To expect husband to contribute more to the trip

Yes, I know how much he has. I know how much he has in savings too. It’s our money. We have a joint account where we both put money in. We also have a joint savings account, I have my own accounts too and he knows how much I have. We see all money as ‘our’ money , always. We are in this relationship together.

Why would you pay half to tag along? Maybe half of the non tax deductible stuff.

like he still pays as if it’s just him. Then at dinner you get separate bills. BUT he takes the expensive main, 2-3 drinks and shared appie. Cause that can be claimed too!

i don’t know how your finances work, or if he’s just weird about stuff. But when you divorce or die it all works out regardless - unless you have a prenup in certain countries.

so yeah it’s weird. Also weird he’s just abandoning you with the kids, hasn’t even offered to look for a sitter?? It’s his reason for being away, why do you get default parenting? Cause you have a vagina - yeah - Happens to us all.

all over a bit strange. Your spidey sense are tingling for a reason.

worst is, if you don’t make him get it his opinion will be that he offered you a weekend away, and you don’t want it and are mad. So make sure you talk!

This is weird, you’re married, presumably for a long time since you have several children old enough to be left. I don’t understand why you’re nit picking over how this trip is being paid for? I get having personal accounts (my husband and I still do) but this trip is his work expense, it should come from his business money, and your expenses over there that can’t be claimed back are family/household money and any return he gets with tax should be part of family/household money too. IMO if something like this causes nit picking, the percentages in personal accounts is too high, more funds need to be channeled into household/family expenses

Sounds like you don't really want to go and it will probably be overall cheaper and more simple if he goes on his own, after all isn't it a work trip?

I get your point OP.
I'd suggest a separate trip, or you come once the conference is finished so all expenses are properly joint,rather than a tax dodge for him.

I wouldn’t go - sounds far too complicated and not fun for you

This, you should be paying in proportion to your income.

or paying in everything and then taking back the same amount each for personal spends.

make sure you take account of pension contributions- lots of men seem to “ forget” that’s essentially a personal savings account and treat it as a joint expense.

He can't have it both ways to claim business expenses and from you.

Are you committed to going? Doesn't actually sound like much fun imho.

I don't understand relationships like this when you are both married. It's so strangely transactional. It doesn't sound like a partnership never mind a marriage

Why are you with him?

It doesn't sound like dc is happy.

I don’t get separate money when married. It’s probably down to my DH and I getting together quite young and earning equally. But it must be so messy when you have separate accounts. Not sure I could cope.
for about 6 years my DH earned significantly more than me while I was on Mat leave then went PT. Neither of us questioned splitting everything 50/50

i get paid into our spending account. He gets paid into the bills. Anything left over from the bills gets split 50/50 into his isa and mine.

we never argue over money.

Just don't go, then.
And when talking to him, don't say "could you",
say "would you or will you" .
It gets there better.

Are you pissed because he can claim it back and you can’t?

I think )accountant)
He pays his flight and accommodation
You pay your flight
Then you share food /going out
Only changes if actually the hotel he'd book on his own is bargain bucket cheap and with you it will actually be a different nicer place.

All these posts about penny pinching are so shocking. Im speechless , these people are in MARRIAGES......Will you also be having meals on the trip ????? Im soooooooo confused!!!!!!!!!! Will you be having ' Afters ?'....... Some people dont have any self worth. Ive had more input from casual friendships. And as a Married woman with family I NEVER PAID A PENNY towards anything financially. Mind I did everything in the house and even had granted allowance.

Bloody hell, good point!

I'm guessing he'll tax deduct the entirety of the hotel etc. the receipts will just have the total on it.

So he'll be getting a tax benefit on money she paid.

Why can he not just pay for all the things he'd have to pay for if he was going alone and you pay for your flight?

I don't see why you should be subsidising his work trip.

So not only will you be paying 50% he'll be claiming tax deductions from his half. Everything that's tax deductible should come from his personal / business account and you can pay for flights and extra food etc. Otherwise let him go alone. He sounds very mean.

He's not generous towards you with money. That's very hurtful and disappointing.

You can only control yourself though, you can't make him something he isn't.

It's primarily a work trip, you didn't choose the destination and presumably he'll be occupied during the day with his conference or training for a significant part of it.

I'd say to him that you think it would be more appropriate for the expenses to come from his personal/business account. You're happy to pay for your own flight from your account and then split meals etc with him. Because you're tagging along on a work trip, not planning a vacation of your choosing. Plus the tax thing is a bit of double dipping.

Does he have a lot of good qualities?

You should be able to talk about money without arguing, that's not a good state of affairs

Can you take some time off on your own op? Without the stingy fucker, it sounds like you need it.