Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

I would say to him, I think you sending that message was a really good idea because I realise I do not actually want to marry you.

Run as fast as you can, he's horrible.

@ForBetterForWorseOrNot I hope you have a brilliant night out with your friends and when you talk everything through and evaluate where you're at now and where this relationship is likely to go in the future, have in the back of your mind the traditional wedding vows

'for better, for worse'

'in sickness and in health'

Your partner's let out what's really on his mind, it isn't a sudden, stupid passing thought. What he said was hurtful and undermines you and it won't be easily forgotten. How would he react if something happened to you beyond anyone's control? If, for argument's sake you lost a limb, your mobility, your hair, or one of any number of things that people have to deal with, would he love you just as much, or would he be 'this isn't what I signed up for' this is too inconvenient, or I don't like looking at you any more? To me, when you marry, you commit to loving your partner, supporting them and having their back whatever happens. If you want to lose weight, you try and do it for you and in your own time frame. Your future husband should be loving and taking you as you are, not returning you until you fit the bill.

Very few people are 100% good or bad, and we only have one side of the conversation, but from what you've said here, the checks and balances for the partnership don't look very favourable to me: far from it.

He’s a Narcissist plain and simple read your post back to yourself
you are doing a job you hate for him FOR HIM?? Tell this cockwomble that you’ve decided you don’t wanna marry his horrible mean ass and kick him to the curb!!

What are you on about????

Please don't marry him. Its very hard to get a divorce 😪 At the moment you are free. Where is home? You said 5 hours away. Is it your own place?

If you don’t cancel before the wedding, you will find yourself facing him at the altar, unable to say your vows and able to believe his vows because you know exactly what he thinks of you now, he couldn’t have made it more clear and you are right to be in shock and questioning this position he’s put you in. He may have been drunk when he did and said what he did, but alcohol gave him the courage to say what he was thinking ….if only she were perfect, I could be happy. None of us are perfect.
You would know in your heart that his vows and your own vows meant nothing and you would be wondering what the heck you were going through this charade for.
I can’t think of any more miserable scenario than that.
The exact opposite of a wonderful day …a sham day in fact.

So yes OP, you can send that text to your future in laws explaining exactly why the wedding is off. You wouldn’t be unreasonable to do that at all. You would be wise to call it off.

He has a lot of work to do before you to agree to consider marrying him again. The sooner you confront this ugly side of his attitude, the sooner he can start that work. ( if you even want to be bothered)
Don’t accept this bullying with these drunken insults from him any more and don’t let him sweep what he’s done under the carpet. He will do it again and always blame you instead of looking to himself.
Good luck. Put yourself and the children first.

Another small percentage to votes YABU, what the fuck? IMO you are NOT BU, he sounds like an absolute prick, cut your losses NOW before you marry a controlling bullying narc. He will only get worse once you are married. He sounds like he thinks hr owns you and you should obey him, he’s living in a dream world. Your kids will think this behaviour is normal. Honestly leave him, first few months will be hard but do not marry this man!!! And to those of you who voted YABU SHAME ON YOU

So he watched the football and was cuddly, he gets verbally aggressive when drunk. Issues in the past. Obviously this is not the first time something like this has happened but this is a wake up call. Very difficult as it has been so long. I was with someone like this. Blinkered because when in good form all seems ok. Then being gaslighted. And so it goes on. You deserve better.

OP please do not marry this man!!!

Omg. I literally have no words 😞.

You won't leave him, and you know you won't.

Cancel! Tell him to move out! .. DO IT FOR THE KIDS!!…. you are teaching your children that it’s fine for a man to be abusive to his partner.

He's an abuser stop making excuses for him The only reason to marry him would be to divorce him and make sure you get half of everything as compensation for15 years of his shite! Have some self respect and dump him

He’s looking for an excuse to call off the wedding without losing face to his family and friends. I would not marry him, otherwise you’ll be stuck later having to divorce him with a lot more hassle and baggage (if that makes sense). Call his bluff, tell him he can do that but you’ll make sure the real reason is made clear to guests. It sounds like a very one sided arrangement in his favour you’ve got there, and you’re not supported at all. I would defo not go ahead with the wedding until this can be cleared up. I’m sorry you’re going through this, he’s being a spineless cunt and trying to blame you which is really unfair. If you do just one thing, even if you stay together DON’T MARRY HIM!!

Where do you stand with shared assets if you are not married…?

If you marry this pathetic excuse for man, trust me, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Run whilst you have the chance and never look back.

I've just read your post out to my partner and his first words were "dump the bastard", that's a man's point of view and he's a bloke type of bloke but said your chap is the sort that gives men a bad name 🤷

Please value yourself more. Ditch this guy.
It will only be a future issue for him and your self esteem.

Your weight is just the excuse he’s using now. He’s stringing you along and you’re letting him. If he wanted to marry, he would have done this 15 years ago sorry.

He’s using your weight as an excuse. There is no real reason why you’ve waited 15 years. He feels pressured into marriage and doesn’t want to so he’s blaming you. Very unpleasant behaviour on his part. Sorry you are going through this.

Message all the family and guests saying the wedding is being called off because X says he won't marry you due to your weight.

Let others who love you both get it out of him what the real reason is.

Also he's gas lighting you and abusing you speaking to you last like that. Possibly preparing you so he can say and do as he wants.

I know this sounds awful, but if he's cancelling the wedding, how much worse off could you be OP?
He's a control freak guy who is going to make the rest of your life a misery.

The last 15 years wasn't for nothing, whatever happens next. They were happiness and support and they produced children and if it's time for it to finish then it wasn't all for nothing.

I don't think I'd be able to bring myself to marry a man who was able to make that type of comment to me. Your body has grown and fed his children ffs. He's cheerfully shagged you at every size I bet. These comments haven't come from nowhere - the mask has slipped. He has made his real feelings about your body, and your worth to him, known.