Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

Yep. 200lb of offensive fat gone in an instant !!

Agreed.

I'm going to go against the grain and say don't be too swayed by the responses on here, and take your time.

He's done a horrible thing but only you know what he (and the relationship) is normally like.

I'm not saying what he said/did is acceptable - it's not. But it sounds like you're going to take your time and talk it through with friends, DP etc. At the very least I'd be telling him what a horrible, hurtful thing he did, especially with the way he went about it. If you do stay with him, remember it doesn't have to be forever if he's not being a good partner. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.

Really concerned by the excuses you’re making for him..

Tip for how to lose several stones of useless fat: ditch this wanker.

Im so sorry for you. Please find the strength to leave him this is coercive control. My ex husband told me I was too fat. Lost weight , was too thin. Didn’t want me working as I let housework slip. Then I didn’t contribute financially and got grief. Constantly putting me down and belittling me. Sulks and cold shoulder. I was so mentally worn down by him and convinced I was worthless when he started to be violent I accepted it as it was my fault. Please , for the sake of your children leave.

Christ he sounds like absolute cunt. OP you don't seem to see that yet, as you're defending him like crazy but please remember it's never too late to get rid of the asshole. You could get rid today, the night before the wedding, as you're standing at the altar, the day after, 10 years after.... but remember you will always deserve better than someone who treats you like this.

Also if he was drunk when he did it - is there a history of him being a nasty drunk? Will he give up drinking then, forever if so?

You're talking about throwing 15 years away, but what about the next 40/50 years? It's not about the weight, he's treated you like shite. Telling you he's worried about your health and he wants to help you be healthier would be one thing. The way he's done it is another. If it's not this, it'll be something else.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? It’s ok if you want to marry your partner but please don’t think what you perceive as “tough love” will make you stronger. Think of how much stronger you’d be if you were treated with kindness.

House is now in both our names. Has been for couple years. When we first bought it I couldn't get on the mortgage due to credit rating as only worked 7 hours a week. Now it joint 50 50

What a surprise! You can be in house deeds even if you never worked a day in your life.

The mortgage is separate altogether

You can't. Really. Have some self respect if nothing else. You are worthy of better.

It sounds like you really could do with a break from the man OP. Your self esteem sounds really low. If he’s been making these comments on and off over 15 years no wonder.

Could you ask him to leave for a bit so you can figure out what you really want if possible? It just feels like all the power is in his hands. He should be explaining the reasons behind the wedding being cancelled (and exposing his awful, rude, derogatory behaviour) but it seems like you’re picking up the pieces always and smoothing the way.

You sound like a real trooper. Do not forget your own worth. Sounds like he is doing his best to grind you down. Whatever you do just put you and your kids first. He deserves nothing.

YABU for even considering to marry him. He sounds an utter knob head.

I'd sack the cunt off. You'd lose a lot more weight then. What an utter thunder cunt he is. I'd call it off and tell people why. No money in the world could make me wanting marry THAT

This is horrendous. It might be worth seeing a solicitor now to understand your position on separation vs divorce. Don’t assume that having your name on the mortgage means a fair split of the assets.

How could you possibly marry him after this? Honestly?

OP has rights to the property as co-owner, to child maintenance from DCs' father and to relevant benefits. She earns well (in a job she hates, but it's a step up). A split now won't be any harder or less advantageous than a divorce.

We'll agree to disagree, Yellowphantgrey, if OP needs financial security then she should have that. As an unmarried woman she has no rights. That's it really.

Agree with @YellowphantGrey .. Op will get even more trapped and beaten down. The plan of getting married to get divorced sounds good however the reality of it is far from this. @ForBetterForWorseOrNot I think you should speak to women’s aid only if it’s to just have someone listen as your partner probably has a lot more abusive traits you’ve never considered. My ExH was abusive and it took me a long time to realise he didn’t love or give a shit about me!

Because if he's already this abusive because he wants her to end the engagement, why do you think it will be easier to get out of the marriage?

He clearly doesn't want to marry her for whatever reason. Why force him into it, live like it, with the risk of abuse getting worse or even physical.

She absolutely should not get married to prove a point to him.

He's going to break her down even more over the 12 months following the marriage that she will find it harder to leave.

Mental health and the recovery isn't worth risking for 12 months of being in a marriage that one person doesn't want to be part of and who is actively abusing the other person.

Aside from pension, what else will she gain from marriage then divorce? The house is jointly owned and paid 50/50. You don't need to be married to sort out childcare or maintenance. I can't see any advantage to marrying an abuser

I was going to ask the same thing....