Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

What a fucking shithead. I am so sorry, OP

I mean it’s your choice about staying with your man, personally I would say to him please don’t get involved I’ll loose the weight because I want to. Just FYI ive lost a stone in under 3 weeks in a calorie deficit and light exercise so in 6 weeks you could probably loose 1.5st if you stay committed
that’s if YOU want to not him

For me it would depend how representative his behaviour is of the way he has been during the entire 15 years of your relationship. Is he frazzled and lashing out at you with words he will know will hurt but it's not typical of his normal behaviour? Not to excuse it but people can go a bit bonkers with stress before getting married and it would be a shame to throw the whole thing away if this is atypical behaviour from him.

However, if he is bringing up the weight issue unilaterally and you are actually perfectly happy with the status quo, and never raise the topic yourself, that would certainly be a major concern.

I am very overweight. I have been overweight all my adult life for various reasons (health, past traumas etc) Not once in over 35 years has my husband made a negative comment or told me to lose weight. he knows its a struggle and he knows why. I am currently dieting very slowly (2 stone in 18 months with 4 to go) he has been nothing but supportive. and this is EXACTLY how it should be. you say you have stood by him so clearly he has not been perfect. You do not need this in your life, you really dont. your partner should always be in your corner and behind you all the way. yours isnt. he doesnt deserve this relationship. He is shallow.

Your post really struck a cord, my ex was like this. He said some awful things to me, including wanting me to look a certain way and wear a certain dress when he proposed (I left before a proposal) he told me he was ashamed of me, my weight was disrespectful to him, how he had turned down many women for me 🤣 I couldn't see this as at the time but it was abuse. This is just a flavour. Get out, you deserve more.

I think you're experiencing the real him that he's managed to keep pretty well hidden for such a long time. I'm aware that there was a football match last evening and there's always an uptick in domestic abuse after one ... sounds like you're on the receiving end of emotional abuse.
As others have said, walk away, cancel the wedding, you deserve someone who will accept you for who you are and not try to change you.
If you marry him, there will always be something that you are getting wrong or need to change about yourself.

Do. Not. Marry. Him.
Look at it objectively.
No matter how much you 'love him' he doesn't love you. He has shown you this. His behaviour is nasty, manipulative, and uncaring.

If he deigns to marry you now, he will continue to use this as a stick to abuse you with, every time he doesn't get his own way, every time you step out of line (according to his rules).

Imagine 15 years into the future. Children have grown up seeing poor relationship modelling. You've become an absolute shell of your original self.

Be brave, make the hard choices now and look forward.

Do you want to be made to feel like this for the rest of your life. You know the answer, it’s not right. Call it off, be in control rather than the other way around. Yes it will be awful but it’s also awful the way you are being treated by someone you plan on getting married to. No one in their right mind would suggest you stay.

This has to be one of the saddest things I've ever read. Obviously after all this leaving isn't going to be just as easy but at the very least stand your ground and do not marry this man, that will give him something to think about, although honestly I think he wants you to call it off. No person is that mean without an ulterior motive!

This is the craziest thing I've read on Mumsnet.. I can't pick my jaw up off the floor GET HIM TO F*CK and pronto!! What a grade A arsehole. I am so mad for you! What an awful awful thing for anyone to say let alone your soon to be husband, please do not marry this git. He'll be Brad Pitt by the sounds of it, yes?

Sorry to be harsh but he doesn't want to marry you. He knows what size you are and is just using it as an excuse.

I wouldn't have this man carry my shopping, never mind consider marrying him.

He does not want to get married and is making up an excuse to blame you instead of manning up and saying what he really feels.

What an ass. He pushes you down so he can feel better about himself and probably has very low self esteem. He is toxic and verbally abusive and you deserve better than this.

I saw my dad treat my mum like this (about her weight) while I was growing up. In the nicest way possible, it's really damaging to a child being a bystander to this behaviour.

If he wants to save your relationship then he needs to get some therapy to deal with the issues that he has and to stop projecting them on to you.

You deserve to be loved for who you are.

Oh Sweetheart. I have only read a couple of pages in, but didn't want to not comment.

If, after you have read all of the replies, you decide to cancel the wedding. Then, yes, tell everyone the true reason, that he thinks you are overweight and wants you to cancel because of.
Despicable. This is not LOVE.
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.

On an emotional level, women gain weight to protect themselves. So there is a part of you that wants to protect yourself from this wanker.
I wish you well darling and hope that you find the beautiful person you are one day.

I know which way you should turn... around, the other way and walk away from him.

I know its easier said than done, but his behaviour is shocking and I am not sure I could forgive this.

I didn’t say that. I said he was wrong to buy into it. That is not excusing him.

But society generally does need to address their attitudes because a society is made up of individuals who don’t develop their attitudes in a vacuum. Nonetheless, we all have a duty ( as did he) to examine what we take from societal mores.
Society didn’t “ make him do it.” But the more society holds that attitude, thd more people will treat people this way. That’s not excusing: it’s axiomatic.

Tell people the wedding is off because he's shown you just in time that he's not worth marrying.

Men do care how their partners look, they are more visually focused aren't they?
Do point us at the research that proves this

And the wedding is the photos and the status and everyone looking at the couple. It's like he's had a panic and doesn't want to be judged.

So. Fucking. What.

I voted YABU as you would be if you stay with him and marry him.

What an arsehole, this is downright abusive. Please get out, you deserve so much more.

That is shocking - this is a sign! get out now don't be a mug

Go ahead and tell his family he’s called off the wedding because you are too fat.

Because what you are supposed to do is beg him to still marry you. You are supposed to promise to be “better” to lose weight. You are supposed to be grateful he’s prepared to go through with marrying you and then spend every day of married life being grateful he’s been prepared to stick with you.

So call him out on it. That’s how he feels, fine. Tell his family first, the hen do isn’t going ahead as he has called off the wedding because you are too fat. They can still have a lovely weekend away they’ve paid for.

id then switch off my phone and let him deal with the fall out.

you are definitely not supposed to accept this. Accepting it will cause panic.

Listen to your heart, not your head. You've posted on here for a reason. Good luck with everything

@wildfellhall "I'm concerned your weight may cause health issues for you" might be hurtful but could come from love and concern

OP's fiance isn't demonstrating this at all

OP, I suggest you call his bluff "I think you're right, we should postpone the wedding". This will give you breathing space

@Calliopespa saying he is wrong but society made him do it, is absolutely excusing his behaviour.