Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

Please do not marry him.

What an absolute fucking loser.

I’d let him tell all your friends, family and guests why the wedding will be off. He can tell them the truth, that he isn’t happy with your weight. I bet he won’t though. They’re normally cowards, men like him.

@ForBetterForWorseOrNot 15 years is a long time, but so is the next 30.

you don’t deserve this.

If your daughter told you this about her relationship, what would you tell her to do?

You would be extremely unreasonable to go ahead and marry this scumbag!

The absolute only reason you should go ahead with the marriage now is if you’re not on the mortgage / deeds of the house. You need to see a solicitor either way.

Does his behavior shows that he also loves you to bits? No, it doesn’t.
You don’t need someone who treats you like this, let him call off the wedding and get rid of him.

Why marriage now after all this time? I don't mean that rudely, I'm wondering if it's possible he never intended to get married and put this condition on it as an out, so he could then say it's all your fault you're not married and he would have married you if you'd lost the weight. Which I doubt. I walked away from 20+ years with 3 Austic DC and too sick to work, best thing I ever did. Dont stay for the past. You deserve better than this. Being overweight doesn't make you less worth marrying, this is his probelm. What he's doing is cruel and nasty, decent people don't treat people they love that way.

Please, please don't marry this man.
I have just escaped from a nine year relationship where I adored my ex husband but he had similar issues with my weight. Over the period we were together I went from 12st and a size 10-12 to 7st and a size 4. I was subjected to weekly weigh ins and was denied things I wanted like children/holidays and day to day simple love and affection because I hadn't met the arbitrary targets he set for me. I see the eating disorder team because it will take a LIFETIME to fix the damaged relationship I have with my body because of him.
I know you love him, because I loved my ex. I I can't imagine how much more difficult life will be without him but it will be significantly more difficult if you stay together and put yourself and your children through a lifetime of the abuse this shows he is capable of. You are strong enough to do it I promise ❤️

I'm really sorry you've invested yourself in supporting this abusive twat through some hard times.

He's been telling you you don't earn enough, aren't thin enough, I bet there's more. You sound like a lovely fiancée, but he's always going to find ways to undermine you. He's controlled your hen weekend and will find a way to ruin your big day for you if you're daft enough to go through with it.

The good news is, you don't have to go on the weekend and you definitely don't have to marry him! Maybe drive off with the DC tomorrow and leave him there?

Wishing you good luck, clear traffic and a following wind.

He doesn't realise the negative comments knock me for six

Yes he does - that's why he says them. He enjoys putting you down.

You "love him to bits" - I despair. Why on earth do you want to marry this charmer? I would have taken off years ago.

Lose 200 pounds at one go and tell him to get to fuck. Just throw the whole man out.

If its not weight it will be something else to flunk you over. And don’t kid yourself that he “doesn’t know ” how this hurts you, or fucks with your head, or demotivates you. Of course he knows! He gets off on abusing you.

My guess is that marrying you was something he felt forced to do by expectation or convention and making you jump through another hoop or start off the marriage apologizing and begging him to go through with it although you “failed” the test restores his sense of power.

He is an absolutely shit human being. Ive easily put on 60 pounds during my 34 years with my dh. Of course he loves me anyway. If your bf sets you this ridiculous task at the outset things will only get worse.

Make up your mind to dump him, close your eyes, get some sleep, and drive home tomorrow. Start a new life without him.

He thinks you're worthless and he can do better. That's why he's told you to lose weight, the fucked up zooming in on pictures, threatening to call off the wedding to humiliate you, sulking and complaining and telling you he guesses he's obligated to marry you anyway.

He's setting you up to feel self conscious and embarrassed, anxious and timid, grooming you to believe you need to be grateful for anything he gives you, chipping away at your self respect so you're easier to control and manipulate.

You deserve a much better future than this and so do your kids. You won't be sorry if you plan and execute a future without him, regardless of how hard it is it first, it will be worth it.

DO NOT MARRY HIM. The next thing is he will be having an affair, and blaming you because you didn't lose the weight.

Do not marry this man, he is disgusting. Yes it’s fine to tell people what he is like.

The answer to him saying that he is going to message everyone saying due to unforseen circumstances the wedding is off

should be

Go ahead. At this stage I don’t think this relationship is something I wish to continue.

He knows what it does to you.

he enjoys what it does.

Do not marry him, you will regret it. And don't let him come grovelling back, he's shown you who his is.

For the love of God OP, please don't marry this man. Would it be fair to assume that this isn't just an out of character wobble but instead a not unusual type of behavior on his part? You don't have to marry someone that makes you feel like shit. He's showing you who he is and he does know that he's being unkind, he just doesn't care. Take the power out of his hands and call it off. This doesn't have to be your forever.

this is awful. while there are surely people who have lost attraction to a partner over time because of physical changes, a decent person would never tell them that was the reason.

The crap with the photos sounds abusive. Please seriously rethink marrying him. I am sorry this is happening to you.

Please dump this total loser, you'll be much happier.

The first red flag was him wanting you to lose weight for the wedding at all. Either he wants to marry you or he doesn't, no conditions. When you think hard about it, how many other ways does he control you - what you can spend, who you can see, how often you can go out for instance? How many other things about your appearance/personality/intelligence etc does he comment on?

I'd take him at his word cancel the wedding. I know you feel like you've invested too much into this relationship to let it go but as someone has already posted - Google the sunk cost fallacy.

Chuck him out of the house.

If you magically lost a couple of stone then it will be something else. You hair will be too long, then you cut it and he doesn't like it.

It's a form of coercive control, he wants you on edge at all times.

You've already had to stand by him, but he has never stood by you.

He has pushed you into a job you don't enjoy because you weren't earning enough to suit him.

He thinks it's okay to dictate what size of bride he gets and has told you that you don't make the grade.

What exactly is it that you love to bits?