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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you've gone through your autistic DH's unmasking process...

81 replies

WetBBQPants · 11/07/2024 06:27

and if so, what behaviours, attitudes, narratives did you notice? Did it change things for you, as in feeling you hadn't married the person you thought you had?

OP posts:
Duckingella · 11/07/2024 07:55

I know him inside out. He hasn't learned anything about me, understood my priorities, compromised. And he's grown ever more cemented in his ways!

This really hits home;you're describing my DH

geumsandpeonies · 11/07/2024 07:45

Oh good god you are all describing my DH here…

KeirSpoutsTwaddle · 11/07/2024 07:43

Ooh, interesting. I'm not sure. For me it's been more like, waiting for him to grow into certain behaviours that never did develop. To become more confident about certain things, more skilled with practice.

Relationships- we expect to get to know each other better with time.
I know him inside out. He hasn't learned anything about me, understood my priorities, compromised. And he's grown ever more cemented in his ways!

Though he's less restrictive in his eating at home these days.

AncientBallerina · 11/07/2024 07:32

Yes but I was young and had no idea what was going on. Took years to work it out. The main thing was, it’s hard to describe, it became clear that he saw himself as a separate entity and me (and now our kids) as kind of the background to our his life. Except of course when it suits him to join in.

DilemmaDelilah · 11/07/2024 07:30

It's the other way round for us. I am the autistic one, but didn't know until about 2 years ago. Obviously I can't tell you exactly how he feels, but he does say it explains a lot.

HamBagelNoCheese · 11/07/2024 07:25

Yes! I think he was the last person to realise he's probably autistic (he doesn't feel the need to pursue a diagnosis), but going through the process with our son made the penny drop. I'm not sure if it's an unmasking thing, or just a being together for almost 20 years thing, or just an im noticing them more thing, but there are certainly things going on that irritate me enough that I wouldn't have tolerated them in the earlier days. Not bad things, but persistent, low level annoyances.