MIL said I'm selfish with the baby

Tbh I wouldn't even try to accommodate her like this. She seems like the 'give her an inch and she'll take a mile' type. And DP has demonstrated he'll be no use if the shit hits the fan later on. I think OP should maintain the good boundaries she has in place.

Agree. Silence might make them realise how daft they're being.

Absolutely - seems to be a thing just lately

I used to see my in laws during maternity leave with DD a lot but there were comments that I overfeed bf milk to my baby, that the house should be cleaner, that baby should be able to settle themselves.

Now with DS I don't make that effort. If DH has time- in laws see the kids. If he is busy working etc. they don't.

I realised the more effort I've put, the more expectations there were. And silly comments .

She's deranged. And selfish. Good grief!

Do not alter your work patterns to suit your MIL. That is completely crazy. How can she even ask you! Sounds like you have more convenient childcare options closer to home, so use those. Visit as a family. Have them over now and then. Job done.

She's not interested in helping she wants to play with the baby which is fine but that's for her to arrange with your DH, not on your days off, and not as childcare that you have to organise or cover.

Could she possibly take your DC out of nursery once in a while for a treat day or afternoon with Nana? You'd still be paying for the day but wouldn't be left in the lerch or have to organise around her and she won't be able to claim she doing you a massive favour

She's being ridiculous. It's your baby!

This.

Do not I Repeat NOT do anything to accomdate your MILs demands . Let your partner do that.

unless of course he’s changed his work patterns for your family members.

you are not even married , just STOP doing all this wife work .

Yes absolutely - all this fandango for the MIL benefit, not for you or the baby. Plus veiled threats about “well when you split up…”. What a crock!

love it

Nobody has the right to insist on you giving up precious time with your little one. I would shut her down altogether - especially after her nasty comment about you splitting up! None of this would be an issue if your DP supported you as he's supposed to. Bin him.

Don't be scared to set boundaries, you're completely within your right to say no.

Family entitlement is a joke, blood doesn't make you family and neither does 'in law'. You pick your village and if people don't agree with your parenting choices then... bye!

Bunker down, you will ruffle feathers, better to do it now whilst your LO is young and has no idea these people are letting them/you down.

You've got this x

Yes to this.

My MIL wanted to "help" a lot, but in spite of repeated offers, you could tell it wasn't genuine, because she would happily hand the baby back immediately whenever he grunted out a poo, or eat her lunch sloooowly whilst one of us was settling the baby.

She even looked after him one KIT day in the afternoon, and I came downstairs to an absolutely colossal wet nappy.

Whereas a friend saw him do poo-face just as she joined us for lunch, and immediately offered to take him off to change and sang/played with him to give us a break.

(I'm not saying MIL has to care for him, but if you offer to help, it looks like what my friend did!)

What is your MIL when she's actually with your baby?

Dont give this so much headspace. Your MIL has absolutely no rights over your baby.
just say “no thank you, on fridays shes with me, and if we were to split up then we would sort something out between the two of us. Its not really appropriate to discuss further”

Just kill with kindness and deep breaths. ‘Whenever she wants to pop over she can, we’ll be in the house’

Your DH is not supporting you here. His mother has no rights to your baby for a whole day alone. You also can’t drive 2 hours every week. He clearly doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a mother, and his mother has obviously forgot what it’s like to have young children. You want to soak your baby up on your day off, of course you do.

I would never allow it. And my husband would never expect it.

Stand your ground. Say ‘unfortunately that doesn’t work for me, what about having her once a month as I mentioned’.

Let your mil come to your house on your joint day off ,you are then in control of the situation,for a mil or anyone else to say you are selfish with your baby....erm....in my estimation that actually works in reverse,it tells me loud and clear that you are totally devoted to your baby,and all your kids,so keep on being who you are,she's your baby,not your mils.

Because I usually meet them halfway, my LO has only been to their house a few times!

I'd stop meeting them halfway.

Let them see the reality of making that drive.

I bet she will expect you to drop the baby off to them in due course.

Wow she wants your baby to be in a car 4+ hours for what exactly? If she was a good granny she would make the drive over and then enjoy baby in their own space. Your dp has a damn cheek to even ask this of you, he's clearly putting her first over the baby! He's not even around to parent properly and thinks he then has a say over your time.

A big fat no. Don't be afraid to upset people when it comes to your baby's best interests op.
She had her turn with her children, YOU DO NOT OWE HER THIS!!!

Who cares what she thinks of you? She sounds really awful and I would not be making this a problem for yourself. Say no and leave it at that.

If you had a years supply of chocolate and gave her none then you’d be being selfish with the chocolate.

A baby, however, isn’t a treat, there for others enjoyment. They are a developing human and any decisions about care should be about the baby’s needs within what is possible. Having one to one time with their mum is important. MIL is being selfish to put her desires over your baby’s needs.

@Badermigee 16 posts in.
Just…why? We can all see it.

I am suspecting the united front is not going to happen.

This is your time OP. I already think you have been way too accommodating given how rude and titled she has been towards you by offering for her to have one day a month on the day you have given up at work specifically to spend time with your baby.

You are the mum. Not her. She’s had her time . It’s your turn now. Who does she think she is?! And to bring up the possibility of you splitting up with your husband is just horrible and almost seems like she’s hoping for that to happen.

If you give an inch she will take a mile. I know because I have been through this exact scenario with my mil. My earliest memories of first time motherhood are tainted by what she put me through and the strain it put on my relationship. You need to double down, be firm with her, not passive and put on a united front with your husband.

Selfishness implies your baby is something to be shared. She isn't, she's yours and your DHs. She can do one, it amazes me how entitled to grand children some become!