MIL said I'm selfish with the baby

Honestly, please don’t back down on this for anybody. You will never get this previous one day a week back. It’s yours and your babies day! So stand your ground, and how dare she call you selfish!!!

Worryingly, as I have two boys, boy mums literally go insane when faced with daughter in laws and grandchildren in my experience (two mother in laws). I don’t understand it and I pray to god I remember their utterly bat shit behaviour and never ever treat my daughter in law in the same way.

your baby is your baby. There is ‘being selfish’ with your own baby. Enjoy them while they are little because as you know it bloody well flies by. Don’t give up time you have carved out for yourself to a grandparent!!!

My goodness, you are so in the right and your DP and MIL are so in the wrong.

outlaws 😂Im crying!😂

I'd be feeling uneasy with my infant age child being 2 hours away. That would be enough for me to "thank you, but no". She is welcome to come over to spend time with her or take her out for a couple of hours.
As she gets older it will be more beneficial for everyone, but as she's so small, it seems uncomfortable for her to be so far away from home.

I think you need to relocate to New Zealand with outlaws like that.

Exactly. That's the last thing she should say. She needs to say a big fat NO. Make it crystal clear who is the mum, who is in charge. And the DP can deal with the fall out.

She sounds absolutely horrendous.
Her statement about you splitting is plain nasty.
I certainly hope you won't move near this awful women and consider the lives of your older children.

He sounds awful, shit partner, shit father, with a shit mother to boot.

What a shower.
Stop trying to placate such an awful woman who is hovering waiting for you to split up so she can swoop in.

Why should she say she's sorry?

There are no grandparents' rights in law. Grandparents can seek to get a court order for access, but have to go through mediation first. This last is where eg their son has died and his widow refuses access; or post divorce, similar.

agree with that, it's a shocking thing to say. She's already arguing over contact time as if she sees this as something that is definitely happening and I agree that she's staking a claim. It is her attempt to make sure that you absolutely do "get used to it", as if she sees your child as her property.
It would make me withdraw from all attempts to "smooth" things over or make any concessions.
Carry on organising your schedule in a way that makes sense for you and your child.
Why should you take a pay cut to have a day to yourself with your baby so that she can take over that time? and as for your baby having long commutes to her house and back on that day, it would be a firm no.
I would be very fed up with a DP, who was actively ignoring the practicalities of of the situation and and your wishes to spend your day off with your child in and putting his mother's demands first.
She has had her time bringing up a family. She doesn't get to dictate your time.

'My MIL has also said that if DP and I were to split up I would have to relinquish time with LO and “get used to it”. We have previously been on the rocks but have been trying to work things out, so I’ve found this a bit hurtful.'

I would find that more than a bit hurtful OP. So she is speculating on how she could get her own way if her baby grandchild's family broke down? I felt rather sick reading that. Is she really a person you want your baby to be around (any more than necessary)?

Never move from your area, if your partner kicks up a stink ask him how he thought you'd be fine with making your older children leave their established home and make it more difficult to see their father.
He made the choice to have a baby with you, knowing you are settled there.
That's his problem.

I agree with @Aquarius that you should step back and just inform your partner that her offer of help isn't helpful and will make your schedule more difficult, so it's an obvious no-go, makes no sense and he's welcome to facilitate other visits if his mother doesn't want to come down weekends.

That's a very reasonable message.

That's so awful. Sorry for your loss x

Dont have her in your house unattended, I did when dh was end of life and she was mooching all through my personal belongings. It makes me feel violated.

I don't even have my MIL's phone number. Nor does she have mine. We get on fine but it's not my relationship to have. It's her and my DH and I have no interest in expanding that.

Put your boundaries in early and stick to them. Your baby, your rules, and nobody gets in between you and your children.

If she's that desperate she can get a cat.

I find it bizarre that some relatives think that once you have children they can start bossing you around and telling you how to structure your life. She's not a frail old lady as she's working. I never got this from relatives who just offered help when they were free. They lived some distance from us and just had the children when they were over overnight, otherwise if we visited we visited as a family.
When our children have babies when I'm not working I'll offer to help but as they live some distance from us the help we'll be able to give will be limited. If I want to see the children I would expect to do most of the travelling.
If MIL wants to see the baby when it's convenient for everyone she can travel over. Her grandchild is not a new toy. Given how unpleasant she's been I'd not be wanting her around me or the baby until she's given her head a wobble and stopped being so silly. Working grandparents who live some distance away don't see their grandchildren often unless they make a lot of effort. My grandparents also lived some distance from us and we saw them about every 3 months and always with our parents although I did live with my grandparents for a few months when older.
She has to realise that the long term relationship with you and her son is more important than making everyone run around after her and resenting her.

MIL needs to find peace in your decision respectfully, if she cant compromise then its her issue, so make one with secure boundaries and don't waver.

🤣🤣🤣👏🏻

I would not be communicating at all with anyone who was that unpleasant to me.

How nasty. Don’t let her set foot in your house that you own. Remind her that you are home owner not her ds.

My MIL has also said that if DP and I were to split up I would have to relinquish time with LO and “get used to it”.

I would have instantly retracted the 1 day per month offer and told her she can see the baby when her DP has time to visit her with baby.

It's your baby, and those are your precious days. Her saying something like this is horrendous.

WTAF - that's crazy behaviour from her. She should be happy with once a month!

@cj2796 I think that's fine. but it's been rebuffed. My version was re what to say to your DH. Then he can get on with arguing with her.