Friends with money

Broaden your social circle to include other people from other backgrounds. If you raise your children in a bubble of affluence where you are at the lowest level, you're going to encounter this time and again. Branch out so your child can meet fun happy people who are living good lives without serious or lots of money.

I think as parents we are responsible for teaching gratefulness, for shaping their character. Have you explained why envy is fruitless and self destructive? Do you model this attitude? Or are you and/or DH also commenting on how nice/luxurious/OTT the other house is, does he overhear you wishing you were wealthier?

I'd tell him the other house is lovely, agree it would be great to holiday there. Don't say you don't have enough money or they're silly to splash out, say something neutral but honest eg you think it's a bit bigger than you need, maybe you'll get somewhere like that if you go away in a big family group or with friends?

My 9 yea old loves going to a friends’ house because he has a ds instead of an x box and they always get a certain type of crisps. When I say well s ask him over and get those crisps he says he doesn’t like them at home as much so it’s something we’ll never win!! I’d honestly not get too worried about it, I’d frame it more in a ‘everyone has different homes and holidays’ so he doesn’t get into the ‘they’re so rich’ thing

We have to put him in private so he's not with his older brother who's in the public. No other option.

Our son's best mate since the cradle was the "rich kid," and our son spent loads of time with his family (and vice versa). There was the occasional moan such as "why don't we have a holiday house in Norfolk," but it was easy enough to explain that different families can have different amounts of money available for this stuff.

Meh. There's always going to be someone with more than you and some with less 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm more worried about your 6yr old drinking coffee tbh!

That would be the risk / trade off of having to tell it like it is. A choice between making your children happier through understanding, or not allowing them the understanding as it risks upsetting the others if repeated out of context.

My mother wouldn't have given the latter a second thought, if she knew what she was telling us was true.

I’m not really sure why you lashed out. As you’ve just said the same as everyone else. Yes children notice things but they are not money obsessed or hungry. There is a difference.

People saying he won’t understand at 6 are absolutely clueless. My three year old notices disparities between his nursery friends and our household and often makes comments. ‘X has this and a X’ Sorry but I can’t give you any advice these conversations are hard

Also my parents were never that good at guiding me re money/career etc when I was a teen. They always told me money doesn't matter. I wish they didn't. Money does matter when you don't have enough!

Would you not be worried they’d repeat that to the friends?!

I might feel the same if I came to your house OP. It's all relative.

You’re “genuinely confused” (🙄 such a passive-aggressive phrase) how my answering the OP’s concern by describing my experience from the opposite side of my kids not noticing material discrepancies might help OP not worry?? I’m “genuinely confused” about why that’s hard to understand.

NB I’m not really confused, I’m perfectly well aware that it was a passive-aggressive dig at me.

Your son is so little. Of course he likes the fancy place. Everybody likes the fancy place.
I think I was in my twenties before I figured out that there would always be someone more wealthy, more successful, more powerful, more intelligent, more beautiful, and more lucky than I was.
I might’ve been a slow learner, but you know what? It took an enormous amount of pressure off me because I was sooo far from being the richest, most beautiful intelligent girl. lol

It’s funny how all these parents worried about ‘diversity’ still put their kids in private school.

Other kids are not there to round out private school kids.

How did your context help OP? Not having a go, genuinely confused.

That was my first thought too.

I think it's good to introduce power and privilege in age appropriate ways as children grow but at six I'd focus on conversations about his values and process and never mention material possessions or outcomes. The aim being to nurture a strong sense of being good enough as I am and not needing to strive to be or have anything external to make me feel OK.

My Bil is filthy rich and his family always go on wild holidays like safari or Japan or whatever. I've tried to explain to my DS that we just can't afford more than a week away in Greece per year because we just don't have that kind of money. He told me maybe I should try to get it from the bank😁🙃..

My DS 11 has friends who lives in council estates AND friends with big houses with pool etc. Well, he wanted us to move to the council estate because all those kids have friends nearby and can just pop over to see them😀..

I am quite worried at the lack of diversity in secondary though as he will go from public to private...

This is why most people tend to move in the same socio-economic groups.

I agree with those that say it is odd to go on holiday with people and stay in very different accommodation. In our friendship group where there is a divide in income we either all stay in the cheaper accommodation or the wealthier people pay more so we all stay the same (if they want to, no pressure). I don’t think I would take my child on a holiday where they would automatically feel like the “poor” relations.

I think a mix of showing the kids dire poverty and getting them to understand that hard work beats being given fortunes from distant relatives will do it.

I agree with PP there is a lot of projection going on here.

He probably loved the fact the big house had a football table, or a pool. Have you asked him what exactly he liked about it? If he says because it was bigger, the obvious answer is “so what?” He’s six. He’s not been admiring the floor tiles, beams and fireplaces has he?

Unless all that coffee has really affected him 😂

seeing friends for coffees

At the age of 6?!

Unless I've misunderstood and it's you you're talking about "seeing friends for coffees".

I've never seen a child of 6 being given coffee, and I'm talking as a mum of an adult now.

Anyway, sorry for derailing your thread OP.

We are a typical middle class family, my daughter is 11 and her BFF who she has been friends with since she was 2 is super rich, completely polls apart and whilst we can’t afford 5 holidays a year, there relationship is so precious as we both do different things with the girls and if something was too expensive then I would be able to say to the BFF’s mum I can’t afford that.
In fact in the last couple of years their business has done exceptionally well and has been mentioned in both the national & international press and the as it does these things get out and what is sad, is that the kids are embarrassed by their parents wealth and apart from a couple of friends actively avoid inviting friends over to their house because it’s so different to their peers. My daughter loves going for a swim in their pool and hanging out there but equally the girls are happy to go to the local swimming pool and hang out at are house.