Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

The best revenge for an arsehole messing with your head ... is to serve it up cold.

By marrying him (if he has anything more than you) .. you are investing in you and your family's future.

Those saying 'don't marry' this close to legally securing what is morally yours through 15 years of child rearing house cleaning and pandering to an arsehole are not thinking straight. Think about yourself and your kids.

Get thee down that aisle .. at a sprint !

Walk.

You are worth more than this twat.

Sunk cost fallacy, don't throw away any more time on this situation just because you have been in it for 15 years.

Take the initiative. Call it off. Tell everyone wia WhatsApp or email exactlyvwhy
He will look like the complete arsehole he is
Please don't continue living with this shallow and cruel person. What is he goingcto say to your kids if they don't fit his perfect image at a later date?

The reason people are warning not to marry him is because there's no way on earth that he will go through with it, however much OP tries.

Think I agree with this.

but there’s no excuse for his cruel behaviour about your weight.

I know it will be hard so soon before the wedding but best to at least pause and really think about whether you want to marry this man.

Too many posters saying "Don't marry him" without knowing whether your financial security depends on it.

If not, then LTB obviously. It sounds as though he's casting around for a reason to reject you anyway, unless he's just being cruel for the fun of it.

It sounds like you are hoping his family will shame him into marrying you. They should know what he has done, but not for that reason - instead, tell everyone because you need support (from your friends, not his family) as you dump him.

How much would you have to despise someone to do what he has done? That's how he views you. Why would you want to marry him?

What you feel isn't love - it's a biochemical addiction to his intermittent reinforcement - you know, the times when he is nice to you. Those times that are less and less with every passing year.

By focussing on the 15 years that have passed, you are falling for the Sunk Costs Fallacy. Instead, focus on how many years you will waste if you stay with him in any form.

This is the best advice here OP. He's not on your side. Please think of your future and your children.

You can also make decisions in your life for the sake of your own happiness.
He's obviously awful. Do not marry him. It doesn't matter if you've been together 15 years. If my partner spoke to me like that I'd chuck him out.

I think you should forward the messages to people saying due to obvious reasons the wedding will no longer be going ahead

A person should only lose weight for themselves for health reasons. He sounds controlling and coercive and if it is not weight he will pick on something else. Only you can decide if you want /need to lose weight. No one else. This is definitely a red flag. Good luck!

Nasty, cruel man. This is the tip of the iceberg. He will get worse.

You deserve better. Seek support from family and friends and don’t be embarrassed. Tell them what is going on and let them support you.

This is emotional abuse. I’m sure it’s highly likely this isn’t the only incident where he puts you down and makes you feel worthless. Why is it all his family coming to your hen? Does he allow you to have your own friends? Don’t marry this guy, I know it seems like a lot to leave someone after a long time but you are worth more than this. You get one life. How would you feel if your kids were being told the same from their partner? Speak to womens aid if you need to, they can offer lots of support. Sending strength.

Op you can't see it but he is emotionally abusive. Please don't marry him. You deserve better! He should want to marry you as he loves you even if your hair is yellow with pink spots! This is a massive red flag which why everyone is telling you to leave him. Step back and have a rethink.

Please don’t marry him. End the relationship and tell everyone why. You are worth more than this man.

Yes I think you should call it off. Don't wait for him to do it. It's going to be hard. It's going to hurt. But DO NOT marry this man.

You deserve so much better. 💐

Run for the hills

He doesn't care about your feelings. Getting married should be a special time even when you have been together a long time . It should evoke feelings of love and giddiness.

You should call off the wedding, tell people you want to know he has been treating you poorly and you no longer want to marry him. Make it clear to him you are thinking about whether you want to be in the relationship at all.

Take control and demand better. And definitely think about why you want to be with someone who treats you so cruelly.

Please don’t marry him, it sounds like you might be in a domestically abusive relationship, you need to get out and get the kids away from seeing this. If one of your children or your best friend said they were in a similar situation, what would you tell them to do?
Getting married should be one of the happiest times but this will always be what you remember now. He has pressured you to work a job you hate, how often is he telling you you’re not good enough when doing something (work, losing weight, looking after the home? Bringing up the kids?) why is your hen all his family and him? Where are your friends? Your family?
I think if you looked at your relationship deeply, you might find that it is not healthy for you at all.

What a horrible man (if you can even call him that, as he sounds very immature). Why, also, would your Hen night consist of only him & his family? Where are your friends & family. I would take this as an early 'gift', whereby you've finally had insight into how shallow & hurtful he is. Turn it round & thank him for making you realise that, yes, the wedding should be called off as you've realised you cannot possibly marry such a shallow person & you will be rethinking your entire life which no longer includes him as a partner or husband. Use his vileness to give yourself a massive kick up the arse to finding your own strength & self esteem, and also to kick him out!! Don't allow yourself to be so badly treated. And please don't marry him - call his bluff & find yourself.

He’s shown you who he is @ForBetterForWorseOrNot.

Believe him!

Hes controlling. There will always be something that’s not good enough for him. Is he like that with the kids too? He probably will be in future. Do yourself and them a favour and get out asap. Look into your situation - finances, house etc - who owns/controls what. You need to get yourself secure and then leave. That’s no way to live!

He took photos of you, zoomed in on them and sent them to you?! How mean and what kind of response did he expect from you, to live on lettuce for the next 6 weeks. Instead HE gave YOU the silent treatment, yet another form of emotional abuse.

Losing weight is so much more complex than just not eating as much, it has a massive connection to our mental wellbeing and the other things you mention about your job and having lots going on is not going to help you being able to take the time effort and focus on losing weight.

He is an abusive bully that clearly doesn't appreciate the other things you have been doing. He is shallow and he is showing you exactly who he is.

He can't possibly love you Op.

I think that you should as a matter of urgency seek legal advice.

Yes. This.