Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

Or she ends up marrying, the abuse becomes worse, she never leaves and it becomes more difficult and the children think this is what a normal, loving relationship is and then go on to form relationships of a similar nature and so the cycle continues.

If she won't leave now, why will she leave when she's married?

Choochoo21
This EXACTLY why he has done it !!

Don't fall for it ! Please please marry him . You have 15 years of graft he owes you for. People saying don't marry simply don't understand how much you will lose out on by not being married. It may not seem much now but even if neither of you are house owners. - a pension sharing order to compensate for all the hard work of pregnancy, mat leave and childcare is only yours if you are married !

Please don't fall into his trap of getting you to cancel ! If he wants to cancel he can be the one to do it !

Bet he won't . Like all cowards wants to look like the 'big man' and will get too much of a hard time by his family who are in 'wedding mode' ..

You calling it off is literally playing into his hands . Yours has every reasonable prospect of being regarded as a 'long marriage ' due to the 15 years cohabitation and kids immediately prior .

Ditch him. It would be a massive mistake to marry him.

OP has 2 kids, one with additional needs, with him. She only worked part time previously. I would assume he earns more than OP and has a better pension pot.

I assume @Choochoo21 is suggesting that OP might as well go ahead with the wedding at this late stage as it will give her more legal rights when they split. She should get half of the house if they split now (assuming she is on the deeds and they own the house equally). She may get more than 50:50 if they marry and divorce plus entitlement to his pension pot. I can see Choochoo’s logic. It’s not like getting married is going to make splitting any harder, it might make it easier, the wedding is already paid for, they won’t get their money back…

He's just not a nice person. A nice person wouldn't do that. I get that LTB isn't that easy but...I think in this case it might be worth the trouble.

He's horrible and isn't attracted to you.

You don't see those words written as a greeting in Wedding cards, do you.

Don't marry him. Message everyone yourself saying the wedding is off because of this, say exactly the reason why. Let him suffer a massive heap of shame and embarrassment.

Embrace who you are, what an absolutely piece of dog turd he is.

Please don’t marry him. Tell EVERYONE why. Dont sugar coat it. Let people see him for exactly what he is.
I am so sorry op.

Call off the wedding and run, please, please do not marry this abusive, nasty piece of shit!!

My ExH did this and left me one year after we married because I had put on 8 pounds (I was 9 stone 2). It wasn’t anything to do with that it was because he couldn’t control me anymore, he found someone else to bully 2 days later (clearly he had also been cheating on me) - that didn’t last either!!! It has taken me 20 years to move past his horrible comments- please do not let that be you.

He is clearly controlling in other ways too - why on earth is he going on your hen do!!

Please, please look after yourself and leave.

Get rid of him: he’s gaslighting you big time. What sort of a man would say such horrible things to a person he professes to love?
Make sure everyone knows what an arsehole he is when you ditch him.
You deserve better ❤️

'He doesn't realise the negative comments knock me for six "

He does know.

He's putting you in a position where you have to plead with him to marry you, that you feel relieved he's gone through with it.

You deserve to be with someone who feels lucky to marry you.

Please don't allow yourself to be treated this badly.

Bloody hell that’s awful!

I hope she got away from this abusive, controlling man eventually.

I agree with all those advising you to lose a good 200lb in one go...

Firstly, because MNers always tell women to marry the man they have children with, so they are more financially secure.

And secondly, as petty as it sounds, I wouldn’t allow him to get away with this.

He obviously doesn’t want to get married but has no intention of ending the relationship.
He just wants OP to call off the wedding.

He should have never agreed to get married or just been honest about changing his mind.

But instead he’s trying to make OP feel so insecure that she ends up cancelling the wedding and having to let all of her guests know that it was ‘her’ choice to cancel.

This.
Didn't want to do it the whole time and dares to give such a reason.
Wouldn't wipe my shoes off on such a person.

Jesus!

Please tell me she is not still living like this.

Run!!

Walk away. Walk away. Walk away.
He is making you feel inadequate, unattractive, not good enough, stressed, unhappy.
He is showing himself to be uncaring, unloving, controlling, a twat.
Maybe you want to bumble on a bit as partners, but from what you have shared, I don't think marriage or staying together long term would be a good plan.x

Fucking run.

I worked with a head teacher whose husband used to weigh her when she got home on a Friday. If her weight had risen she would not be allowed to eat any of the take away or wine they had over the weekend.He would eat and drink whatever he wanted. Technology moved on and for her 50th birthday he bought her a fit bit and connected it to her phone AND HIS. During the day we would see her suddenly start walking round and round the school. It was because he had checked her step count and had texted to tell her that she wasn't moving enough. She was 5'4" and a size 8. She never ate celebration cakes and had minute portions at staff Christmas meals. He had a tracker on her car so he could check that she was at the gym. He checked her gym gear to be sure she'd exercised rather than just sat in the carpark. They didn't attend her sisters wedding because her sister was fat. It has all started with little things and , like the frog in boiling water, she just got sucked in to this being normal. The worst thing was that he was a very long way away from being Brad Pitt. Apparently that didn't matter.

Why you’d want to marry someone like that or continue the relationship in any way is beyond me. What an utterly revolting specimen.

I think rather than dietary advice, an exit strategy is what’s needed here.

He's treating you with utter contempt and you are worth more than that. This is especially true as you have children together who will naturally use the relationship of their parents as the benchmark for what a good relationship is.

I'd use the hen night as the night to announce exactly why you aren't getting married, include a wee handout of his texts if you have them.

Has he got you to a point yet where he's convinced you that you are so fat, no one else will want you and he's doing you a favour and you should be grateful for all eternity? If not, I suspect it won't be long.

I'm also going to assume he isn't a picture of health or beauty himself and doesn't look like he did 15 years ago either. Dick head.

Well he’s just a walking red flag isn’t he ?Why on earth would you want to marry such a controlling and unpleasant arsehole ? He’s watched you organise the whole thing and he’s clearly got cold feet and is looking for a reason to back out. So he’s blaming you in the worst possible way. Why has it taken 15 years and two kids for him to consider marriage ?

I would be the one to call it off to be honest. Don’t wait for him to email everyone with some shit excuse to cover his fucking awful behaviour. Tell everyone the truth and then get your ducks in a row and leave. You can do much better than stay with a shithead who has no idea what love is and would put his desire for a ‘trophy bride’ above the welfare of his partner of 15 years and the mother of his children.