Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

It’s NOT a “ working relationship “, it’s an abusive one. The sooner the OP gets the support she needs to leave him , the better.

Why would you go through with it with an intention to leave thereafter?

Do not cover for him. Tell the truth unless you want to keep that to yourself for your own reasons.

He isn't good enough for you. Don't let him erode your confidence to the extent you ever believe it's the other way round.

It's not you. It's him.

No I’m not justifying his behaviour. I said very clearly he is wrong to buy into it.

But I also feel very strongly that society more generally creates an unhealthy attitude that then does feed into relationships. We all have a duty to promote attitudes that don’t shame and ridicule.

Wtaf, why are you with him? What a cruel, abusive bastard. I feel for you and the kids growing up in this environment. The weight is the last of your issues, he’s the biggest fucking weight to lose.

It’s not about your weight…tell him to get to fuck

Sorry but he doesn’t love you, you could never say those things to someone you truly loved. Never.

If he isn't just saying this after a few too many. Would I be unreasonable to message his family in the hen group and just say, enjoy the weekend I hope you all celebrate that his called it off as he thinks im too fat for him to marry as effectively that's exactly what his saying.

He hasn't "effectively" said it. He HAS said it. I would not marry this person. You've repeatedly stated that you've stood by him through a lot, so it sounds like he's led you a merry dance already.

I'd be telling friends and family exactly why the wedding is off. You deserve their support.

He’s feeling jittery ( and maybe even protective of op) because the truth is society judges the overweight- and harshly

@Calliopespa that is the most bullshit excuse I’ve ever heard for abuse. Please don’t attempt to justify this arseholes behaviour. He is a revolting bully and there is nothing protective or in anyway decent in his approach.

Time to get your ducks in a row!
Better to cancel wedding than go through with it and then divorce - but you let people know exactly why the wedding has been called off.
Then get the house on market (at least you're on the deeds!) and start moving on with your life. If he has family nearby, insist he stays with them.
Stay in your job for the moment, but then start job hunting for something you are happier with.
It's not easy to make all these changes but get through the practical side of things and then allow yourself to grieve for the life you had planned.
You deserve better than him.

I don’t think the weight is yiur only issue
do you work full time pay 50/50 at his demands and do most of the childcare all of the admin and most of the housework

I’m fairly outraged by what he has said to OP, but there are nonetheless bits of this I agree with - in particular that you can love someone but say nasty things to them.

Its obviously an awful way to treat her, but at the same time this is a sickness that ails large parts of society. He’s feeling jittery ( and maybe even protective of op) because the truth is society judges the overweight- and harshly. Yes he’s wrong for buying into it, but he certainly didn’t create the issue.

The real issue here is why we let overweight people receive such a bashing and have created a society where it is open season to comment. Being underweight comes with its own stresses on the nhs, mh issues and, let’s face it, unattractive appearance. Yet everyone would ( rightly) gasp 😱 at the obvious lack of empathy if people body shamed anorexics ( and there are varying degrees of this, many of them totally unaware). And even beyond wright, there are far worse character failings in society that go unremarked upon. We have an obesity problem and it isn’t just the heavy people who suffer from it. It’s used as an outlet to kick others with impunity - a sickness more damaging to society.

If I was you, I would tell him that you agree to calling off the wedding as you don't want to be with someone who can treat you like this. You are the mother of his children and your value doesn't come from your dress size. I would need space from him to seriously think about what type of relationship your in and the example it sends to your children. Nobody deserves to be treated like this.

You will never please this Bozo and you will spend your life trying even harder to please him while he keeps changing the goal posts.

My advice to you is to call the wedding and the relationship off and tell people why.

All the best going forward.

“I love him to bits and have stood by him no matter what…”

And this is what you’ll continue to do even though he treats you like shit.

You need to wake up and see your relationship for what it is. But you won’t because denial and cuddles during the football are easier to deal with.

It’s the kids I feel sorry for - they see this as a model and grow up to replicate their own fucked up version. The cycle never ends and abusive men get a willing dope with low self esteem who will endlessly put up with their shit and they get away with it.

15 years and two kids down the line

He doesn’t want to marry you.
Its that simple.

He has obviously been trying to find a way to get out of getting married and as the time has gotten closer and it’s becoming more real, he’s looking for any excuse to get out of it.

As you have DC it is actually beneficial for you to be married.

So I would go ahead with the wedding as planned and tell him if he wants to call it off and end the relationship then that’s on him to do (not try and get you to do it for him so he doesn’t look like the bad guy to everyone else - which is exactly what he’s trying to do).

You carry on.
You have an amazing hen night and as good of a wedding as you possibly can.
See it as a celebration of your life and kids, rather than marrying an absolute twat.

Once you are officially married then I’d seriously consider ending the relationship.

Not sure if this has already been suggested but I can think of a MASSIVE weight loss plan for you -

Dump his sorry ass!!!!!

You'll be a minimum 8 stone lighter possibly more.

I'm sorry to break it to you but he is not the one for you.

Call the whole thing off and you do it first, and if asked why you're not going ahead, tell them the truth.

If in time this man is the one for you (I really don't think he is), the weight issue will not be an issue, and things will mend themselves but at the moment, he's not the one for you.

Do not marry him. You will be worried your whole marriage that he is going to leave you if you don't lose weight or maintain your weight. As someone who struggles with her weight (also a size 16-18) it is not worth the added stress that will give you - we give ourselves enough negativity about our own bodies that we don't need others to do it for us.

You deserve much better and someone who doesn't care about if you lose or gain weight.

If his concerns were health related he would be addressing it in a different manner, encouraging and helping you - not shaming you with photos and threating to cancel the wedding for not losing weight.

Doesn't matter that I have organised the whole thing whilst working a full time job, learning a new role in a job I hate because he wanted me to find something that pays better.

So he complains you are fat and doesn't want to marry you because of it and made you change jobs to something you don't want to do. This man is abusive, please don't marry him. Life is only going to get worse. It is much easier to split now than if you were married.

Lose 15 stone of ugly fat today.

This will never improve and in fact will get worse once you are tied to him. If you don't walk now, he knows you never will once married so he will escalate.

Honestly, my DH and I have both had surgeries and are both covered in scars and neither of us look good naked but we have each other's back and have from the outset. I wouldn't have married him if he objected to something so superficial. We have both been porkers and stick thin for a variety of reasons. We are still alive and still together.

Get rid.

Dodged a bullet. Run.
I know it's been 15 years but LTB.
Assuming you have ducks in a row and name on the house.
Sell it. Contact CMS.
Let him send his wanky message.
Then tell everyone when he says unforeseen circumstances that "Unforeseen circumstances are that he says I have not lost enough weight. I have therefore decided to dump some excess weight by leaving the prick."
And do it. Seriously.

You love someone who is abusing you?

You had to get a new job because he wanted you to, your hen do is his family, you haven’t lost weight for him…..

You want to marry him still?

YABU for considering marrying him, and having a bar so low that saying babe in a sentence actually means something