Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

I haven't read anybody's posts others than your first one, OP, but my advice, as you have children and presumably would need financial support is to marry the twat, countdown the year you need to divorce him and then do that.

If you have means to support yourself then don't marry him at all.

What an excuse for a man he is, OP. Total support for your feelings of revulsion here. You have time to think about your way forward, if only weeks, take them all and make your plan.

I would dump the b***d and send out a msg first telling everyone ‘weddings off, assface says i am too fat so we are no longer together’. Sorry your going through this op

So sorry

Divorcing this prick will be a nightmare. He sounds unhinged.

I would 100% not marry this prick. Dump his miserable ungrateful mean arse. What a shit!!

That is emotional abuse. You may have been in an abusive relationship for many years and not realised. I wouldn't be going through with the wedding.
You need to reach out to your friends and family for support and consider womens aid and having a read around emotional abuse and coercive control.

My ex was a little bit like this, to a certain extent. He would say he wasn't attracted to me when I was heavier. We eventually split for several reasons but the most important of which was that he had zero respect for me and I think this is the case for you. He has no respect for you and that is absolutely 100% not your fault, it is all on him. This is very much a case for splitting up, not what you want but you deserve a man who loves you for who you are, not what you look like. I eventually found a man who loves me being slim or fat (as I am now!) we are getting married next year and he wouldn't dream of asking me to lose weight, it just wouldn't happen. You can find a man like this too.
Please dig deep and get the strength you need to leave him, it won't get better and you deserve better than this x

He is awful!

Yes you should say to everyone that the hen do is cancelled, your fiancé has called it off because he thinks your are too fat.

Don’t let him tell you it didn’t happen. Tell him he has called the wedding off by calling you fat and you agree that it should stay called off. Why waste another 15 years.

Can I ask:

• is he overweight?
• does he take good care of himself eg hygiene, no holes in pants/socks etc
• how much does he earn
• how many days a week do you both work
• how much childcare does he do
• how much house work does he do

if the answers to these show you carry the relationship, household, children and mental load as I would suspect they might, my question is why carry on further years on a bad investment?

so you spent 15 years together? There’s no award for being loyal to someone who is wasting your time and mean to you. You deserve better.

even your hen do guest list sounds controlling. I would consider your financial security and leave when you can.

Exactly this.

How much does he weigh?

You already know the answer. What would you say if one of your children came home saying their partner was being abusive about their weight?

He won't call the wedding off. Instead he has resorted to abuse to get the OP to call the wedding off.

If she doesn't and goes ahead with the marriage, she is with him for another 12 months. Do you think the abuse will magically stop or potentially get worse.

He's intent on making her life a misery, the more abusive a relationship comes, the harder it is to leave.

She can't decide if to leave now, why would the decision and action be easier after 12 months more of abuse?

I'd be calling it off myself and telling everyone the actual reasons, let them see him for who he is.

Don't put yourself through marrying him as he will only get worse.

To add "marry you regardless" is not the compliment you're trying to make it out to be - it is HUGELY insulting for him to even insinuate your weight is something he has to 'put up with'. You are you. You personality and being inhabit your body. Your body is not your entire being but it's the brilliant thing that carries you around through this world and endures a lot so he should fucking love it. What a prick.

And that gives him the right to say what he has to her - that he's considering calling off the wedding because she's not lost any weight! Really?

If money were the case, how about he sits down and discusses it with her, y'know, like a grown up adult ?

If she won't leave now, why will she leave when she's married

I don’t understand your point, @YellowphantGrey? I was explaining Choochoo’s logic behind her advice that OP should go ahead with the wedding at this late stage even if she wants to end the relationship because it will give her more legal rights and likely put her in a better financial position - she may get more than 50% of the house, some of his pension pot. I can see Choochoo’s POV.

He has shown you who he is... believe him.

He's someone who thinks it's fine to insult you, to undermine your self worth, make you doubt yourself, threaten leaving you, make you feel stressed at what should be a really happy time, blows hot and cold...

Do you want to tie yourself forever to somebody who brings you down rather than lifts you up? There's someone out there who will love you for you, exactly as you are. This is not the guy who will help you make the most of your life.

Please don't marry this guy.

It really isn't if they already have joint home ownership.. divorce is easy if you can fill in a form or two.. it's the money that makes it harder .

Why should she leave with half a house and a crap pension ? She's put in 15 years of hard graft and is due what she is due if it weren't for our crap non existent cohabitation laws .

This goes for all those women who think just because they get a share of the house and possibly savings / assets. They are 'fine' ..
Only to find at retirement he is living like a King on his high earner pension, achieved at the cost of his 'dp' putting her body and earnings on hold to facilitate this for him .

I am quite passionate about this as my mums best friend had 3 kids with a man who didn't believe in marriage..had 4 kids with him .. he unsurprisingly found his 'belief' with his 23 year younger work colleague..

Mums friend has a part time pension from NHS.. and will have to keep working into her late 60s. Her ex DP retired on his fat pension at 60. If she had died in childbirth and he had to work 'mum hours' .. it would be a quarter . He literally retired because of her graft enabling him to pay in.

He’s gaslighting you. He wants to call off the wedding but saying it’s because of you. It isn’t, it’s because of him.

He’s a prick.

Don’t marry him. He’s already ruined the wedding with this behaviour and you’ll be feeling worthless all day if you go through with it.

Cos I bet he’s an oil painting himself. Utter cunt

Leafygreen84 Thanks for that . It's good to know I missed that update.. but i bet his works pension has improved considerably whilst the OP was busy child bearing/raising and earning a lot less to facilitate his full time contributions . It's definitely something she needs to know/consider .

If I were you OP I would see if there is anyway you can find out its value .. as a 15 yr relationship ending in marriage with kids would probably entitle you to near 50% (usual caveats apply with legal stuff as we do not know your exact situation/location/laws applicable in your area . )

Please please please don't marry this man. Get out while you can. Yes you have children with him and I'm assuming a home also.. but it's still easier to leave it there than to get a divorce 🩷

What a bullying piece of shit. I would not stay in a relationship with a man that is ashamed of me. I have done that in the past and it just eroded my self worth and I wasted years of my life. Having a mortgage and children together is not reason to stay with a horrible bully. Think of what example that sets for your children when it comes to how people speak to and judge each other. You are worth more than this pathetic scumbag.

@Tenaciousbeyondallthings they have a mortgage and OP is 50/50. She will get half of the house.