Page 3 | To expect husband to contribute more to the trip

Anuta77 · 2024-07-11T03:56:04+00:00

We rarely go on vacation because we have a lot of expenses. DH needs to go to a professional conference in an interesting city in another country. He has to pay the conference fees (he needs to go to get points to stay in his professional organization), and obviously accomodation, car rental, etc. He suggested that I go with him, so we have a vacation without the kids. Im totally fine with paying for my plane ticket and half for car rental and accomodation, however I realize that by coming with him, hes saving compared to going alone and he will be able to write down these expenses in his tax report. Not me. Somewhere deep down, I feel that he could contribute more to this so called `vacation`. It isnt really a convenient moment for me, its not my first choice for a destination and I have to make arrangements for the kids which is really stressful for me. AIBU?

Ponderingwindow · 11/07/2024 05:44

If the trip is coming from the common account and you don’t join him, aren’t you still paying half of his travel expenses?

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 11/07/2024 05:41

Are you putting in 50/50 into the joint account despite him earning more? What goes in needs to be based on your income, so 70-30 as an example is he out earns you.
yes I know how much is in my dh’s accounts hobby account and pension.

crumblingschools · 11/07/2024 05:41

If he earns more than you he should be putting more in the joint account, not 50:50. Usual way is you have equal personal spends but split bills according to income

Coffeerum · 11/07/2024 05:37

Anuta77 · 11/07/2024 05:35

We put money into the joint account 50-50. So whatever hes adding is for his own expenses and me, for mine.

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What’s the point of a joint account?
Surely this issue sound who pays for what has come up before since you’re married and have children? How do determine what is a personal expense and what isn’t?

Original poster

Anuta77 · 11/07/2024 05:36

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/07/2024 05:29

All the expenses are coming out from the common account.

I'm so confused. What's wrong with this? Are the personal accounts much bigger and unbalanced in his favour?

I dont know how much he has in his personal account. Do other spouses check each others personal accounts? I only know what we put and that is half half. He makes somewhat more than me.

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Original poster

Anuta77 · 11/07/2024 05:35

Coffeerum · 11/07/2024 05:32

I don’t really get the drama, it just sounds like you don’t want to go, things like “making arrangements for the kids” being stressful just sounds like a weak excuse.
If you want to go then go, if you don’t then don’t. If you have a joint account surely this just comes out of that? Unless you split every expense down the middle from personal money usually?
He’s hardly making a profit by adding more expense to the joint account if you and the kids go, I don’t understand your thinking there.

We put money into the joint account 50-50. So whatever hes adding is for his own expenses and me, for mine.

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Coffeerum · 11/07/2024 05:32

I don’t really get the drama, it just sounds like you don’t want to go, things like “making arrangements for the kids” being stressful just sounds like a weak excuse.
If you want to go then go, if you don’t then don’t. If you have a joint account surely this just comes out of that? Unless you split every expense down the middle from personal money usually?
He’s hardly making a profit by adding more expense to the joint account if you and the kids go, I don’t understand your thinking there.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/07/2024 05:29

All the expenses are coming out from the common account.

I'm so confused. What's wrong with this? Are the personal accounts much bigger and unbalanced in his favour?

Original poster

Anuta77 · 11/07/2024 05:27

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 11/07/2024 05:24

I the real crux of the matter that the money just isn’t there? Be in the joint account or your individual account or his account money is tight due to bills?

We have enough for this, its not luxury by any means and he needs it for his professional organization which helps him bring clients. Obviously, will have to be more frugal afterwards.

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CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 11/07/2024 05:24

I the real crux of the matter that the money just isn’t there? Be in the joint account or your individual account or his account money is tight due to bills?

Original poster

Anuta77 · 11/07/2024 05:14

Asparename · 11/07/2024 05:11

Our money is joint so it would come out of our joint account but i wouldn’t be paying for accommodation or car hire as those amounts would be the same if I was there or not. Only expense would be cost of flights and food.

Thats what Im thinking he should have proposed. Unfortunately, he never proposes to invite me unless its my birthday or mothers day.

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Original poster

Anuta77 · 11/07/2024 05:13

Codlingmoths · 11/07/2024 05:05

‘Sure honey, could you make arrangements for the kids’? My Dh and I do not only get out because I’ve arranged someone to look after the kids, why can’t he?!

is there a deeper issue that you carry everyone all the time so have a heavier load, or that you have separate finances so it sucks that you’re paying more than him for this vacation he is dictating? Tell him you’ll come if he books and pays a nice dinner, there’s no tax write off for you in this.

We have a common account and personal accounts. All the expenses are coming out from the common account.

OP posts:

Asparename · 11/07/2024 05:11

Our money is joint so it would come out of our joint account but i wouldn’t be paying for accommodation or car hire as those amounts would be the same if I was there or not. Only expense would be cost of flights and food.

Codlingmoths · 11/07/2024 05:05

‘Sure honey, could you make arrangements for the kids’? My Dh and I do not only get out because I’ve arranged someone to look after the kids, why can’t he?!

is there a deeper issue that you carry everyone all the time so have a heavier load, or that you have separate finances so it sucks that you’re paying more than him for this vacation he is dictating? Tell him you’ll come if he books and pays a nice dinner, there’s no tax write off for you in this.