To think dH has well and truly done it for me! Quick responses needed pls!

Maybe he's in a bad mood because he - rightly-doesn't want her to go clubbing for 2 days?
It's not as if she's going away to her parents or family, for a weekend is it?

God I'd be sulking if my dh did the same.

YABU to let it ruin things. Go have fun.

But when you get home think about how your children deserve better than the vicious circle of abuse their parents are engaging in. You both actively choose that behaviour. They're caught in it with no choice in the matter.

Hard to unravel this since you also engage in abusive behaviour. You are both creating an abusive home for your DC.

Go and enjoy your weekend away and when you're back have a serious talk and think about what's next. Maybe it's time to end the relationship if both of you are sulking and being shitty. It's not okay for DC to grow up in that environment.

Are you a man? Your viewpoint is one I’ve mainly only heard from a certain type of man. Clubbing to me has always been about enjoying musics, our favourite djs and having fun with friends.

I am not married and actually don’t like clubbing anymore but it’s a bit daft to not ok dictate to others if it’s ok or not in their own marriage.

If you and your spouse have decided clubbing is a thing you don’t do past a certain age or while you married that’s fine for you two . But each person decides the rules in their own relationships.

I had many married friends who went out clubbing a lot more than I did in our 20s. It didn’t harm their marriage and they’re all still married in their 30s/40s. Their husbands also went out too sometimes. The one friend I can think of who basically “wasn’t allowed” to go on night outs actually has the worst relationship out of any of my friends . She does everything and her partner who hasn’t married her after 3 kids is so lazy.

ETA: it sounds like a toxic relationship Op, the communication is so poor. If you do want to salvage it have you considered going to relationship counselling? Also are you actually married to him?

No it's not fine at all.
Mature married people do not go clubbing.
No way would I tolerate that shit from a partner.
Moreover, in a happy relationship there is NO desire to go out to the meat market that are nightclubs.

I don't want to hear any naive bullshit about clubbing being for a good time, it's for attention from the opposite sex (if heterosexual). Simple as that.

In any case, the hen do could be about spa days and lunches, in which case I've already apologised.

@Iusedtobecarmen your children deserve better.

A previous boyfriend did this to me, sulked because I was going away with a friend. It was like a cloud over me all weekend. Never again, don't let him do this to you YOU are in charge of your feelings.

What on earth are you talking about? 🤦🏼‍♀️ Going clubbing isn’t the issue here. It’s fine to go for a night out / clubbing / whatever if you’re married. It’s not something that I’d personally do because I hate it but each to their own.

You both sound abusive to me. Overgrown children both of you.

And, as a side note, what the hell are you doing going away on an extended girls' night out (that's what this trip is) when you've got a partner and kids?

Unless you're just going for lunches and spa days in which case I apologise but it's likely to be clubbing, isn't it?

Nobody-man NOR woman-should be happy with their partner doing that.

You stop doing that shit when you're married (or effectively) married.

I strongly suspect you'll cheat while away out of spite and give your toxic as hell 'relationshwip' more meat to chew on.

I reread the post … I sulk - silent treatment ..

This is not a way to resolve things ..

I would say you are both in the wrong ..

I initially thought he doesn’t want you to go away - however you would carry on sulking if you weren’t going away .

You need counselling because neither of you are communicating well .

If you had just challenged his comments to you at the time there wouldn’t be this game playing on both sides

He hasn’t ruined it at all! I get it’s not how you’d prefer to leave things, however you can put this out of mind and enjoy. This is manageable and can be seen to when you get back. I’d step out of the drama and bickering mindset, act normal and bid him a cheery farewell. If he sulks and pouts just have a giggle about how daft he’s being. It’ll cheer you up and put things into perspective. Sounds like a change of scene will be refreshing!

When you wake up tomorrow morning without that miserable git think on you could wake up stress free every day if you ltb.

Sounds like a chicken and an egg situation

I couldn’t live with someone who speaks to me like shit
but I couldn’t live with someone who sulks

whats his manner like in general and with other people

I work with someone who genuinely thinks they are straight talking but the reality is they come across as abrasive and rude

Enjoy your break from him

maybe consider your options upon your return

even if you just emotionally distance yourself from him so his moods do not affect you so much

go out MORE

see friends MORE OFTEN

get as financially independent as possible, have a “running away fund” he cannot touch

slowly set yourself up so you are in a viable position to leave should you ever want to

Perfect timing really - enjoy your break, let your hair down, and refocus when you get back. Is it time to call it quits on this relationship? Frankly it sounds like it….

Nothing drives you to sulk.

This is a horrific atmosphere and example for your children. Enjoy your time out of it and then get them out of it permanently when you get back.

This exactly. Plus he’s probably jealous you’re going away. I hope someone posts photos he will see of you all having an amazing time. And maybe think about how long you can live like this, life is too short.

You can either get counselling, put up with it or split. It's not a healthy dynamic but with kids in the mix, I think you need to do something urgently. One of you has to be the adult here and it's clearly not going to be him if he shuts down all communication.

Sounds like he's doing it on purpose to "punish" you for going away. Controlling men do this.

How old are the 4 dc?

It’s not okay for them to have to live in such a horrible, toxic environment.

Is he going to be able to look after them with care and compassion whilst you’re away? Otherwise I don’t think they should be left with him. Both of you sound really childish. If things are this bad you have to split up for the children’s sake.

Sounds like you have big problems in your relationship to be constantly in a cycle of falling out and ignoring the other. That's so toxic. Don't you want to be in a better kind of relationship? Couples counselling might help, or just break up.

I 100% agree with this. Please don’t let him ruin your time away. Have a great time. Xx

You’ve chosen to stay in the relationship for a long time, knowing the problems, so inevitably it is continuing to negatively affect other aspects of your life, like this trip.

He's 100% trying to punish you, in some sort of twisted way in his head. He's done it cos he knows how it'll make you feel and ruin your time away! Very selfish and spiteful of him

Is he extending his bad behaviour because you are going away? I think I heard wants to make it a horrible experience for you