Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

He's not good enough for you. You know that now, what are you going to do about it?

Don't marry him...

You groom should look at you like he is the luckiest man in the world.......not be a whisper in your head that you would have looked better if you lost the weight.

If you even lost weight (for nobody but you) what would he pick on next... Bigger boobs/bum/Botox

Marry Somone who adores you who wants to share their life with you right now, not Somone who is hoping you will change to fit in with his image of what his wife must look like

Call his bluff. Tell him to cancel it.

He sounds horrible and controlling. Is the hen do even how you wanted it? All his family? Do you get any say in things?

Op I definitely understand your point about how long you've been together but sometimes a partner is so unreasonable (him not you in this case) that they do leave you with no option but to call it quits. This behaviour from him is disgusting. Or what if you lost the weight and gained again.. what will he do then divorce you ?? This is not how you treat your wife to be. I think there's also a chance he's bluffing in order to make you beg or promise to lose weight. Either way it's disgusting. When he says he wants to text everyone, tell him to do it and to tell them the real reason. See what he makes of that but really really really please please stop and think carefully about what this relationship is really about. Good luck Op.

If he calls off the wedding he's doing you a favour - you're being treated really badly.

It seems that he's controlling everything, your appearance, job and who you socialise with. It's abusive.

If you marry him you'll be miserable, he won't stop.

You could lose about 80kg of useless weight instantly if you kick him out the house.

Don’t waste another 15 years, if he’s like that with your appearance will he scrutinise his children too? Kick him out

What? That’s all you got from this post?

I wouldn’t aim for revenge weight loss to be honest. I would encourage looking after health and well-being first and foremost. Eating well and moving more are good for both. A side effect may or may not be weight loss but the OP should learn to love herself enough to take care of her body.

It is a long time and hard to walk away but in the circumstances you’ve described it’s the only right option.

Your life isn’t going to get better by marrying an emotional abuser. Statistically, once you are legally bound to one another, abuse gets worse after marriage (and after kids, as you’ve already found). He’s only going to get nastier and no, he won’t divorce you because he’d stand too much to lose financially. Instead he’ll use your weight as a justification to cheat.

In your shoes, I’d be calling off the wedding. Why should this dickhead get free range to insult and abuse you till death do us part? Why should he be entitled to half of anything you own, inherit, half your pension etc?

Yep, you have a house and kids together but can you honestly say that you never ever see yourself splitting up in the future, given his current behaviour? Are you honestly so intent on marrying that you will put up with being insulted for the rest of your life? It seems to me like you’d just be kicking the can of splitting up further down the road, and it’s easier legally to split up now before you are married.

Will it be disruptive for a bit, and a lot of emotional upheaval?Yes but 100 percent worth it.

Staying with him won’t be better for the kids either…if you’ve sons they’ll learn that this is how you treat a woman, if you have daughters they’ll learn that this is all they’ll deserve.

You can live your life without him and thrive.

There’s no way you can say the same about marrying this nasty piece of work.

Expect tears, begging, swearing blind he’ll change. It’s all an act. He won’t.

Walk away, you deserve so so much better than this absolute twat.

OP my gut instinct says don't marry this vile human but I think PP's who are saying think about the Financial situation first are very sensible for you and the children. Sending hugs 🫂 to help you work out your next step x

No amount of money is worth putting up with emotional abuse. Her self worth and well-being are priceless.

I just wanted to add that you should lose weight after you end things with him. It is about your health - not about him.

It will be hard for a while, but I really do think that eventually you will be much happier without him. That will make you a better mum. If you have a daughter, how would you feel if she is treated like this in the future?

Please don’t marry him. If he is this cruel and controlling now, goodness knows how he will be when he got you more trapped.

I suspect your weight is to do with your emotional well-being. How can you build self worth and look after that beautiful body that transports you around, when you have that kind of negativity (and you are holding the mental load as well as earning money in a job you hate).

Im not quick to say LTB but I really think you should. Definitely don’t marry him.

I think you need to think with your head and not your heart.

Would there be financial benefits to getting married?

If the answer is no then end the relationship and tell everyone the reasons why.

Please don't marry him. You are worth so much more.

I went to a slimming club for about 18m with a older bride to be. I was her bridesmaid. At the reception, her new husband leant over and whispered to me, 'Can you take her back to the slimming club because she's so fat and I hate it'. I was horrified for her. She looked amazing and he said that nasty thing on such a special day. I suggested that he join us as he was packing an extra stone or three. He didn't speak to me after that.

This is not an environment to raise children in.

I think another red flag here apart from the obvious is that your hen party is mostly made up of his family, I’m guessing over time he’s controlled you and damaged your self esteem to such a point that you have no longer got many friends of your own?

Raise your bar!

He’s an utter wanker, stop being treated like shit by a useless fucking man.

Do not marry him! What example are you setting your children by listening to his shit.

OP if he calls it off, YOU MUST put put your own message that the "unforseen" circumstances were his stupid views on weight. Do not let this man's nastiness hide, expose it to the light.

@ForBetterForWorseOrNot

On a practical note- what's your financial situation? Who owns the house? Is everything in joint names, or has he built up lots of savings and value while you have been managing the DC and house?

Because you might do better to marry him then split. Sorry.

Please don’t marry this man! He’s nasty.
That is all x

“He doesn't realise the negative comments knock me for six”

Oh he realises. He absolutely realises. He does it deliberately because he wants to knock you for six. He wants to control you. He enjoys seeing you hurt. He knows that it knocks your confidence. He enjoys doing that to you. It makes him feel good to make you feel bad.

Have you ever thought about criticising someone’s appearance - thought hmmmm I wonder if it would make them feel good or bad if I criticised their appearance? Of course not. Everyone knows that criticising someone’s appearance is going to make them feel like shit.

Tenaciousbeyondallthings makes good points.

If you’re the higher earner, have a decent pension and half or more of the assets, cancel the wedding and tell people what he’s said & done.

If he has the upper hand financially and wants to continue to avoid marriage, let him do the cancelling himself. If he is willing to proceed and you can stomach it, marry him & play the long game to improve your & DCs’ circumstances when you break up.