Are subtitles just the outlet that he's fixated on? Not saying that excuses it, of course there are compromises to be made in life when you're supporting a child with additional needs but

Purely on subtitles, though, he's being ridiculous.