MIL said I'm selfish with the baby

"My MIL has also said that if DP and I were to split up I would have to relinquish time with LO and “get used to it”. We have previously been on the rocks but have been trying to work things out, so I’ve found this a bit hurtful."

Good Lord, this alone would infuriate me.

Shes not thinking of her grandchild, she's thinking of herself.

I wouldn't rearrange your week and I wouldn't change childcare arrangements. In the circumstances where you are working and doing the majority of the care you don't need to add long journeys to suit her.
She can call it at weekends if that is convenient to you.

“Hi Sarah

DH has explained that you’d like some time with Rosie which is lovely. As you know I don’t work on Fridays and can’t change this so Fridays don’t work at all but if you’d like to see her every other Wednesday that would work. I’d suggest logistically it will be best if you pick her up from nursery at about 11am which will give you time to drive down to us and then you can drop her off back home once we are back from work at 6pm.
Lovely idea. Let me know if it would be easier just to do the first Wednesday of every month.”

@cj2796 also if you call her MIL when you're not actually married, it's rather confusing.

“I am not changing my work days or driving 2 hours to drop my baby off at your selfish twat of a mother’s house. That is insane” and repeat

Bloody hell .. tell your dp to grow a pair and back you up! This is your baby, not your mil’s!

My mil actually cried in front of me when I wouldn’t allow my few weeks old baby to sleep over at her house .. crying “this is not what I though it would be like” 🙄 ffs, she had her own kids and sent them to her mothers, and in laws every weekend, Friday to Sunday! Expected me to do the same! Jog on!

You're allowed to be "selfish' with your own baby. Normally it's called being a good mother. Sounds as if you're being eminently reasonable. You've explained,- don't waste your breath or worry about it any more.

@cj2796 you have older children and weekends are busy.

Why not suggest that MIL comes at weekends when she can spend time with DP and the baby? I'm guessing that MIL doesn't have other grandchildren so this could be a really good compromise. Also means baby doesn't have to travel

My God she sounds utterly selfish. The main concern should be what is best for baby, not what she wants. The fact that you even offered one day a month - which I think is super generous of you when you had yourself wanted that weekly day with your baby - and then she didn't gratefully accept this, tells you who she really is as a person. She'd rather focus on being stroppy for not getting something she wanted than to actually be happy to have that time with her grandchild. And then they are even 2 hours away!!! Her entitlement is beyond belief. I'd keep her at arms length now after being treated like that.

Of course you want to spend your day off with your baby and I think you were generous in offering once a month!
If she's that bothered, tell her to swap her work days around. I'd be having words with your partner too!

She seems pretty selfish putting her wants over the baby's needing time with its mother and siblings ...

Sounds like you've been accommodating as it is, just remain firm and calm repeating your point of view.

And no, her wants wouldn't be taken into account if you and your H split ...

Stop worrying about causing a rift and do what is right for your baby, which is spending time with you.

Wtf would you miss out on your own baby at the behest of a lunatic? Stick to your guns if not for you, then for your daughters sake

If your dp backs her, do split up. He's not there for you anyway and no one is giving away custody of a little baby so mil will be sorely disappointed

As you've already been through one split with children, you know that Grandparents generally don't get considered in custody arrangements and therefore any time she wants to see the baby would be on his time.

There's a ton of replies you could give and would probably like to give but she sounds like someone who wouldn't take any notice of them anyway. I'd tell your Partner that her request doesn't work and he needs to tell her this and you won't be arranging your entire life for her. I wouldn't engage in any more conversations with her about this and ignore any messages relating to this.

So do you have to take the baby to her - 2hrs away? She doesn't come to your house to look after the baby?

So does she expect you to take the baby to her (2 hours each way)?!

This is infuriating to read! But to keep the peace I’d say something about how precious your time is with baby, it’s most likely your last baby (if it is) so you want to make the most of this, and that their siblings also need time with her. Can your MIL not spend time with you all together at the weekend? Why does she need alone time?

Do not change the days. It’s your baby, not her.

Tell her to get a grip.

I’m a granny to a 6mth old who we live 3hrs away from. There is no way on this earth that I would expect my DDIL to give up a day with him so that I can have him, every week. How utterly ridiculous. I’ve brought my children up, one is now a dad, hence why I’m a granny, it’s their turn now.

Your DP should be supporting you on this. Stand firm on it and keep saying “no, it doesn’t work for me.” Besides it’s not fair to make the baby sit in the car for 4 hours every week.

Posts like this give me the rage.
Tell mil to do one and tell dh he can facilitate MIL seeing baby on his days off. With MIL doing the travel. Fucking ridiculous to drag a baby on an unnecessary 2 hour journey (4 hours in a day?! They aren't even meant to be in their car seat that long). Just no. Shut it down.

Your boyfriend is free to change his working hours to accommodate his mother. But his main priority should be doing some actual parenting and partnering for a change.

Leave contact with your boyfriends mother for him to deal with.

Of course you can be selfish with your own baby; it's your own baby!

Stand your ground. They are nuts.

Why is it on you to work your schedule out around mil? If she’s that desperate can’t she work hers around you, get a different day off and commit to a diff day a week, saving you nursery costs (if she is reliable) though not sure how the 2hour drive each way each week would be practical?!

its also not great that your partner is backing her not you and can’t see how unreasonable a request this is for you.

you are not being unreasonable, you do what’s best for you, can’t stand it when other people put their problems on you and expect that you will bend over backwards to suit them to the detriment of your own wishes (you in the general sense 😊)

She's being ridiculous. She's not even close to you - 2 hours away!

She needs to change her day off if she actually wants to help. Otherwise taking time away from you and your baby.